Salina ? Once riven by debates about candles, the Episcopal Church can survive and thrive in the United States despite turmoil over support for gays, the denomination’s national leader told a Kansas audience.

Episcopal Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori spoke Monday to members of Salina’s Christ Cathedral as part of a national tour of the church’s dioceses.

When she was elected last year as the first woman to head the United States Episcopal Church, Jefferts Schori took over a denomination in turmoil as conservative congregations threatened to bolt if the church didn’t reverse its support for gays.

Jefferts Schori said the church’s mission remains constant – understanding how to serve God through loving one’s neighbor. But many details of its practices have changed, she said, noting the debate 150 years ago about whether candles were appropriate in the front of the church.

The next generation tackled slavery, an issue that left deep scars.

“We’ve not gotten beyond all the consequences of that history,” she said.

Disagreements and controversy are part of life, she told the audience.

“Build on what you share in common,” she advised. “The challenge is to keep the things you disagree about lower on the priority scale.”

Above all, talk about differences, she said. Talk not at each other but with each other. “In order to truly know someone, we have to enter real conversation,” she said.

She warned that the biggest challenge to conversation is judgment.

“Our tendency to escalate the anxiety and conflict comes from our tendency to judge,” she said. “When we deal with people in ways that don’t lead to judgment, we can have conversation. We live in a culture that is very eager to leap to judgment.”