Kream Keegan: KU wins, no tissue required

Surely, you’ve heard about the hopeless gambler on the wrong side of 10 consecutive football bets. He switched to wagering on basketball. Again, he lost 10 in a row. His luck got no better on baseball and he went 0 for 10.

His friend tried to help him out of his losing streak.

“Have you thought about betting on hockey instead?” the friend suggested.

“Hockey?” the born loser hollered in disgust. “Are you nuts? I don’t know anything about hockey.”

The moral of the story: Even if you think you know your stuff, you don’t know nearly as much as the bookies, so keep your money in your pocket and enjoy the games.

Finally, spring practices are history, and two-a-days are an unpleasant memory for the participants.

“The players are tired of knocking the snot out of each other on the practice field,” Kansas University coach Mark Mangino said.

It’s good to know the athletes will be breathing well, unimpeded by clogged nostrils.

This week’s picks:

Kansas 28, Florida Atlantic 3: Last year would have been a better season to break into Division I-A for the Owls, who aren’t nearly as experienced this season.

Baylor 27, SMU 10: Criminal mastermind Carlton Dotson, the former Baylor basketball player who put bullets in the back of the head and above the ear of former teammate Patrick Dennehy and left him to die in the field where they had gone to shoot targets, should have plenty to cheer about from his jail cell. This assumes Dotson, serving 35 years for killing his “best friend,” knows that Baylor has a football team.

Colorado 30, Colorado State 10: No truth to the rumor Larry Eustachy heard such great things about wild weekends for Gary Barnett’s recruits he pondered posing as a high school offensive lineman and taking an official visit. It’s not nice to joke about that, so henceforth let’s put a moratorium on that false, nasty rumor. His strange days, nights, and maybe even mornings at Iowa State behind him, Eustachy is getting a fresh start at Southern Miss. Can we all just wish him well and move on, please? Is that too much to ask? Now if you want a juicy fact having a tie to this game, we can help. I once saw Barnett’s name listed among those delinquent on their dues on the wall of a suburban Chicago country club. Let’s just keep that between us, though.

Oklahoma 55, TCU 19: The Sooners will look to bury an opponent to begin to put last season’s USC disaster behind them. Book Heisman Trophy runner-up Adrian Peterson for 225 yards rushing and a few touchdowns.

Missouri 30, Arkansas State 13: The Tigers open the season at Arrowhead Stadium. Wonder how the hotel owners of Columbia feel about that.

Texas A&M 24, Clemson 20: Dual threat QB Reggie McNeal makes the Aggies a tough out for anybody. Mix in Courtney Lewis at tailback, the players’ increased comfort in the third year under coach Dennis Franchione, and look out.

Texas 48, Louisiana-Lafayette 10: More than 20 of the Ragin’ Cajuns are from the New Orleans area and it can’t be easy for them to concentrate on football given the ever-evolving damage of Hurricane Katrina.