The new and improved American Idol is back for its 8th season, with fresh faces, new rules and the same old crap.

But isn’t that why we love this most holy of unholy shows?

I had all but given up on Idol midway through last year. But once Kansas City’s David Cook started cruising along toward his eventual crowning, things got far more interesting. Cook is the best of the recent winners — and he’s experienced splitting $50 four ways while his band opened for modest headliners at bars in Lawrence.

The most intriguing aspect of the season opener is the one-of-a-kind dynamic of seeing how four full-time judges interact. As a faithful viewer, I already know what Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul are going to say before they start to mug for the camera … every time. I blame them equally for all the inanity of the last few seasons. Insightful, constructive and eloquent they are not.

For instance, even before Jackson opened his mouth to give his vote on the second contestant featured on the opener (the tattooed rocker chick), I knew he was going to say “100 million percent yes.” Because adding a few more digits to a percentage is going to make it somehow more definite, right?

Fortunately, newbie Kara DioGuardi added the needed edge of unfamiliarity to the proceedings — even if she is still nowhere near as amusing as Simon Cowell. She even showed off her vocal prowess to a bewildered auditioner and showed a little skin befitting the weather of the Phoenix-based auditions. Paula, she’s like your worst “All About Eve” nightmare.

On a side note, don’t believe any interview or press release about why the producers decided to mix up the chemistry of the core three amigos. DioGuardi is there for one reason and one reason alone: to replace the loopy Abdul when she inevitably self-destructs.

It could be this season or next, but it is a mathematical certainty that it WILL happen. Perhaps the chances are even as high as 100 million percent.