photo by: Josie Heimsoth/Journal-World

Larry McElwain stands in front of Warren-McElwain Mortuary in Lawrence on Friday, November 22, 2024.

Larry McElwain was on his way to attend a basketball game in January at Allen Fieldhouse, like he had many times before. This time, though, would be forever different. McElwain collapsed less than 100 yards from the front doors after suffering a heart attack.

Fortunately, two women and a nearby doctor quickly sprang into action, performing CPR until first responders arrived.

“My heart stopped,” McElwain told the Journal-World. “I could have been dead and never revived, but if you’re going to have a heart attack, there’s no better place to have it than there because there were EMTs and doctors everywhere.”

While on the way to the hospital, his wife, Susan McElwain, was told to meet them at the KU Medical Center.

“They told her, ‘you just go ahead and drive to (the hospital). We’ll meet you there,'” McElwain said. “So she went to the car by herself, very shaken. She got in the car, laid her head on the steering wheel and said, ‘God, is this the way you’re going to take Larry? He hasn’t (finished his book yet).”

But McElwain – the former funeral director of Warren-McElwain Mortuary in Lawrence – was successfully treated at the hospital and has since been able to finish his book that has been a long time coming. The book, “A Life Lived Amongst Lives Lost,” was written with author and award-winning journalist Chris Meggs, and was published at the beginning of November.

The book gives a peek into a profession that few understand, working to plan funerals and help families through the grieving process. McElwain had been doing this work for over 45 years before leaving the mortuary in 2015.

McElwain said he wrote the book because, well, he couldn’t get out of it. Although he experienced the heart attack in January, he had been working on the book long before that. The heart attack served as a wake-up call, making him realize that he needed to complete the book.

“All of a sudden a light went off in my head, and I decided (that) I got to get this done,” McElwain said. “I cannot tell myself anymore that this isn’t important … I thought, ‘Thank you, God, for sparing me. I got to make something out of this.'”

Grief is the most powerful of all human emotions, McElwain said. He said that the most important thing he’s learned in his long career as a funeral director was listening to the families that are going through these difficult times.

“You just learn a lot from people listening to what they like and what they’re about,” McElwain said. “… I need to know what they want me to help them do.”

McElwain added that it was very difficult working with families who had lost a child.

“When a parent has a child die, the dreams that they had for that child die too,” McElwain said. “They thought their child was going to grow up and raise their grandkids, and all of a sudden, life has changed.”

While he has helped prepare services for many people, it can be completely different when it’s time to bury people you know, including loved ones. McElwain has buried his mom, dad, many good friends and past employees.

“I was told early on in my career that ‘Larry, this is a lot easier today than it will be eventually. You’ll get older and people that you know, that are your friends, that are your family, will die,'” McElwain said.

“There’s got to be a discipline to walk the fine line between grieving with you and grieving for you,” McElwain said. “I have to grieve with you.”

“Grieving with you” refers to empathizing with someone else’s sorrow, offering support and comfort during their time of loss by being present. On the other hand, “grieving for you” means experiencing sadness and a sense of loss personally due to the death of the person.

Before becoming a funeral director, McElwain said the line of work was something he had long been interested in. He has received degrees from KU and the San Francisco College of Mortuary Science. Additionally, he has served as the president and CEO of the Lawrence Chamber of Commerce and president of the Kansas Funeral Directors Association.

Last June, McElwain was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, a disorder of the central nervous system that affects movement, often including tremors. While this is something he continues to deal with and will for the rest of his life, Tom Zschoche, a Delta Chi fraternity brother who also had Parkinson’s disease, inspired the final chapter of his book, titled “Keep Movin’.”

In October, there was a dinner and reunion for the fraternity on KU’s campus, at Allen Fieldhouse. That evening, McElwain had asked him for advice on what he’s learned since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.

“Keep moving is what he told me that day,” McElwain said. “And it was coming from somebody that had already been dealing with this disease for 12 years.”

Zschoche died in mid-November of this year. While McElwain said he initially took Zschoche’s advice literally, he now realizes his friend was talking about more than physical well-being. It also is important to keep a positive outlook too, McElwain said.

“Parkinson’s can take you down to the point where you can’t breathe and you can’t do anything,” McElwain said. “I don’t know what’s ahead of me. I’m not going to worry about what’s ahead of me. I’m just going to keep moving because that’s what he said I needed to do.”

There will be a book signing for “A Life Lived Amongst Lives Lost” on Sunday, Dec. 8 at Warren McElwain Mortuary, 120 W. 13th St., from 2 to 4 p.m.