Top Chef Masters — Grass clippings, doppelgangers and jiggly, um, panna cotta

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This time of year that oh-so-yummy herb basil becomes abundant in our neck of the woods and therefore ends up in all sorts of places: sandwiches, pastas and pestos.

Last night, “Top Chef Masters” contestant Michael Chiarello found quite another use for it: Dessert. Basil gelato, to be exact.

Yes, welcome to “Top Chef Masters” Episode 5, aka “Top Chef: Bizarro Edition.”

Not only did Gael Greene call it “lawn clippings” in her dessert twice (she must have been particularly proud of that line), she looked like a fuchsia Queen Mum while doing it. Quite bizarre indeed.

Yet, that’s not all. The Twilight Zone instances just kept coming in this episode. The highlights:

•Rick Moonen, Vegas chef, looking like the evil twin of earlier winner Rick Bayless. Same glasses. Same kind of thin, erudite Boy Scout look. Same energy (though this Rick acted like he took quite a few No-Doze before filming). Yet, clad in black and devoid of Bayless’ genuine sweetness, it was kind of like being locked in an episode with a hyena.

•Michael of the basil dessert also appeared to be the doppelganger of someone else we know: George Clooney. If you squint really hard, that is. Hey, and he did have enough Clooney-esque charm to con a few girls into plating food for him. Keep squinting, chicas.

•Add to the basil gelato these desserts: “Meat-like” strawberry francipane tart, chocolate-goat cheese ganache with a “smoky” flavor and a sweet panna cotta made sour by a particular piece of information shared by Jay Rayner (see below).

•Kelly Choi’s dark dress in the elimination challenge and styling made her look like a replica of Padma. Sorry, Bravo, still not buying it. Can’t you just pay Padma extra to do the final five episodes of this show? Oh wait, you couldn’t afford to do a real dinner. How about a miniature Padma, then? And no, Miss Eyelashes-and-Hair-Extensions doesn’t count as miniature, either. Just skeletal.

•Rick became the first chef to not produce ANYTHING at all in the quickfire. And he had 45 minutes and a deep-fat fryer. Seriously.

•Making appearances during the elimination were two folks from Bravo’s (former) hit show, “Project Runway”: Sweet Pea and Jerrell. Kind of reminded me of the cross-over adventures of The Flintsones and The Jetsons.

•Contestant Nils Noren, a Swedish chef, working for the French Culinary Institute in Manhattan. Say what?

•A guy with a furiously Scottish name (Lachlan Mackinnon Patterson) waxing poetic about Northeastern Italian cooking.

•Judge Jay Rayner comparing the consistency of a good panna cotta to a woman’s bosom. Glad Gail Simmons and her low-cut dresses weren’t in this episode — that would have been awkward!

•The quickfire challenge asked the judges to reinvent a junk food as a fine dining experience. Then they gave it to the jerky guy from “Flipping Out” and his gaggle of yes men to approve. Does that make this a cross-over cross-over? Like if the Flintstones met the Jetsons and the Simpsons?

•The elimination episode involved cooking a three-course meal for 100 people in miniature. You think all the cross-over fees prevented them from forking over the cash to give everyone a real meal? Where’s the craft services table when you need it?

OK, so after all that, it’s back to the basil gelato. Not even Gael’s, ahem, FINE line about grass clippings could keep Michael from winning the whole thing, even though backwards Rick made a strong showing and nearly came from behind. Gee, if only he could have made SOMETHING in 45 minutes earlier in the episode. Even the guy who turned in a half-raw egg last week got half a star for his effort.

But really, it’s all for the best. Regular Rick and bizarro Rick going head-to-head in an episode might just be too much for the universe to take.