Q: My son is a very finicky eater. What can I do to get him to eat better?

A: Let’s first talk about who qualifies as a fussy, finicky, picky or choosy eater.

According to the well-known family therapist and feeding specialist Ellyn Satter, a fussy eater is a child (or adult for that matter) who comes to the table and won’t eat some of everything that is put before them.

When children come to the family table, they will perhaps just eat two or three food items from a whole meal that was planned. Satter says this is normal eating.

When they are young, it takes them a long time to learn to eat new food. At first, they may just look at it and not even taste it. Then, they may taste it but not swallow it or they may swallow it but they don’t want anymore. Research tells us that a child may need to be exposed to a new food between 10 and 20 times before they decide that they like it.

We need to continually remember that feeding children demands a division of responsibility. The parent is responsible for what food is going to be prepared and served, when it’s going to be served, and where it’s going to be eaten. The child is responsible for how much he is going to eat and whether or not he/she is going to eat.

As Satter states, “The parent chooses the family food, maintains the structure of meals and snacks, and makes mealtime pleasant by being there and by not hounding the child about eating. After that, it’s up to the child to pick and choose from what the parent has made available and eat as much or as little as they are hungry at any given time.”

“Choosy” eating is a child-size step toward growing up and showing independence. In fact, what seems like a challenge to you may be an early step toward making food choices. A child’s “no” may not always mean no. What seems “choosy” may just be your child’s awkward first steps in learning to make decisions.

The best advice is to relax and be patient. Learn how to handle eating challenges and how to avoid conflict.

Here are some ideas on handling a “choosy” eater:

¢ Treat food jags casually since food jags don’t last long anyway.

¢ Consider what your child eats over several days, not just at each meal. Most kids eat more food variety than a parent thinks.

¢ Trust your child’s appetite rather than force a child to eat everything on the plate. Respect your child’s ability to determine when he’s had enough to eat. Forcing a child to eat more encourages overeating.

¢ Set reasonable time limits for eating the meal then remove the plate quietly. (What’s reasonable depends on each child.)

¢ Stay positive and avoid criticizing or calling any child a “picky eater.” Children believe what you say.

¢ Serve food plain and respect the “no foods touching” rule if that’s important to your child.

¢ Avoid being a short-order cook by offering the same food for the whole family.

¢ Provide just two or three varied and well-balanced choices – not a huge array of food. Then let the child decide.

¢ Focus on your child’s positive eating behavior not on the food.

¢ Recognize the importance of family meals. Eating together on a routine basis contributes to good nutrition, improved communication and stronger family bonds.

¢ Be a positive model for healthy eating and physical activity. Children learn more by watching what we do rather than what we say!

¢ Involve kids in food-related activities such as shopping and cooking. Kids are more likely to eat something that they had a hand in selecting and creating.

¢ Encourage your child to drink water when thirsty. When kids fill up on other beverages between meals and snacks, they can lose their appetite at the table.

¢ Make sure your child gets regular growth checkups at the doctor or pediatrician. During the checkup, ask the doctor if a multivitamin/mineral supplement is recommended. Supplements are especially appropriate for children who refuse to eat entire categories of foods such as vegetables or dairy products.

– Susan Krumm is an Extension agent in family and consumer sciences with K-State Research and Extension-Douglas County, 2110 Harper St. She can be reached at 843-7058.