Billboard has been in existence for 116 years. And since 1958, the publication has released its Hot 100, charting the top songs of each week.

Despite such an exhaustive catalog of number one hits to choose from, few of the "American Idol" contestants proved able to find anything listenable when presented with the challenge.

Tuesday's telecast was a lesson in what not to sing ... and how not to sing it. This was made all the more frustrating considering it was the last show before narrowing down the field to ten contestants -- a huge deal because those are the amount invited on the summer's national "Idol" tour. Finally, a chance to quit the day job and make actual money.

Interspersed with peppy teen sensation Miley Cyrus' "mentoring," only a few agreeable performances snuck in.

Hippie folk-blues singer Crystal Bowersox occupied the "shooting fish in a barrel category" with her version of Janis Joplin’s “Me and Bobby McGee.” Effective yet unsurprising.

Siobhan Magnus and Lee Dewyze made oddball selections that worked due to their inherent talent: Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition” and The Box Tops’ “The Letter," respectively. (Magnus is adequately fulfilling the "What will she do next?" role vacated last year by Adam Lambert.)

Aaron Kelly (Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”) and Michael Lynche (Percy Sledge’s “When a Man Loves a Woman”) belted well-done versions of tunes no one ever needs to hear again.

Then there were the mid-level artists.

Andrew Garcia once again squandered his character-crammed voice with a cruise ship version of Marvin Gaye’s “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.” For the fourth straight week -- as the judges accurately pointed out -- this guy has no idea who he wants to be.

Similarly, Didi Benami took Linda Ronstadt’s still-cool country-rock hit “You’re No Good” and turned it into a Broadway musical. Blechhh.

Katie Stevens (Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry”) and Casey James (Huey Lewis and the News’ “The Power of Love”) at least sounded fine. But the tunes came across as straight-up covers. And, come on, Huey Lewis? Really? Of all the number one songs from the past 52 years to choose from. Embarrassing.

And then there were the complete disasters. Hindenburg-style, Dukakis-esque, "Cop Rock"-ian disasters.

Tim Urban was predictably awful, delivering a forced, lackluster rendition of Queen's inherently gimmicky “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” (ironically, the landmark band's only number one hit).

But the pretty boy's rendition was nothing compared to the atrocity unleashed by Paige Miles. While no one was on the edge of their seat waiting to hear a cover of Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now),” at the very least it's a "song" with a "melody." But sometime between now and three weeks ago, Miles misplaced her ability to sing.

She used to be able to, remember? But now she looks like a glum sorority girl who has been thrown onstage against her will at house karaoke night. Out of breath, out of energy and consistently sharp, flat or in the wrong key, Miles dispensed a routine as uncomfortable as watching that Miss Teen South Carolina speech on YouTube.

If she ends up making the tour, it will be a crime against all humanity.

Bottom three: Tim Urban, Paige Miles and Andrew Garcia.

Going home: Paige Miles. (Arguably the worst performance ever given in the top 12. That even encompasses Kristy Lee Cook.)

Finally, it's dirty dozen time.

All the preliminary hoo-ha is over, and "American Idol" is officially underway. Consequently, with a more manageable amount of contestants to wade through, it's time to now dive in each week and employ Culture Crumbs to scrutinize the world's most popular TV show.

But after last week's voting abominations left some of the most intriguing contestants watching "Idol" from the comfort of their tear-stained apartments, I was somewhat fearful that this batch might fall short of expectations.

That coupled with the Rolling Stones Night them wasn't much of a draw, either. For every 10 Stones songs, there are maybe two with an above-average melody. That didn't seem to bode well for a singing show.

Fortunately, the talent level proved reasonably high this early in the game. (Usually it’s not until about the round of eight where the frontrunners begin to take charge.) And the show had its share of praise-worthy highlights.

But what the dozen also proved was how great a divide there is already between competitors who have the ability to surprise, and those who merely fulfill expectations.

The more I watch the series -- now in its ninth season -- the less interested I become in who "sings good." Rather, I crave drama and revelations and edge-of-my-seat "what are they going to do next" moments.

