To the editor:
The Lawrence City Commission is to be commended for their action banning fireworks.
Since they view fireworks as both a danger to those using them - and a potential fire hazard, they showed wisdom in protecting our citizens from these killer explosives.
This is an important first step - but it's only the first of many needed to ensure public safety. The commission should now:
1. Ban Easter eggs. Candy eggs have been shown to contribute to both tooth decay and childhood obesity. Poultry eggs (if not properly cooked) could cause serious illness and possible death by salmonella poisoning. In the interest of public safety, the commission must act immediately to eliminate those killer Easter eggs.
2. Ban trick-or-treating. Candy is evil (see above). Young, costumed children must be banned from public streets and sidewalks to protect them from injury.
3. Ban Christmas trees. Christmas trees are a known fire hazard. Strung with electric lights, these killers pose an unacceptable risk. Young children, fascinated by the bright lights could crawl to the tree and be either electrocuted or crushed by falling debris. A ban on Christmas trees is urgently needed!
Of course, once these important bans are added to the already-enacted fireworks ban, there are even more important things that our enlightened city commission members could do to protect our ignorant citizens and ensure public safety.
I can hardly wait.