New York ? So you want to be on a reality TV show? Be prepared. If you actually make it, you’re probably going to lose.

There’s only one “Survivor,” one “Apprentice,” one “Top Model” every season. Odds are you’ll be eliminated, voted off, fired or just plain told to leave. The painful process – which doesn’t involve any cameras following your every move – will go something like this:

Captivity

After you get the inevitable boot, you won’t skulk off-camera back to your home in Anytown, U.S.A. First, you’ll be banished to a hotel or some such place where you’ll be forbidden from leaving and your every move will be supervised by a casting staff, tasked with keeping the show’s secrets confidential.

That doesn’t mean you won’t have fun. During a past season of NBC’s “The Apprentice,” fired candidates and their chaperones populated half a hotel floor for the duration of the two-month shoot, which included a communal suite filled with food, beer, video games, DVDs and books. The firees were frequently escorted to dinners, concerts and shows while waiting to go home.

Before being sent home, you’ll be debriefed on what you can or cannot do. Most shows put a gag order on contestants, requiring they stay far away from any media and don’t reveal even the slightest detail about the show to friends and family.

Homecoming

Bill Rancic, right, is greeted by friends and family upon arriving home at Chicago's Midway Airport for the first time since winning the first Apprentice television contest in 2004. Rancic said it was hard to keep the show secret after returning home.

After production has wrapped, you’ll finally be sent home with your newfound reality TV knowledge. Because there’s usually a few months between the end of shooting and when the first episode airs on TV, you won’t be able to reveal where you’ve been for the past few months. Nobody will know you’ve just had the experience of a lifetime.

“You come back and you’re really excited, and you have to go back to your regular life that you’ve left for two months,” explains Lynn Warren, who was eliminated with his teammate and boyfriend Alex Ali during the latest “Amazing Race.” “We would do so much in 12 hours on the race. Then, you come home and sit around for 12 hours. In 12 hours on the race, you’ve already visited three countries.”

Stardom

Once your show starts airing, one thing is certain: You will be more famous than you ever were before. People will notice you on the street. Some will ask for autographs. Bartenders will smile and tell you, “It’s on the house.” It’ll be awesome.

“We love people stopping us on the street,” says Warren, adding that his favorite part about being a reality TV star is the free booze.

Don’t drink too much, though. You still have to keep all your show’s plots and secrets from your friends and family, who will no doubt hound you each week to figure out the reality behind your reality show. According to Bill Rancic, the toothy winner of the first “Apprentice,” it’ll be much easier if you know you have a one-in-two shot at winning.

“For me, it wasn’t difficult,” says Rancic, who was crowned during a live finale. “I wanted everyone to enjoy the experience. I wanted them to watch it as it unfolded. I gave my word. And my word is my word.”