So keeping that litmus test in mind, here's how things shook out.

In the SAFE AND/OR PREDICTABLE category:

*Casey James with "It's All Over Now"

*Lacey Brown with "Ruby Tuesday"

*Katie Stevens with "Wild Horses"

*Tim Urban with "Under My Thumb"

*Lee DeWyze with "Beast of Burden"

*Paige Miles with "Honky Tonk Women"

*Aaron Kelly with "Angie"

*Crystal Bowersox with "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

In the BETTER PAY ATTENTION category:

*Michael Lynche with "Miss You"

*Didi Benami with "Play With Fire"

*Andrew Garcia with "Gimme Shelter"

*Siobhan Magnus with "Paint It Black"

By no means does this imply the latter crew sounded best. Bowersox and DeWyze certainly smoked Garcia this round -- but I know when I tune in next week they'll deliver the same basic performance. Professional, yes. Compelling, not-so-much.

The only singer who truly tanked this week was sub-Zac Efron pretty boy Tim Urban, whose version of "Under My Thumb" sounded like it was arranged by a Jimmy Buffet cover band. It's also hard to deliver lines such as "the squirmin' dog who's just had her day" as if you were strumming an Ovation at church camp.

Regardless, I still think Urban is more interesting than Katie Stevens. The 16-year-old seems better suited for a school production of "Fiddler on the Roof."

This week Didi Benami did the most with the least: the forgettable 1965 track "Play with Fire." Whereas Siobhan Magnus did the most with the most: the anthemic and still eerie 1966 track "Paint It Black." Can't wait to see what the “nice girl” and the "weird chick" come up with next week.

Bottom three: Tim Urban, Lacey Brown and Andrew Garcia.

Going home: Lacey Brown. (By no means the worst performance, just among the most forgettable.)

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Has your funny bone been sedentary since Conan O'Brien was unceremoniously dumped from his gig at "The Tonight Show?"

Well, now's your chance to give it a jump-start.

The red-headed funny guy just announced dates and locations for his "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour" and included in the mix is a show May 16 in Kansas City! Conan will be appearing at the Midland Theatre and tickets are on sale already (follow that link!) for $39.50 - $79.50.

Color us excited!

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The Oscars are usually a mix of upsets and sure things with a few awkward moments and off-center jokes in between. Last night was no exception, but it could alternately be called "The Night of the Underdog," "The Night of the Woman" or "The Night of the People Hollywood Wrote Off but Later Decided to Give a Chance."

Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman to win the Oscar for best director — beating out her ex-husband, James Cameron, for the honor. Of course, the Oscars being all about the drama, decided to seat Bigelow right smack in front of Cameron and his current wife, making for what was sure an uncomfortable three-and-a-half hours for the both of them. Then, surprises of surprises, Bigelow won the night's other huge prize — best film — beating out Cameron and his high-tech money suck "Avatar" a second time.

Also making a splash were industry vets Sandra Bullock and Jeff Bridges — two actors who have cultivated both commercial and cult success but never any real acclaim. Bullock was a surprise, being as she was sitting in the same category as 16-time nominated Meryl Streep, and she herself looked about as shocked as Bigelow to have won, but gave a fantastic speech that was indeed one of the night's best. Bridges also gave a fantastic speech, mentioning the very talented folks in his family, but not in that sort of Hollywood "I have to say these names" kind of way.

The best supporting actor and actress awards were no big surprises — the names Christoph Waltz and Mo'Nique probably were engraved on their statues moments after they were announced as nominees — but there's a good reason for that — truly outstanding and amazing performances.

Here's a list of all the winners — have your Netflix cue handy...

