Who says you can’t learn stuff on TV? “Identity Theft: The Michelle Brown Story” (8 p.m., Lifetime) tells us repeatedly that identity theft is America’s fastest-growing crime. Somebody’s financial records and credit history are swiped by complete strangers every six seconds. But rather than dwell on dull statistics, anonymous cyber-thieves and organized criminals, “Theft” turns Brown’s true story into a Nice Good Girl vs. Sick Bad Girl tale straight out of “All About Eve” and “Fatal Attraction.”

Kimberly Williams-Paisley plays Brown with the spunky sweetness we’ve learned to expect from her in such films as “Father of the Bride.” She’s a grade-school teacher with sparkling blue eyes. Children gather around the hem of her dress as she walks into class. One half expects deer, bunnies, the Seven Dwarves and other forest creatures to twitter in harmony as she breaks into songs from “Snow White.”

Brown’s problems begin when she finds her dream house and applies for a mortgage. Her broker’s drug-addled, debt-ridden secretary, Connie (Annabella Sciorra, “The Sopranos”), gets Michelle’s credit card number and lets her fingers do the walking. Not content with Home Shopping Network trinkets, Connie goes on a buying binge — and goes bonkers to boot.

• With Election Day 2004 only hours away, “Frontline” offers another look at “The Choice” (8 p.m., PBS), a two-hour character study of President George W. Bush and Sen. John Kerry.
• “Saturday Night Live Presidential Bash 2004” (8 p.m., NBC) offers send-ups of Bush (Will Forte), Kerry (Seth Meyers) and Vice President Dick Cheney (Darrell Hammond), as well as repeats of political spoofs and parodies of speeches by Presidents Ford (Chevy Chase), Carter (Dan Aykroyd), Reagan (Phil Hartman), Bush I (Dana Carvey) and Clinton (Hartman and Hammond).

Tonight’s other highlights

• Parallel lives on “Trading Spouses” (7 p.m., Fox).
• Tips from the producers of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” (7 p.m., ABC).
• The Black Eyed Peas guest star on “Las Vegas” (8 p.m., NBC).
• The Jets play the Dolphins on “Monday Night Football” (8 p.m., ABC).
• Surgical mutilation for the insecure on “The Swan” (8 p.m., Fox).
• Slovenly comedians get housekeeping tips on “How Clean is Your House?” (10 p.m., Lifetime).