To the editor:

Well good Lord, I thought I’d heard everything — but never anything like an antiglare ordinance. But now that I’ve been enlightened and know that we have rules against too much light, I want to complain, too.

When the county “light Gestapo” gets through dragging the poor Rev. Scott Hanks off in cuffs and fines his church into bankruptcy, I would like them to come back into town and do the same thing to their own property over here on Ridge Court. You know the place, Mr. Dabney? The former Valley View care home you all converted to the United Way offices? I’m complaining about the glare! The glare of lights in my eyes every time I look out the windows from our family room or sitting out in my yard on a warm summer night. My back yard is better lit than most airports thanks to neighbors and the county’s own light show over here. Speaking of neighbors, I expect you’ll start fining private citizens before long for this horrendous crime?

Oops, I guess that means you will probably be out at my house next week with the light Gestapo to pull the plug on my flag in the front yard? Well, since I’m all warmed up now, is there any chance we can pull the plug on those blasted lights over at Holcolm Park? They bother me. Hang in there, Reverend!

Dave Affalter,

Lawrence