Best picture

• "Avatar"

• "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]

• "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• "Up in the Air"

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Up"

• "The Blind Side"

• "District 9"

• "An Education"

• "A Serious Man"

Actor

• George Clooney, "Up in the Air"

• Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart" [WINNER]

• Colin Firth, "A Single Man"

• Morgan Freeman, "Invictus"

• Jeremy Renner, "The Hurt Locker"

Actress

• Meryl Streep, "Julie & Julia"

• Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side" [WINNER]

• Gabourey Sidibe, "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• Helen Mirren, "The Last Station"

• Carey Mulligan, "An Education"

Supporting actor

• Matt Damon, "Invictus"

• Woody Harrelson, "The Messenger"

• Christopher Plummer, "The Last Station"

• Stanley Tucci, "The Lovely Bones"

• Christoph Waltz, "Inglourious Basterds" [WINNER]

Supporting actress

• Vera Farmiga, "Up in the Air"

• Mo'Nique, "Precious" [WINNER]

• Anna Kendrick, "Up in the Air"

• Penelope Cruz, "Nine"

• Maggie Gyllenhaal, "Crazy Heart"

Director

• Quentin Tarantino, "Inglourious Basterds"

• Kathryn Bigelow, "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]

• James Cameron, "Avatar"

• Lee Daniels, "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"

• Jason Reitman, "Up in the Air"

Animated feature

• "Up" [WINNER]

• "Coraline"

• "Fantastic Mr. Fox"

• "The Princess and the Frog"

• "The Secret of Kells"

Original screenplay

• "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "The Messenger"

• "A Serious Man"

• "Up"

Adapted screenplay

• "District 9"

• "An Education"

• "In the Loop"

• "Precious" [WINNER]

• "Up in the Air"

Best foreign-language film

• "Ajami"

• "El Secreto de Sus Ojos" [WINNER]

• "The Milk of Sorrow"

• "Un Prophète"

• "The White Ribbon"

Best film editing

• "Avatar"

• "District 9"

• "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Precious"

Art direction

• "Avatar" [WINNER]

• "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"

• "Nine"

• "Sherlock Holmes"

• "The Young Victoria"

Cinematography

• "Avatar" [WINNER]

• "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "The White Ribbon"

Costume design

• "Bright Star"

• "Coco Before Chanel"

• "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"

• "Nine"

• "The Young Victoria" [WINNER]

Best documentary feature

• "Burma VJ"

• "The Cove" [WINNER]

• "Food, Inc."

• "The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers"

• "Which Way Home"

Documentary short

• "China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province"

• "The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner"

• "The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant"

• "Music by Prudence" [WINNER]

• "Rabbit à la Berlin"

Makeup

• "Il Divo"

• "Star Trek" [WINNER]

• "The Young Victoria"

Music (original score)

• "Avatar"

• "Fantastic Mr. Fox"

• "The Hurt Locker"

• "Sherlock Holmes"

• "Up" [WINNER]

Music (original song)

• "Almost There" from "The Princess and the Frog"

• "Down in New Orleans" from "The Princess and the Frog"

• "Loin de Paname" from "Paris 36"

• "Take it All" from "Nine"

• "The Weary Kind (Theme from "Crazy Heart") from "Crazy Heart" [WINNER]

Short film, animated

• "French Toast"

• "Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty"

• "The Lady and the Reaper"

• "Logorama" [WINNER]

• "A Matter of Loaf and Death"

Short film, live action

• "The Door"

• "Instead of Abracadabra"

• "Kavi"

• "Miracle Fish"

• "The New Tenants" [WINNER]

Sound editing

• "Avatar"

• "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Star Trek"

• "Up"

Sound mixing

• "Avatar"

• "The Hurt Locker" [WINNER]

• "Inglourious Basterds"

• "Star Trek"

• "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

Visual effects

• "Avatar" [WINNER]

• "District 9"

• "Star Trek"

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So ... whatcha doing Sunday?

Want to watch the Academy Awards with us?

That's right, we'll be blogging and tweeting this year's big show right here on Culture Crumbs. Follow along with us during the pre-show red carpet fashion show, wade through the jokes/showtunes/speeches with us and then get our reaction to the winners, including the night's biggest question mark: Best Picture. This year, there are 10 nominees, meaning it's almost anybody's game.

We'll be tweeting live from @LJWPulse and then doing a post-show blog right here on Culture Crumbs. Be a part of the conversation. We can't wait to hear what you have to say!

