Book explains seven stages of motherhood

? Tasks don’t seem so insurmountable when there is an end in sight, and raising children is no exception.

Parenting writer and editor Anne Pleshette Murphy breaks up what might feel like 18 very long years in “The 7 Stages of Motherhood: Making the Most of Your Life As a Mom” (Knopf).

Murphy, the former editor in chief of Parents magazine and a regular contributor to ABC’s “Good Morning America,” has gone through each one personally. The stages, she explains, are relative to where children are in their development, but they also help define the evolution of a mother’s role.

  • Stage 1 — Altered States: This is the shortest stage in terms of time — from the moment a woman finds out she’s pregnant to the “fourth trimester,” Pleshette’s term for the three months after the baby comes home — but it’s probably the biggest adjustment.

Murphy urges women to do some soul-searching early on.

“You won’t know day from night, but you’ll also feel the bliss of lying next to your little miracle,” Murphy adds, and that’s what will keep you going.

  • Stage 2 — Finding Your Footing, Finding Yourself: Most new mothers can find their footing from the time their children hit the 4-month mark until the kids can walk.

Families settle into a somewhat predictable routine. This also is the stage during which many women go back to work after their maternity leave. Murphy’s advice: Get used to the feeling of being torn between work and family.

  • Stage 3 — Letting Go: The toddler years are “fraught with guilt, anxiety and occasionally anguish,” according to Murphy.

If moms don’t make some time for themselves during this stage, the whole family will suffer.

  • Stage 4 — Trying To Do It All: The preschool and early elementary years can be even harder than the toddler years because parents’ expectations of their children don’t always match reality. Just because the kids were able to sit through a nice dinner once doesn’t mean they’ll be able to do it every night.

So, while it’s tempting at this stage for mothers to begin taking on new projects of their own, they should resist doing too much, Murphy says.

  • Stage 5 — Reading the Compass to God Knows Where: Ages 6 to 10 are supposed to be the easy years between toddlers and teenagers, but because it seems like kids are growing up faster these days, mothers can’t let this stage slide by, Murphy says.

They should, however, let their children experience success and failure facilitated by their own hands. Mothers also might find themselves less involved in their children’s lives, and, says Murphy, that’s completely normal as children’s own friends become more important to them.

  • Stage 6 — Living in the Gray Zone: First, things change fast. “What was right yesterday isn’t right today,” Murphy says. Second, mothers will find themselves shifting between roles of parent and pal.
  • Stage 7 — It Gets Easier, Then They Leave: During the teenage years, mothers and their almost-grownup children relive every other stage as they struggle through dependence and independence in their developed bodies and minds.