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Archive for Saturday, June 23, 2007

A Bush strategy for stretch run

June 23, 2007

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The White House:

Mr. President, Chief of Staff Bolton is here.

Come in Josh, we need to talk.

What's up, Mr. President?

My presidency, Josh. I only have 600 days left in office.

Actually, you have 579 days, 14 hours, 10 minutes and...

You have a countdown clock, don't you?

Gift from a Democrat, sir.

Can't say I'm amused, Josh.

Sorry, sir.

Anyway, I've drawn up a list of my priorities for the stretch run.

Fire away, sir.

OK: No. 1, impeach Cheney.

Impeach your vice president?

Why not? He and his bunch of neocon nincompoops are the ones that got me into this Iraq mess.

The only thing I would point out, sir, is that Cheney is your insurance. They're never going to impeach you if he's the alternative.

Good point. Hey, what if we impeach him and replace him with someone equally dislikable?

That might work, sir. Who do you have in mind?

Rosie O'Donnell.

Hmm, let me think on that, sir. What's next?

No. 2, Get Fredo on the Supreme Court.

When you say Fredo, sir, you mean Attorney General Alberto Gonzales?

Absolutely. He'd make a great Supreme.

The only problem is it takes 51 votes in the Senate to confirm, sir.

OK, hypothetically, if we nominated him today, how many votes would he get?

Right now, sir, one.

One! Who?

Joe Lieberman.

I could kiss that man.

What's next, sir?

No. 3, grant statehood to Albania.

Albania!

Great place. You ever been? They really, really love me there. Make a great state.

Moving right along, sir.

Right. No. 4, get all the illegals out of the country.

How do you propose we do that, sir? Mass arrests?

Arrests? Heck, no. How are you going to arrest 12 million people?

Then what's your solution, sir?

Simple, Josh - we offer them parting gifts.

Parting gifts, sir?

Sure, like they do on the game shows. People love parting gifts. We could hand them out at the border.

Interesting approach, sir.

Where am I? Oh, No. 5. Make Fox News the executive branch's official source of information.

Sir, Fox News is already the executive branch's official source of information.

Another good point there, Josh. Let's skip to No. 6, global warming.

You're concerned about global warming, sir?

Absolutely. Everybody should be, you know, in case there turns out to be something to it.

What do you propose, sir?

It's a program I call "Share the AC." Every day we require everyone in the country who has AC - businesses, homeowners, drivers - to open all their windows for one hour. Tell me all that cold air wouldn't cool things off.

Right. Um, where are we now, sir, No. 7?

Yep, No. 7, Scooter Libby.

Oh, tough one. Pardon him or don't pardon him? Which way you leaning, sir?

I'm thinking about making him a knight.

A knight?

Yeah, you know, Sir Scooter.

I don't think you have the power, sir. I think only kings and queens can do that.

Hold on. I'm the leader of the free world and you're telling me I can't make someone a knight?

I'll check the Constitution, sir, but I'm pretty sure you can't knight people.

You know, Josh, there are a lot of things about this job I'm not going to miss at all.

Comments

Tom Shewmon 6 years, 10 months ago

Ummmm, the Hartford Courant? Jim Shea? Is he the publishers son-in-law? Is he giving sexual favors to the editor? Is the editor suffering from Alzheimers? This most definitely is where journalism hits rock bottom. Most definitely.

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Machiavelli_mania 6 years, 10 months ago

(This letter is from upstate California) Four reasonable questions for the candidates: 1.)If the United States was invaded by foreigners who bombed,killed and crippled many thousands of your countrymen during a war based on lies, then occupied the nation with soldiers who break down doors in the night,terrorize families and haul people off to torture prisons, would you cooperate with the foreigners or join the resistance and fight to the death? 2.)When an American vehicle gets bombed and set on fire with soldiers burning inside and screaming for help,isn't it more likely the Iraqis who watch will cheer rather than help? 3.)The war was sold with lies.Wouldn't a victory mean a triumph of lies and lawbreaking? 4.)The majority of Americans and Iraqis want the occupation to end,yet the Pentagon is making permanent military bases.What is the use of supporting the troops if all they're doing is making enemies of the American people.

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Reality_Check 6 years, 10 months ago

Pretty funny!

Actually, he just might be able to Knight someone, because he acts like he's the King all the time.

I'm ready for the Impeach Cheney part, since he now claims the VP's office isn't part of the executive branch, yet cited executive privilege when he wouldn't disclose what oil company execs he met with and what they discussed (and won the right to do so through the Supreme Court).

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OZ 6 years, 10 months ago

. . . . .

3,546 American Soldiers are DEAD due to the LIES of the IDIOT DUBYA, but NO "STEM CELLS" were hurt.

750,000 American CHILDREN under the age of FIVE (5) are without one or BOTH parents due to military deployment as a result of the IDIOT DUBYA'S LIES.

These are the GOP RADICAL X-TIAN TERRORIST'S "family values" at work, DESTROYING MORE American Families. . . . .

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