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OK, so if you'll recall, I heard from a producer at the Food Network's "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" a few weeks ago. She wanted to know if there were any restaurants in Lawrence that fit the bill for the show: Cheap, tasty and original.

I asked you all for suggestions and shipped them along, hopeful that we'd see host Guy Fieri's spiky blond head in Lawrence sometime soon. Well, the producer loved our responses, but the two restaurants she pushed to her bosses didn't make the cut because of two criteria of which I was unaware:

• The restaurant has to have been open at least a year.

• The restaurant has to make 90 percent of its food from scratch.

Therefore, her top two: The Basil Leaf Cafe (only open since October) and The Burger Stand at Dempsey's (which buys their fries pre-made and then spices them up) don't count.

So, she called me for some more suggestions. And though I was bummed that The Basil Leaf and Dempsey's didn't qualify, I told her I'd meditate on it some more. I also asked her for some more of the show's hidden criteria for its restaurants of choice. Here's what she had to say:

• The restaurant can't have had major national media exposure already (Therefore some KC BBQ staples — Gates, Arthur Bryant's and Oklahoma Joe's — are being skipped on the show's trip.)

• A meal at the restaurant can't cost more than $15.

• It can't be too fancy, obviously, because the show is all about diners, drive-ins and dives.

• It can't be a chain.

So, what are your favorites in Lawrence, K.C. and Topeka that fit the bill? Somewhere that's been open awhile but isn't TOO well known, makes almost everything from scratch, isn't too ritzy or expensive and is one-of-a-kind?

I'm getting hungry just racking my brain over this one...

In order to warm up for predicting this year’s NCAA basketball tournament, it’s best to start with something a little less perplexing: the Oscars.

For once, the acting races are all but sowed up in the 82nd Awards (which airs Sunday), so it should be a cinch to forecast, right?

Well, not if you’re putting your predictions up against mine. I’ve given readers plenty of opportunities to trump me in various print/online contests over the years. And except for that one year with “No Country for Old Men,” I’ve been rather undefeatable.

To start this year’s squabble, I’m going to pick boldly (and/or foolishly) in two categories:

The first is actress. For some reason, I just can’t picture peppy Sandra Bullock winning the honor (and that’s not just because of the residual stench of “All About Steve”). The conventional wisdom is that the actress category is a foregone conclusion this year. I find that hard to believe, considering Bullock's riding a horse as slight as “The Blind Side.” Instead, I’m counting on newcomer Gabourey Sidibe to score a huge upset for her emotionally taxing role in “Precious.”

The other prediction I’m sticking by involves best picture. I have said all along that there’s no way “Avatar” will win the top honor. It’s a science-fiction movie, folks. Those NEVER win a significant award among Academy voters. Instead, “The Hurt Locker” will be the victor in this expanded, 10-picture format. This clash presents the most interesting race in years. For once the drama will extend into the third (or fourth) hour of the telecast.

Here is my full roster of picks. I welcome all challengers in this very informal Oscar “contest.”

Performance by an actor in a leading role

• Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
• George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
• Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
• Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
• Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Matt Damon in “Invictus”
• Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
• Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
• Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
• Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds"

Performance by an actress in a leading role

• Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
• Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
• Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
• Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
• Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

• Penélope Cruz in “Nine”
• Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
• Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
• Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”

Best animated feature film of the year

• “Coraline”
• “Fantastic Mr. Fox”
• “The Princess and the Frog”
• “The Secret of Kells”
• “Up"

Achievement in art direction

• “Avatar”
• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”
• “Nine”
• “Sherlock Holmes”
• “The Young Victoria”

Achievement in cinematography

• “Avatar”
• “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”
• “The Hurt Locker”
• “Inglourious Basterds”
• “The White Ribbon”

Achievement in costume design

• “Bright Star”
• “Coco before Chanel”
• “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”
• “Nine”
• “The Young Victoria”

Achievement in directing

• “Avatar” -- James Cameron
• “The Hurt Locker” -- Kathryn Bigelow
• “Inglourious Basterds” -- Quentin Tarantino
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” -- Lee Daniels
• “Up in the Air” -- Jason Reitman

