So, anybody up for a chat about family values?

The term has been a registered trademark of the GOP – the self-styled Morals Party – for years, a bludgeon against Democrats who, by implication, oppose families and have no values. Like most political language, it’s a code, intended to be understood by those with ears to hear. “Family values” means the pol in question has God on speed dial and can be counted upon to oppose gun control, the so-called “homosexual agenda” and abortion, while pushing schools to teach, as Tina Fey once put it, that Adam and Eve rode to church on dinosaurs.

For all its policy implications, though, “family values” has always had a larger meaning. It was an implicit promise to white, non-ethnic, rural or suburban-dwelling, church-going Christian moms and dads that the party would – pun intended – always do the right thing. It was an assurance to Ward and June Cleaver that GOP was the brand name of a certain fundamental decency.

Unless, it turns out, Ward and June were foolish enough to let Wally and the Beav sign up as Congressional pages. In that case, kiss decency goodbye.

If the scandal over Florida Rep. Mark Foley’s sexually charged e-mail exchanges with teenage boys suggests nothing else, it suggests this: The Republican Party was not overly concerned about the well-being of the children in its care. GOP leaders learned last year – more like two or three years ago, according to one former Congressional aide – that Foley was sending “overly friendly” e-mails to pages. The response: no investigation, no censure. Foley was simply told to stop, to behave himself.

As recently as this week with Foley disgraced and resigned, White House spokesman Tony Snow seemed to still not get it. He initially dismissed the exchanges as “naughty e-mails.” Mind you, we’re talking about a 52-year-old man discussing masturbatory techniques, setting up dates, and having cyber sex with boys.

Naughty? Try creepy. Try appalling. It’s like one of those “To Catch a Predator” hidden camera exposes, except that this predator was a Congressman. Even more bizarrely, a Congressman who has pushed legislation to protect children from Internet pedophiles.

Now Foley is in seclusion, sending his representatives out with roughly an explanation a day: Foley is a drunk, Foley was molested as a teenager, Foley is gay. Of them all, that last would-be clarification is the most vexing, playing as it does to the conservative predilection for conflating homosexuality and child molestation – as if Foley’s actions would be one iota less execrable if the pages were girls. Meantime, his party has its knickers in a knot over whether Speaker Dennis Hastert will survive this scandal.

I am preoccupied by different questions: What should we make of the fact that members of the Morals Party have behaved with such an appalling lack of same? How could our self-appointed decency police have been so inert while one of their members practiced perversion against children? Isn’t protecting children a family value?

I make no case for Democratic moral superiority. The Monica Lewinsky, Gary Condit and Barney Frank scandals are too fresh in memory for anyone to suggest that with a straight face. But at least the Democrats had the good taste not to sell themselves as the Morals Party, never claimed to have God on speed dial.

The GOP did, and its performance in this affair underscores what a cynical joke that was. To put it another way: It’s a long fall from a high horse.

One feels sorry for those who bought what the GOP was selling. One hopes they will be less gullible in the future – will understand that decency and honor are not wholly owned subsidiaries of any political ideology.

And the Morals Party? There is no such thing.