So what ails “American Idol” (7 p.m., Fox)? The only thing people talk about is its declining ratings. As your intrepid TV-ologist, I endeavored to get to the bottom of this sad decline. But first I had to watch a whole hour’s worth.

I’m not afraid to admit that I don’t really watch much “American Idol” anymore. I avoid it not because I don’t like it, but because — truth be told — I used to like it a little too much. I treat it like half gallons of ice cream or fifths of certain amber-colored beverages. It’s far easier to abstain entirely than consume them in moderation.

I’m not terribly proud of myself, but I have spent hours and hours and weeks and weeks over years and years watching “Idol” hopefuls careen from yellow tickets to tearful goodbyes. I have invested far too much of my life rooting on the likes of Taylor Hicks, only to see his career take him wherever it is his career has taken him. “Idol” is not a casual habit. It’s a soul-sucking addiction and a serious investment in time wasting.

So I was a little shocked, and slightly impressed, when I caught last Thursday’s episode.

That night was part of Hollywood Week, when hundreds of hopefuls get winnowed out by something called the “group sing.” But before they can sing, they must form a group. So we were subject to mass hysteria and individual breakdowns. Singers sobbed and moaned as they failed to pair, or group up with other contestants. At least three seemed to faint from some kind of blood sugar imbalance. Some feigned self- satisfaction. Ambulances came and went. It was like some teenage tsunami of hormones and egos, peer pressure, pride and pecking orders.

And it had almost nothing to do with music. Contestants did everything but perform. And did I mention that this went on for an hour?

The producers seemed to be going through the motions, showing Hollywood Week because they had always shown it. But I can’t believe that the makers of a show so successful would air an hour so wretchedly uninteresting by mistake. No, I have to give them more credit than that! I believe they were doing us a public service.

The producers of the show have obviously studied their program’s habit-forming nature and they have done their best to prevent any future viewers from getting an “Idol” monkey on their back.

So thank you, “American Idol”! If it was your intention to use last Thursday’s show as a kind of cold turkey for the weak-willed, you’ve done an admirable job. I don’t foresee any relapses in my future.

Warning: Tonight’s “American Idol” is two hours long.

Tonight’s other highlights

• Bieber fever on “The Middle” (7 p.m., ABC).

• A celebratory dinner gets out of hand on “Modern Family” (8 p.m., ABC).

• A murder investigation leads to one near and dear on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (9 p.m., NBC).

• An engagement party to die for on “Revenge” (9 p.m., ABC).

• Elisabeth Shue (“Leaving Las Vegas”) joins the cast of “CSI” (9 p.m., CBS).