Best documentary feature

• “Burma VJ”
• “The Cove”
• “Food, Inc.”
• “The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers”
• “Which Way Home”

Best documentary short subject

• “China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province”
• “The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner”
• “The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant”
• “Music by Prudence”
• “Rabbit à la Berlin”

Achievement in film editing

• “Avatar”
• “District 9”
• “The Hurt Locker”
• “Inglourious Basterds”
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”

Best foreign language film of the year

• “Ajami”
• “El Secreto de Sus Ojos”
• “The Milk of Sorrow”
• “Un Prophète”
• “The White Ribbon”

Achievement in makeup

• “Il Divo”
• “Star Trek”
• “The Young Victoria”

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

• “Avatar” -- James Horner
• “Fantastic Mr. Fox” -- Alexandre Desplat
• “The Hurt Locker” -- Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
• “Sherlock Holmes” -- Hans Zimmer
• “Up” -- Michael Giacchino

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)

• “Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” -- Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
• “Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” -- Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
• “Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36” -- Music by Reinhardt Wagner, Lyric by Frank Thomas
• “Take It All” from “Nine” -- Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
• “The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” -- Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Best motion picture of the year

• “Avatar”
• “The Blind Side”
• “District 9”
• “An Education”
• “The Hurt Locker”
• “Inglourious Basterds”
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
• “A Serious Man”
• “Up”
• “Up in the Air”

Best animated short film

• “French Roast”
• “Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty”
• “The Lady and the Reaper
• “Logorama”
• “A Matter of Loaf and Death”

Best live action short film

• “The Door”
• “Instead of Abracadabra”
• “Kavi”
• “Miracle Fish”
• “The New Tenants”

Achievement in sound editing

• “Avatar”
• “The Hurt Locker”
• “Inglourious Basterds”
• “Star Trek”
• “Up”

Achievement in sound mixing

• “Avatar”
• “The Hurt Locker”
• “Inglourious Basterds”
• “Star Trek”
• “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”

Achievement in visual effects

• “Avatar”
• “District 9”
• “Star Trek”

Adapted screenplay

• “District 9” -- Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
• “An Education” -- Screenplay by Nick Hornby
• “In the Loop” -- Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
• “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” -- Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
• “Up in the Air” -- Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

Original screenplay

• “The Hurt Locker” -- Written by Mark Boal
• “Inglourious Basterds” -- Written by Quentin Tarantino
• “The Messenger” -- Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
• “A Serious Man” -- Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
• “Up” -- Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter

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To paraphrase the old adage, you can't be too cute or too young to take the stage on "American Idol."

As revealed by the first live look at the top 24 contestants -- in this case the female half -- the ninth season is shaping up to be a marketing department's dream.

Gone are the hefty divas and past-their-prime torch singers. They've been replaced by younger, chirpier models. Fortunately, a dose of diversity was reflected in their musical styles. As always, some were better than others. But none were terrible.

Also significant for the evening was the first live appearance by judge Ellen DeGeneres, who remained attentive, enthusiastic and far more interesting than the not-at-all-missed Paula Abdul. Her presence in tandem with Simon Cowell and Kara DioGuardi actually seemed to make the discourse-challenged Randy Jackson attempt to say something of interest. At least he appeared to not be sleepwalking through the proceedings.

In the interest of avoiding a 2,000-word blog -- I'd much rather devote those words to answering my hate mail -- here's a quick rundown on how the contestants fared.

• Paige Miles ("All Right Now"): Good voice but generic everything else. Partial kudos for attempting a classic rock staple instead of something from the Mariah Carey catalog.

• Ashley Rodriguez (some Leona Lewis song): A weak low range and out-of-tune meanderings made for an unmemorable debut.

• Janell Wheeler ("What About Love"): Why try and duplicate Ann Wilson's unbeatable voice? Wheeler proved in her auditions to have taste and creativity, so her tackling a wedding-band song was disappointing. Anyone else think she looks like a cross between Kate Winslet and Scarlett Johansson?

• Lily Scott ("Fixing a Hole"): Easily the freakiest Beatles song yet performed on "Idol." Still, there's something that didn't quite "come together" with this barista-looking hipster.

