Coping with tragedy

Recent deaths have county in mourning

Lawrence is grieving.

Longtime residents can’t recall a more tragic week than the past one when 10 lives were taken. The tragedies seem to have touched everyone in the community.

“I don’t really remember a time like this,” said Mayor Mike Amyx, a lifelong Lawrence resident. “I don’t sleep a lot right now. I think a lot about the various tragedies.

“As we cope with the last couple of weeks, we need to talk to one another and release some of the emotions that we all get. A lot of people just need a shoulder to lean on.”

A fatal fire killed Charles Glover Sr. and four of his grandchildren on Sept. 17. Six days later, a hit-and-run incident and vehicle wreck killed Kansas University student Ryan Kanost and 56-year-old Lawrence resident Michelle S. Bird. On Sunday, Marsha Mace, 36, was shot and killed after a police standoff, and Ryan Simecka, 27, died in a motorcycle accident. Baldwin resident Leonard Ray Collins, 40, took his own life Monday as sheriff’s deputies attempted to serve him a warrant, authorities said.

“We’ve experienced a lot of tragedy in this community in the last 10 days,” City Commissioner Sue Hack said. “They’re 10 days that I would really rather not repeat, and that’s from an outsider. I haven’t been touched personally in my family. But you don’t live in Lawrence, Kansas, and be a commissioner in Lawrence, Kansas, and not feel it.”

Journal-World Photo Illustration Lawrence has experienced 10 fatal tragedies in eight days, the most that many residents recall.

Taking a toll

Jim McSwain, who retired last year as chief of Lawrence-Douglas County Fire & Medical, said he couldn’t recall a similar week in the 28 years that he was with the department.

“It’s a high number (of fatalities) in a short week,” he said. “I really think the fire and the loss of the children has taken a toll on the firefighters. When you have children involved, that can be the most devastating. It will take the department a long time to get over that, and some will never forget about it.”

He said those firefighters, police officers and neighbors would always ask themselves: Could I have done something else? Could I have done more?

McSwain said everyone reacts differently.

“Some isolate themselves,” he said. “Some might spend a lot of time with firefighters off-duty with liquid refreshments. Others want to hug and hug their children – that’s the best thing to do.”

McSwain said in an emotional interview that the staff is like his extended family because he hired most of them and gave many of them promotions. He said he has been through a lot with them.

Debriefing

McSwain attended several debriefings during the past week with the Rev. Paul Taylor and talked with firefighters who are trying to cope.

Taylor, chaplain for the department and pastor at Mustard Seed Christian Fellowship, said debriefings are “critical incident stress-management” sessions.

Taylor said they are a time when people involved in a particular incident can sit down and openly and honestly talk about it and their feelings. He said the debriefings are beneficial and can help in the longevity of a person’s career.

Taylor, who also was a paramedic for 30 years, said the volume of fatal incidents had been unusual. He encourages community groups, churches and the city to ask what they can do.

“Step up as much as possible and don’t think someone else will help out,” he said. “It helps blunt the trauma.”

He also encourages the community to provide affirmation and recognition to those who risk their lives for others.

Where to get help

Kelly Barnum, assistant director for Headquarters Counseling Center, offered the following list of counseling services in Lawrence:

  • Headquarters Counseling Center, for adults and children, 841-2345.
  • Bert Nash Community Mental Health Center, for adults and children, 843-9192.
  • Kansas University Counseling and Psychological Services, for KU students, 864-2277.
  • KU Psychological Clinic Services, for adults, 864-4121.
  • Catholic Community Services, for adults of all religions, 841-0307.
  • Christian Psychological Services, for children and adults, 843-2429.
  • Indian Health Services, for American Indians, 832-4802.

“Tell the emergency personnel how much you admire them for doing what most people don’t want to do.”

Schools reach out

Lawrence Supt. Randy Weseman said the school district had activated its crisis team “close to every day for the past week.” He said staff are working to listen to students’ concerns and talk with parents. The crisis teams offer one-on-one counseling.

Weseman said he is “hoping it ends soon.”

“Personally, it’s been extremely hard, particularly hard with the boys we lost in the fire,” he said. “It’s a terrible loss. My business is kids, and when it affects them, it affects me.”

Charlie Kuszmaul, of Bert Nash Community Mental Health Center, said there had been a lot of pain in the past week. Kuszmaul is coordinator for the center’s Working to Recognize Alternative Possibilities program, which also provides mental health services to the schools.

Kuszmaul said the fire “deeply affected” children. Not only do children mourn the losses of their friends or loved ones, he said, but such incidents can raise fears of security or rekindle memories of others’ deaths such as that of a grandparent or pet.

He also said tragedy can make children’s own issues more vivid and can trigger nightmares.

“It’s important to ask, and don’t assume that they are OK,” he said.

He said many students are wondering: Am I safe? Is our house going to burn down? Do we have smoke alarms?

He encourages parents to help ensure children of their safety and be optimistic.

Reaching effects

Scott McMichael, director of community development at Bert Nash, said he couldn’t recall a time like this past week during his 18 years in the Lawrence community.

“We’ve had floods, tornadoes and other fires, but this has been different,” he said. “It’s very strange. : There have been different aspects involved, and in a very concentrated amount of time.”

He said it was important for people to be open to conversations and said the center is open 24/7 for anyone who needs someone to talk to.

Kelly Barnum, assistant director for Headquarters Counseling Center, agrees.

“My heart goes out to everyone affected by the recent tragedies,” she said. “I hope that each of them is able to find the help and support they need to cope with it : whether that help comes from loved ones, from our volunteer crisis counselor or from professionals.”

Barnum said the counseling center also is open around the clock and will provide immediate help for any person and any type of concern.

And if there was a time that residents may be in need of a lending hand, it would be now.

“I feel sadness. I knew Marsha and the Glover family,” said Kim Murphree, 47, a lifelong Lawrence resident and spokeswoman for the Lawrence Police Department. “I am sad for the first-responders. I am sad for the families. And I am sad for the community.

“This is a time when we tell people that we love them. We reach out to one another and forgive one another. Love is the only thing that comes from sorrow.”

Centers help people deal with grief

Headquarters Counseling Center offers tips for dealing with grief.

Symptoms

Common reactions to tragedy include:

  • Feelings of fear, guilt, sadness, panic, denial, anxiety, anger, agitation, irritability and confusion.
  • Behaviors or symptoms of withdrawal, difficulty sleeping or wanting to sleep all the time, appetite loss or increase, inability to concentrate, lack of energy, headaches, stomachaches and tension in shoulders.
  • Thoughts may include confusion, nightmares, blaming self, blaming someone else and wondering why.
  • Spiritually, people may be angry at God and question basic beliefs.
  • Physical symptoms that merit medical evaluation include chills, intense thirst, profuse sweating and prolonged headaches.

When to seek help

Two to three weeks after the tragedy, those who still have difficulty with their usual responsibilities should seek support.

Helping yourself

Help encourage healing by:

  • Reaching out and talking with people who care.
  • Eating healthy meals.
  • Drinking plenty of water.
  • Getting enough sleep.
  • Exercising.
  • Structuring time.
  • Avoiding big life changes.
  • Accepting that people vary in the ways that they are affected and how they show it.
  • Understanding that you are having normal reactions, considering what has happened.
  • Avoiding alcohol or drugs.