I met this far-out guy the other day. Let's call him Rip Van Sixties. He drank too much Kool-Aid at a love-in and lay down for a 37-year-long nap. He had a hard time understanding contemporary pop culture.
"You mean they're making a movie version of 'Bewitched'?" he asked incredulously. "They're still selling 'new' Beatles records?" he inquired. I nodded, affirmatively. "And they're re-making 'Gilligan's Island'?" The answer, sadly, was yes.
Apparently, all of this recycling was too much for him to process. "What's next?" he snapped. "TV and movie remakes of 'The Twilight Zone'? 'Star Trek'? 'The Fugitive'? 'McHale's Navy'? 'Mission: Impossible'? 'Car 54, Where Are You?'? 'The Beverly Hillbillies'? 'The Monkees'? 'Candid Camera'? 'The Addams Family'? 'The Outer Limits'? 'The Defenders'? 'My Favorite Martian'? 'I Spy'? 'Batman'?" 'Thunderbirds'?"
I didn't have the heart to reply.
"The Real Gilligan's Island" (7 p.m., TBS) casts ordinary folk in the roles of (sing along, now), Gilligan, the Skipper, too, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the professor and Mary Ann.
The contestants/actors will take part in wacky tests of skill based on events from episodes of the original "Gilligan." And, as on the show, all of their efforts will be aimed at getting off the island or arranging a rescue.
But let me remind you, gentle readers, that in the end there was (and is) only one way off the island: cancellation.
- Tim Robbins narrates "The Day My God Died" on "Independent Lens" (9 p.m., PBS), a harrowing documentary about sexual slavery. Experts estimate that 2,500 young women and girls are kidnapped every day and sold to houses of prostitution in places from Bombay to Broadway.
The film's stories unfold with grim similarity. One day a woman is young and innocent. Then an acquaintance, friend or even family member slips her a doped drink or snack. Then she wakes up imprisoned in a brothel. Many Indian women call that moment "the day my God died." Most refuse to submit to their new masters, but then they are beaten, starved and burned with cigarettes and acid. And they learn to relent. Or they commit suicide. Some are as young as 7.
Most of these women will contract, spread and then die from AIDS. In Bombay alone, 90 new cases of the disease are reported every hour.
"Day" combines hidden-camera footage and interviews with former prostitutes and those who help rescue them. This is a horrifying and depressing look at human nature at its most sordid. It's also a riveting film, and television at its most powerful.
- Al Roker and Nancy O'Dell host "Christmas in Rockefeller Center" (7 p.m., NBC), featuring musical performances by Hilary Duff, Kenny Chesney, Clay Aiken, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, Chris Isaak, Michael Buble, Vanessa Williams and the Radio City Rockettes.
Tonight's other highlights
- Rory plays campus tour guide to a flighty applicant on "Gilmore Girls" (7 p.m., WB).
- Competitive globetrotting on "The Amazing Race" (8 p.m., CBS).
- A patient seems to have competing symptoms on "House" (8 p.m., Fox).
- Amy detects a suspicious lump on "Judging Amy" (9 p.m., CBS).
- A disturbed patient may be the only witness to a series of West Side assaults on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (9 p.m., NBC).
- Jones falls under suspicion on "NYPD Blue" (9 p.m., ABC).
Series notes
Spontaneous combustion kills an unpopular officer on "Navy NCIS" (7 p.m., CBS) ... A musical competition on "The Rebel Billionaire" (7 p.m., Fox) ... Wedding plans unravel on "My Wife and Kids" (7 p.m., ABC) ... A lesson in forbearance on "All of Us" (7 p.m., UPN).
Management woes on "George Lopez" (7:30 p.m., ABC) ... Juggling bachelors on "Eve" (8:30 p.m., UPN).
Caroline Rhea hosts "The Biggest Loser" (8 p.m., NBC) ... Forced to do without on "According to Jim" (8 p.m., ABC) ... A cult targets a rich kid on "Veronica Mars" (8 p.m., UPN) ... Peyton faces up to public rumors about her private life on "One Tree Hill" (8 p.m., WB).
Seductive salesmanship on "Rodney" (8:30 p.m., ABC).
Late night
Matt Damon appears on "Late Show with David Letterman" (10:35 p.m., CBS) ... Jay Leno hosts Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Kelly Clarkson on "The Tonight Show" (10:35 p.m., NBC).
Peter Gallagher and The Killers chat on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" (11:35 p.m., NBC) ... Michael Ian Black hosts Ben Stein, Penn & Teller and Peter Cincotti on "The Late, Late Show" (11:37 p.m., CBS).
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