With the sump pump booming like tympani, the ground as soggy as pablum and the sun an infrequent visitor, I went to the dictionary.

Surely, we had to be in the middle of a Kansas monsoon. Well, yes and no.

The monsoon is specific to southern Asia, but what the heck : neither Webster nor Funk and Wagnalls will turn you into the authorities if you want to call this freaky spring weather a monsoon.

How wet has it been?

Hank Booth, the local radio icon, mentioned on his morning show he had seen Noah in the KLWN parking lot. Maybe it was Noah, maybe it wasn’t.

All I know is at about the same time, an elderly bearded gentleman was asking people in the Journal-World parking lot if they wanted to board the ark he had anchored behind Bowersock Mill.

But seriously, folks : we are somewhere within 40 days and 40 nights of hydro hell for players and coaches of spring outdoor sports. If they aren’t playing because it’s too wet, they’re slipping and sliding on tacky surfaces slathered with kitty litter.

Yet as frustrating as it has been for those in uniform, it has been a nightmare for those whose job it is to reschedule contests.

“This is absolutely the worst,” said Steve Grant, who has been Free State High athletic director since the school opened 10 years ago. “I can’t remember the likelihood of not getting all our games in.”

Postponements have been so numerous that Free State’s baseball team was scheduled to play five days in a row this week. Now the number is down to four after Monday’s postponement, and it may be three if the Firebirds can’t get on their diamond today.

At least the baseball field has a tarp. Free State’s softball diamond, meanwhile, has no covering, so a doubleheader scheduled for today had to be called off Monday.

“Even if we had the sun come out,” Grant said, “we couldn’t get the (softball) field ready.”

Hopefully, the softball field will be playable by Wednesday, when Free State and perennial Class 6A power Olathe East are scheduled to clash for the Sunflower League title. The eagerly anticipated matchup between the Firebirds and Hawks already has been postponed twice because of wet grounds.

Even a Free State girls soccer match had to be called Monday because of soggy field conditions. That’s news because the Firebirds’ soccer team played a match one day last week in pouring-down rain.

Sub-state seedings for baseball, soccer and softball will be determined Saturday by the KSHSAA, and if you don’t play the maximum number of games, that’s just tough.

And there’s no way Free State’s baseball team will have a full, uh, boat because the Firebirds will take the unprecedented step of playing a game after the seedings are made. That game against Leavenworth will be at 4 p.m. Monday at Kauffman Stadium.

“That’s a special deal because both teams have done fundraising for it,” Grant said. “We had to get permission from the KSHSAA to do it. That one has been postponed about four times, I think.”

So the next time you come to town, Noah, leave the ship behind. Bring a domed indoor sports arena instead.