Are adopted children more likely to be rebellious than children born to biological parents? If so, are there any steps I can take to prevent or ease the conflict? My husband and I are thinking about adopting a toddler and the question has me worried.

Every child is different and adopted kids are no exception. They come in all sorts of packages. Some boys and girls who were abused or unloved prior to the adoption will react to those painful experiences in some way … usually negatively. Others, even those who were not mistreated, will struggle with identity problems and wonder why their “real” mothers and fathers didn’t want them. They may be driven to find their biological parents (during or after adolescence) to learn more about their heritage and families of origin.

I must emphasize, however, that many adopted kids do not go through any of these personal crises. They take root where they are replanted and never give a thought to the questions that trouble some of their peers. As with so many other behavioral issues, the critical factors are the particular temperament of the child and how he or she is handled by the parents.

I hope you won’t be reluctant to adopt that child because some special problems might — but probably won’t — develop. Every child has his or her own particular challenges. Every child can be difficult to raise. Every child requires all the creative energy and talent a parent can muster. But every child is also worth the effort, and there is no higher calling than to do that job excellently.

Let me add one more thought. I knew a man and woman who had waited for years to adopt a baby. When a female infant was finally made available to them, they were anxious to know if she was healthy and of good heritage. They asked if her biological parents had used drugs, how tall they were, whether or not they had attended college, etc. Then, the father told me later, he realized what he and his wife were doing. They were approaching the adoption of this baby much like they would have bought a used car.

They were “kicking tires” and testing the engine. But then they thought, “What in the world are we doing? That little girl is a human being with an eternal soul. We have been given the opportunity to mold and shape her as a child of God, and here we are demanding that she be a high quality product.” They repented of their inappropriate attitudes and embraced that child in love.

Adopted children, like all children, are a blessing from God and we are privileged indeed, to be granted the honor of raising one of His precious kids.

Since you disapprove of public school sex-education programs as currently designed, who do you think should tell children the facts of life and when should that instruction begin?

For those parents who are able to handle the instructional process correctly, the responsibility for sex education should be retained in the home. There is a growing trend for all aspects of education to be taken from their hands (or the role is deliberately forfeited by them). This is unwise. Particularly in the matter of sex education, the best approach is one that begins casually and naturally in early childhood and extends through the years, according to a policy of openness, frankness and honesty. Only parents can provide this lifetime training — being there when the questions arise and the desire for information is evidenced.

Unfortunately, mothers and fathers often fail to do the job. Some are too sexually inhibited to present the subject with poise, or they may lack the necessary technical knowledge of the human body. Another common mistake is to wait until puberty is knocking at the door and then try to initiate a desperate, tension-filled conversation that embarrasses the kid and exhausts the parent. If this is the way sex education is going to be handled, there has to be another alternative to consider.