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Opinion

Opinion

Column: Outdated attitudes revealed

October 3, 2012

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“Ladylike?”

It is a telling choice of word. Hearing it used unironically, as would-be Missouri senator Todd Akin did last week, one almost feels as if Amelia Earhart never flew a plane and Sally Ride never rode a space shuttle. As if Madame C.J. Walker never made millions and Meg Whitman never made CEO. As if Lisa Leslie never dunked, Pat Benatar never rocked, Oprah Winfrey never reigned, Hillary Clinton never ran.

But that is, indeed, what the man said. In an interview last week, he complained that his opponent, Sen. Claire McCaskill, was very aggressive in debating him, unlike her 2006 race, when she was “much more ladylike.”

Akin, last heard revealing the existence of a previously unknown mechanism in the female body that shuts down contraception in the event of “legitimate rape,” might want to pen himself a reminder to not talk about women again, ever.

This latest gaffe is somewhat reminiscent of when Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was quoted as saying candidate Barack Obama had the ability to switch off and on his “Negro dialect.” While the observation was true enough, we were still left to grapple that bizarre choice of word. There has not been a “Negro” in this country since 1969, the year Reid turned 30. How is it he failed, for 40 years, to get the memo?

One wonders the same about Akin. The issue is not dated terminology, per se, but rather, the suspicion that it reflects a dated worldview — particularly with Akin, given his belief in a rape-resistant uterus.

But though he is the latest, he is hardly the only man who has sought recently to police the decorum of female lawmakers. Consider the 2011 email Rep. Allen West sent Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz telling her, “you are not a lady” and “shall not be accorded due respect from me.” And then there’s then-Sen. Arlen Specter’s 2010 shot at Rep. Michele Bachmann during a radio interview: “I’ll treat you like a lady. So act like one.”

One struggles to imagine a male lawmaker being chided to behave in a gentlemanly fashion. The person doing the chiding would be laughed into oblivion and deservedly so — the complaint belongs to the era of handlebar moustaches and high-wheeled bikes.

This is not to say that a man ought not strive to behave in ways that reflect class, refinement and manners. He should. A woman should, too. In a nation so rude that a member of Congress hectors the president during a televised speech, many of us could stand to act as if we’d had the benefit of home training.

But this is not about that. It is, rather, about an arrogant, condescending and paternalistic mindset that says a woman cannot be tough, aggressive, competitive, smart or feisty, that if she embodies those traits, so prized in men, she does so at the cost of her own femininity.

In this construction, being a “lady” has nothing to do with good home training, and everything to do with being properly deferential and submissive in the presence of testosterone. And yes, you may just want to chalk all this up to a difference of values, to say that Akin, West and Specter are just old-fashioned guys having trouble finding their way in a newfangled world. But to do that is give them a pass they do not deserve. It is to tell a little girl she must truncate the sprawl and adventure of her personality, prune it back until it fits into a small, dainty box marked “ladylike.”

That would be a tragedy. And a betrayal.

There is, frankly, a point at which being “old-fashioned” becomes being stubborn, denying unwelcome, unsettling and self-evident change. These fellows are well past that point and our message to them ought to be simply this:

If you want to govern in this century, try living in it first.

— Leonard Pitts Jr. is a columnist for the Miami Herald. He chats with readers from noon to 1 p.m. CDT each Wednesday on www.MiamiHerald.com.

Comments

begin60 1 year, 6 months ago

Talk about outdated, paternalistic attitudes! They are way too prevalent in Lawrence, KS for my taste. Think whatever bigoted way you want, but no one has the right to harass and terrorize complete strangers by aggressively getting up in their business with their backward attitudes. People who behave in this way and feel entitled to extort gratitude from complete strangers need a lot of help with their brains. I'm a patient, generous, and open-minded person, but even nice people have their limits. I can't believe that the amazingly backward people who so aggressively stuck their prejudiced noses up in my business in Lawrence still exist in the 21st century world. Sons of bigots, for sure. No thanks. We do not belong in each other's stories.

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1 year, 6 months ago

"Outdated" is of course the problem - like any other "style," language is cyclical and arbitrary. One might as well criticize someone for wearing bell-bottoms, at least until they pass into fashion again. At that point those who are a generation out of date are on the bleeding edge as well.

While Pitts says there have been no negroes in America since 1969 (and one wonders therefore who the UNCF gives all its money to), we have had a series of euphemisms - black, colored, negro, Afro-American, people of color, and finally the unwieldy African American - that all mean the same thing and are applied by the same people to the same people. That euphemism treadmill also shows no evidence of stopping, so the same language police tut-tutting others for not using "African American" will be those who tut-tut others for still using it when it passes out of fashion in a few years. It would be highly ironic were it to be replaced by "negro."

Ladylike is different. Sexist it very well may be, harboring as it does social expectations based on sex, but words mean things. A woman who acts in ways traditionally associated with men - and particularly boorish ones at that - by being "tough, aggressive, competitive, smart or feisty" does so at the cost of her own femininity. Perhaps femininity is not worth having in our sexually disoriented world, but let's not pretend the word means nothing. It certainly harkens to another time, but like the euphemism, there's no guarantee that time is not in our future as well as our past.

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blue73harley 1 year, 6 months ago

I guess I am an old coot.

I don't think the words ladylike or gentlemanly are a bad thing.

We could use more of both in politics.

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tange 1 year, 6 months ago

Testosterone stinks.

/ almost as bad as what's used to cover it

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fiddleback 1 year, 6 months ago

The Great Recession changes people, and Todd must not be familiar with the legendary "Mad Dog McCaskill...Raised by wolves! Sold to vultures! And married to a wildebeest!"

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-february-5-2009/clusterf--k-to-the-poor-house---economic-recovery-plan

Here's hoping the less "ladylike" senator kicks Akin's 19th century tail all the way back to his outhouse in Wildwood, MO.

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Fossick 1 year, 6 months ago

"One struggles to imagine a male lawmaker being chided to behave in a gentlemanly fashion."

One does not struggle to recall male lawmakers being chided to "Man up," however, which certainly carries the same sexist connotations, handlebar mustaches aside. I surely hope Leonard will be so kind as to inform us all when that phrase reaches his proclaimed expiration date.

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gbulldog 1 year, 6 months ago

Democratic canidate are having a tough time defending the Democrat party and its platform. So they must become tougher. As an independant, I feel I have no choice in this election. The Democratic party goes against the moral standards and historical standards that our forfathers fought and died for. As for my faith, it is derided, just like the Muslims are doing to Christians in the Middle East. So we can end up like Syria and the Middle East. And woman, forget about the progrees made over the years. Your rights will disapear, once the Muslims take over.

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observant 1 year, 6 months ago

6:30 AM and not a single poster on yet calling Pitts a racist. All the nutcases sleeping in?

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