At age 15, Erica Smith attempted suicide. Now, at 24, she still attends therapy and works as a volunteer for Headquarters Counseling Center. She is also a member of the Douglas County Suicide Prevention Coalition, which will host a screening of The

As a teenager, Erica Smith felt completely disconnected from her peers. She felt like they were easily enjoying life, and she wasn’t able to enjoy anything at all. She was feeling shame, anxiety, fear and exhaustion.

Smith had experienced sexual trauma in middle school and high school. She received support afterward, but then people quit checking on her and she didn’t talk about it.

“I felt like what happened to me wasn’t a big enough deal to warrant the feelings that I was having,” she said. “I felt ashamed about what happened and how much it was impacting me. I felt like everyone else in my life had moved on and I needed to, but I couldn’t.”

At age 15, Erica Smith attempted suicide. Now, at 24, she still attends therapy and works as a volunteer for Headquarters Counseling Center. She is also a member of the Douglas County Suicide Prevention Coalition, which will host a screening of The

At first, Smith said she felt like she needed a break and wished she could just disappear — leave her body and the pain behind. She began to think about how she could make that happen, which turned into thoughts of death and dying.

“I began thinking about ways that I could die, and it went on for a really long time,” she said. “They were constant and they consumed me. It relentlessly stole my energy every day.”

She also began to think: Would anyone care? She thought so, but she also thought she was a burden to other people who would be better off without her. All of these experiences were piled on top of sleep deprivation, which magnifies symptoms. Her breaking point? A bad basketball practice.

She attempted suicide — at age 15. After the attempt, she reached out to her mother and asked for help, and she began going to therapy.

Now, at age 24, Smith continues to go to therapy.

“That’s a really big support that I rely on heavily,” she said. “I still struggle, and I need support and I’m a regular person.” Part of her therapy is helping others.

Smith, who earned a bachelor’s and master’s degree in social work, has been a volunteer at Headquarters Counseling Center since 2014. The Lawrence-based center has trained volunteer counselors who answer calls 24/7 at 785-841-2345. They also answer calls for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in Kansas at 800-273-8255 (TALK). Smith encourages anyone who needs support to call those numbers.

“You could be sad, depressed, feeling anxious or heartbroken — we are here to listen and offer support,” Smith said. “We also talk to lots of people who are concerned about loved ones.

“Too often, people don’t think what they’re going through is as bad as someone else, so they shame themselves into being quiet, and that silence is harmful.”

The Douglas County Suicide Prevention Coalition will host a screening of The

Smith is a member of the Douglas County Suicide Prevention Coalition, which is working to break the silence and reduce the stigma associated with suicide. Its efforts include educating the public about suicide and suicide prevention and offering resources and training to residents. The coalition’s members represent organizations across the county.

“Our goal is to open the conversation about suicide, reduce the shame and silence that have clung to suicide for far too long, and strive toward prevention of suicide,” said Anna Barger, chair of the coalition. “By working together and talking about it, we can all help prevent suicide.”

The coalition is hosting a screening of “The S Word,” a new documentary addressing suicide, at 6:30 p.m. Wednesday, Oct. 4, in the Kansas Union’s Woodruff Auditorium on the University of Kansas campus. The 90-minute film delves into the hearts and minds of suicide attempt survivors, along with their families and loved ones.

The screening will be followed by a conversation with the film’s director, Lisa Klein, who lost her brother and father to suicide 35 years ago when she was in college. After their deaths, she experienced fear, shame and deep sadness.

“These were two of the most important people in my life. It was so incredibly sad, and I’m still dealing with it,” Klein said during a telephone interview from Los Angeles.

Lisa Klein, director of The

When she first began working on the film, it was going to be about people who had experienced suicide loss. However, through her research, she found a thriving community of people who had attempted suicide and survived. Many of them were advocating and helping other people — like Smith.

“It’s so important to talk to somebody, to listen to somebody and not be ashamed of the word — suicide,” Klein said.

She also hopes people feel less alone.

“For people who have been there and on that edge, I want them to know there are people and places to turn to,” she said. “There is no burden in helping someone you love through something. That’s part of the deal. That’s part of being in somebody’s life. We are all struggling with something.”

— Karrey Britt is the communications coordinator for the Lawrence-Douglas County Health Department.