To the editor:

I participate in an activity that I think is equivalent to Sandra Fluke’s favorite activity, and it ain’t studying the law. When I make an eagle or birdie, I feel exhilarated, my heart rate and blood pressure rise, I’m happy, I’m satisfied, I’m at peace with the world. As Ms. Fluke, I think that this activity shouldn’t cost me any money.

We all know that golf can be expensive. Plus, I need bogey and double-bogey prevention therapy in the form of golf lessons. I don’t need multiple lessons every day or even once a day. I’m requesting a lesson once or twice each week. As you know, a despondent and depressed golfer can cause havoc in today’s world, especially if he possesses an automatic weapon. I plead, I beg, my fellow Lawrencians, please help me not to have an unplanned bogey and certainly not a double bogey.