Archive for Saturday, March 17, 2012

Performance art

March 17, 2012


To the editor:

I wish to announce the upcoming season of a production of what I consider to be an important work of art.

It draws attention to modern noisy and smelly and ultimately planet-destroying practices of cutting grass by using a simple push mower pushed back and forth and, on alternate weeks, pushed forth and back.

No fossil fuels will be harmed in the production of this artistic endeavor, but I sincerely regret that some chickens will have been inhumanely treated to fuel the artist. But not enough to stop eating them.

I hope the Academy will not take this too seriously in evaluating my artistic work for the recognition it truly deserves.

Also, to whom it may concern, please consider this my grant application. I did not realize that funding might be available for my art — this piece which I have been performing for many years now without an audience and which I now invite to come by and view.

Audience members will be encouraged to take a push themselves on the old mower and bond with the artist, although I am aware this will be considered by some to be somewhat derivative. Apologies, Mr. Twain.

I have another tool of art in my garage that I have done some very expressive work with in my yard  — also for free. It is called a spade.


christy kennedy 6 years, 3 months ago

Hey Bert, Please consider a performance in our yard, which we intend to make available to artists at least once a week. We're taking applications but I would put you at the top of the list.

grimpeur 6 years, 3 months ago

Good for you! A heartfelt thanks to Christy and all patrons of the arts!

beatrice 6 years, 3 months ago

Clever, and a worthy counterpart to the art of power mowing:

Don't forget, if you package the clippings, they too can be a commodity, a further record of the performance.

Liberty275 6 years, 3 months ago

Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way? I'll supply the rake and the bags.

Free Internets to whoever guesses the movie I just ripped off. No Googling!

Liberty275 6 years, 3 months ago

I have 1/3rd acre in town and an 11 HP rider with a 40" deck to keep it cut. I Cut both my neighbors' front yards so I have some place to turn around. I'm proud to be part of your upcoming "season". Break a leg!

But I don't want to see the chicken thing. Let me know where and when that is so I can be somewhere else. Harming a defenseless animal is about as close to offensive as a thing can be to me.

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