photo by: Contributed

Georgia Garvey

There’s a quote on my desktop from the Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius that I’m making the subject of my New Year’s resolution in 2025. It goes like this:

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”

I suppose there are different lenses through which one can examine the saying, but I choose to appreciate it this way: I need to stay in my lane. There’s one person whose actions I can control, so why don’t I focus more on her and less on what other people are saying, doing and thinking?

It’s getting tough not to look at what my neighbors are doing — tougher and tougher each year, as social media increasingly attempts to overcome our ability to mind our own business and as media companies and influencers leverage rage and envy to increase engagement and, hence, their profits.

But it’s more important than ever for me to look inward instead of outward. Because that’s the only way to keep the focus on what counts and on the one thing I have any hope of changing — myself. The rest is a sure path to suffering.

Aurelius, a prolific writer and deep thinker who lived more than 1,800 years ago, had his share of suffering. His father died when he was 3 and at least seven of his children died in infancy or at young ages. Cassius Dio wrote of Aurelius that he “did not meet with the good fortune that he deserved, for he was not strong in body and was involved in a multitude of troubles throughout practically his entire reign.”

It’s not just the lucky who need to focus on themselves (though, really, when you think about it, we’re all pretty lucky). Like Aurelius suggested, pushing aside our concern with the detritus of our neighbors helps us deal with our own festering trash heaps.

It reminds me a little of the Bible verse from Matthew 7:3, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

We all have planks, and I’m no exception.

I’m also taking a fairly liberal approach to defining who my “neighbors” are. They can be my actual, honest-to-goodness neighbors — who seem to be able to work full-time jobs and be involved in after-school activities and the PTA and still get their kids outside often enough so that their muscles don’t atrophy — and my more conceptual “neighbors” — people who love RFK Jr. and keep posting on Twitter about how overrated vaccines are.

Because the thoughts and actions of both of these types of neighbors are (or should be) irrelevant to me. It doesn’t help me to find fault in myself by comparison to others. And as for the people with whom I have disagreements — political and philosophical in nature — as Aurelius points out, there’s nothing much I can do to change their thoughts, words or deeds.

It’s not quite New Year’s yet, but I’ve already been putting into action my new resolution, trying to keep from getting pulled into the morass of what other parents were giving their kids for Christmas, what kind of holiday trips other families were taking and what Instagram-worthy food everyone else was cooking.

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” someone smart once said.

I’m also trying to stay away from the news about our often dishonest, ignoble or attention-seeking politicians and public figures, as well as their numerous acolytes. I’m stepping aside for a bit from getting too wrapped up in events over which I have no control, a sphere that most certainly includes politics both foreign and domestic. One day, maybe I’ll be elected emperor and then I could really change things.

Or, like Marcus Aurelius, even if I get to be emperor, maybe I’ll still choose to ignore my neighbors and keep my attention closer to home.

I have a feeling I’d be happier that way. And I’ll have all of 2025 to find out.

— Georgia Garvey is a syndicated columnist with Creators.