Archive for Sunday, July 15, 2007

Practical magic

July 15, 2007


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Here's a look at 10 spells from the "Harry Potter" series, courtesy of, and some possible everyday applications.

1. Densaugeo

Enlarges the teeth of the victim.

Feeling sorry for the mailman who's always the target of your neighbor's vicious dog? Cast this spell and give him the chompers to defend himself.

2. Diffindo

Rips an object in half or causes things to separate.

This is the perfect trick for students dreading the arrival of their report card in the mail. Just as mom or dad begins to open the less-than-stellar document, this spell could be used to tear it strategically through the middle of the letter grades, rendering it illegible.

3. Expelliarmus

Used to disarm an opponent.

This spell has obvious benefits, especially in light of the concealed carry law.

4. Levicorpus

Dangles victims by their ankle

in mid-air.

Babies - who seem to love being dangled upside down - would dig this spell. And parents - who seem to tire quickly of dangling babies upside down - might like it, too.

5. Locomotor Mortis

Causes the victim's legs to lock together.

An excellent antidote for the second-fastest runner in the 400-meter sprint at the state track meet. Oh, the glory of watching your opponent hit the rubber while you cross the finish line and snag the gold medal.

6. Muffliato

Fills the ears of anyone near the spell caster with an unidentifiable buzzing.

This tool might be useful for parents who can't kick their cursing habit after their children are born. Feel a stream of obscenities coming on? Muffliato! (Also effective for gossip-happy kids on the playground.)

7. Obliviate

Erases sections of the memory of the victim as chosen by the spell caster and can wipe out the entire memory if the caster so chooses.

This incantation is perfect for your friend who's a die-hard KU fan and can't get over the fact that the men's basketball team lost in the first round of the NCAA tournament two years in a row - to Bucknell and Bradley, no less. Be nice and wipe that pain from his memory.

8. Scourgify

Used to clean an item.

What child hasn't dreamt of being able to clean their room with the wave of a wand, hastening their return to playing outside?

9. Tarantallegra

Causes the victim's legs to dance uncontrollably. (The Tarantella is a fast Italian dance.)

For all those wives who can't get their husbands to go out dancing, this spell provides a blackmail technique. Maybe if you make him look really stupid in front of a lot of people - and threaten to do it again - he'll concede that normal dancing isn't all that bad.

10. Finite Incantatum

Removes the effects of any spells currently cast.

This is your escape hatch, should you feel guilty or otherwise regretful about any of the mischief you may have caused with the previous spells.


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