CW renovates ‘Melrose Place’
Re-create “Melrose Place” (7 p.m., CW)? Why doesn’t Ford just produce a new Taurus and start the 1990s all over again?
OK, the Taurus is back, and so is “Melrose.” Before long, “The Spice Girls” will reunite on a double bill with “The Teletubbies,” and we can freak out about Y2K again.
For a by-the-numbers imitation of a show that was itself insanely derivative, this new “Melrose Place” isn’t half bad. Several creatures from the first series — including Sydney Andrews (Laura Leighton) and Dr. Michael Mancini (Thomas Calabro) — show up. One of them barely survives the credit roll, so we’re starting off the remake with a murder, a corpse in a pool and a bloodcurdling scream from a new tenant (Ashlee Simpson-Wentz) who may not be as fresh off the turnip truck as she lets on.
Along the way, there’s a torrid sex scene in a trendy bar interrupted by a text message (that didn’t happen in the 1990s!), an indecent proposal (actually, two such offers) and a sweet 16 party for a spoiled Hollywood princess. There’s also a wedding proposal, several touching hospital-bed scenes, a belabored romantic video, quite a few mopey songs on the soundtrack and a shocking revelation or two about a major character.
Katie Cassidy (“Harper’s Island”) stands out as an ambitious publicist who will do anything to help herself and her clients.
In addition to text messaging, economic duress rears its ugly head and reminds us that it’s not the 1990s anymore. Lauren Yung (Stephanie Jacobsen) discovers that her father’s sudden unemployment may imperil her medical studies, forcing her to take — or at least contemplate — desperate measures to make her tuition payments.
Will magic recur on “Melrose Place”? The original guilty-pleasure series lived and died before the heyday of reality shows like “Miami Social,” where so-called “real” people behave with the heartless self-regard of these made-up “Melrose” tenants.
There’s something fun and over-the-top about this return to sudsy prime-time treachery. There’s also something old-fashioned and old-shoe comfortable about it that makes it feel more CBS than CW. CBS tried a campy soap this summer with “Harper’s Island,” and very few passengers remained for the full excursion.
• “Sons of Anarchy” (9 p.m., FX) returns for a second season with the gang still reeling from Donna’s murder. Nothing that a potential gun deal with the IRA can’t solve.
Tonight’s other highlights
• Cuts and performances on “America’s Got Talent” (7 p.m., 8 p.m. and 9 p.m., NBC).
• Annie tries to freeze out Naomi on the second-season premiere of “90210” (7 p.m., CW).
• Luke still has three to hold on to on “More to Love” (8 p.m., Fox).
• A crisis unfolds while Artie is tied up on “Warehouse 13” (8 p.m., SyFy).
• Jane takes on a nefarious hypnotist on “The Mentalist” (9 p.m., CBS).
• A physician copes with the prospect of frequent failure amid crumbling facilities in the Ukraine in the documentary “The English Surgeon” on “POV” (9 p.m., PBS, check local listings).
• Residents in New Jersey and Florida report evidence of giant rodents on “Ratzilla” (9 p.m., Animal Planet).