• Katelyn Epperly ("Oh! Darling"): Great pipes but somewhat awkward. Much potential, though. And curls to match.

• Haeley Vaughn ("I Want to Hold Your Hand"): While effectively trying to mix up the arrangement on this early Beatles hit, Vaughn veered between infectious and chaotic.

• Lacey Brown ("Landslide"): Could she not hear? There were moments when the crimson-haired siren must have thought she was performing a capella because she couldn’t connect with the band whatsoever on the Fleetwood Mac gem.

• Michelle Delamor ("Falling"): When playing "spot the pro," here’s the most likely choice. She'll do well on theme nights as she radiates that ability to competently deliver on whatever is thrown her way. Can't you picture her fielding requests at a corporate fundraiser?

• Didi Benami ("The Way I Am"): Although she looks like a young country artist, she leans more toward the hip Duffy/Adele/Megan Joy school of singing. But sometimes "new" can get "old" real fast.

• Siobhan Magnus ("Wicked Game"): There's something bizarre about this big-voiced contestant -- besides the length of her front teeth. She'll either do really well or have a memorable meltdown. Money is on the latter.

• Crystal Bowersox ("Hand in My Pocket"): Really, a harmonica neck holder? Talk about putting a barrier between you and the audience. You might as well be wearing a metal mouth brace like that nerd girl in "Sixteen Candles." At least she got her teeth whitened. Oh, and she's pretty good in that Wakarusa Fest kind of way.

• Katie Stevens ("Feeling Good"): High school theater vibe coupled with back-of-the-throat delivery made young Stevens a poor choice of a finalist. She needs to go back to playing Marian in "The Music Man."

Bottom three prediction: Ashley Rodriguez, Paige Miles and Lacey Brown.

Loser: Ashley Rodriguez. Remember, it's not how bad you are in the early rounds, it's how forgettable you are.

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So, you know we love our "Top Chef" here at Culture Crumbs, and now we have a reason to love it even more: A local chef is going to be on the Bravo show!

OK, so by local we mean Kansas City — the American Restaurant at Crown Center, no less — but that's cool, we'll take what we can get. (Note to the "Top Chef" folks — we have great chefs in Lawrence!)

Her name is Debbie Gold (that's her wielding the bread in the photo above) and she's the executive chef at the American, which if you know K.C., you know is a really fancy/drool-worthy restaurant downtown. She's one of 22 chefs appearing on this season of the show's spin-off "Top Chef Masters" which features famed chefs competing against each other in the kitchen.

The show's season debut is April 7. To learn more about Debbie, check out the report below from Kansas City's Fox 4.

"So this is it, huh? I come on; you leave."

So began the first conversation between incoming "American Idol" judge Ellen DeGeneres and outgoing judge Simon Cowell.

After much ballyhoo, DeGeneres took her chair at the judges podium during "Hollywood Week" on the ninth season of television's No. 1 program, ending months of speculation about the outcome. Would she be timid? Would she be harsh? Would she be too funny? Does she know enough about music to be relevant?

Fortunately, wedged into a panel that includes anti-wordsmith Randy Jackson and fiesty/fakey Kara DioGuardi, she couldn't help but look impressive.

DeGeneres wasted no time bringing humor to the auditions -- humor as in the type where people laugh with you instead of at you a la Paula Abdul. Her dressing down of an annoying contestant for "stalking the stage like a leopard" was hilarious. "Sexy and scary -- it's a fine line," she explained.

More importantly, she seemed to be focused on getting the correct choices during the winnowing process rather than coming up with an appropriate zinger. (“Top Chef” guest judge Toby Young could learn a few things from her in this regard.)

Love her or hate her -- although don't most people lean more to the love side? -- you have to admit that DeGeneres has taken enough professional and personal shots in her lifetime to be pretty bulletproof when it comes to standing by her own opinions. Ultimately, that's the single most precious commodity en route to becoming a respectable critic in any medium.

Now if only her addition could help solve the problem of what to do when Cowell abdicates his throne next season ...