I didn’t used to like sweets. Fortunately, I have recovered from that disease.

Frankly, there are few things, food-wise, that I don’t like. Unfortunately, among the things that I am not overly fond of is turkey. The grand bird. Sorry Mr. Gobbler — I’m just not that into you.

This always has made Thanksgiving a little bittersweet. Especially because also among the things on my “Meh” food list is pumpkin pie. I know, I know. No turkey? NO PUMPKIN PIE??? Let the stoning begin. In fact, you might start hurling something a little more spiney in my direction to finish me off, because ALSO ON THAT LIST? Pecan pie. And most variations of sweet potatoes.

So, it’s Thanksgiving. WHAT’S A GIRL TO EAT?

Well, she eats a little turkey — dark meat only. She eats her weight in mashed potatoes and gravy. She eats a little dressing, if it’s good. She’ll pretty much go for any veggie, and she eats dessert, presuming someone makes something other than a cloyingly sweet pecan pie or the ho-hum, baby food-like pumpkin standard.

So people, I am here today to stand up for all of us who have gone, year after year, literally ad nauseam, with the same old holiday dessert fare, until we could choke on a candied pecan. I am here to offer you alternatives. Break free from your Thanksgiving shackles! Where is it written, “Thou shalt have pumpkin pie! Thou must not have any pies above pecan?”

Here’s another one of my dirty little secrets — they might take away my woman card for admitting this out loud — if I had to choose, I would readily select caramel over chocolate. Unless I have a glass of red wine or a great cup of coffee in hand, I can usually pass up chocolate, but a caramel-y, gooey dream of a dessert? Impossible. I’m lost, it consumes me, it’s like a bad boyfriend you know you need to dump but you just can’t quite make yourself ignore his calls.

And in that light, I offer you my sister’s Pecan Praline Cheesecake, which she makes without the pecans, and frankly, I agree.

My Sister’s Pecan Praline Cheesecake

Crust:
1 C. vanilla wafer crumbs (gingersnaps might be good, too)
2 T sugar
4 T butter, melted
Combine well and press into bottom of a 9″ springform pan. Chill. (You, too.)

Filling:
1 1/2 c. chopped pecans
3 T butter, melted
24 ounces cream cheese, softened
1 c. brown sugar
2 T flour
3 XL eggs (btw, why would you ever buy anything but a jumbo egg?)
2 t. vanilla

Combine pecans and butter; spread evenly on baking sheet and toast at 350 until golden brown. Cool. Combine cream cheese, brown sugar, and flour. Beat until light. Add eggs, one at a time, blending well after each. Add vanilla. Reserving 1/4 c. pecans, add rest to filling. Pour over crust and bake at 325 for 60 min. Turn oven off and let cool in oven 30 min. Loosen cake from rim and remove when cake is cool.

Praline topping:
1 1/2 t. sugar
1/4 c. dark brown sugar
2 T heavy cream
1 T butter
1 t. vanilla

Combine all ingredients except vanilla in a small saucepan. Heat to boiling, stirring until sugars dissolve. Cook to 225 degrees on candy thermometer. Remove from heat and cool slightly. Add vanilla. Sprinkle pecans over cake and drizzle praline mixture over. Refrigerate 8 hours before serving.

My friend Andy is married to the kind of woman who grows her own fruits and veggies, and “puts them up” for the winter, and she is a much better woman than I.

Mary Lee suggests that we not neglect our summerier friends, and do a renegade pie of strawberries, rhubarb and — as a nod to our Thanksgiving traditions — fresh cranberry. She says to just use your favorite crust recipe, and your favorite strawberry-rhubarb pie recipe, and adjust the sugar to your taste to accommodate the tartness of the cranberries. Of course, most of us don’t have strawberries and rhubarb from our own gardens to turn to at this point, so Mary Lee throws us a bone and says the frozen stuff at the store will do fine.

My favorite strawberry pie recipe, then, adapted to meet our more Thanksgiving-y requirements:

My Favorite Strawberry Pie

2 pie crusts
2/3 C white sugar
2/3 C brown sugar
2/3 C all-purpose flour
2 T cornstarch
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
2 C frozen strawberries
1 C fresh cranberries (I suggest you give them a quick toss in the food processor. Whole cranberries pack a punch.)
1 C frozen rhubarb
2 tablespoons butter

Step 1) Preheat your oven to 425. Lay one crust into a 9 inch pie pan, and try to let the edges flop over just a little. Pinch around the crust to make a ruffled edge. I must admit, mine never comes out so great.

Step 2) Defrost the fruit. (I just use the microwave for about 30 seconds.) Frozen fruit, when thawed, makes a lot of juice. You want to thaw it first so you can drain off some of that excess juice or you’ll have soup instead of pie.

Step 3) In a large bowl, mix together both sugars, flour, cornstarch, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla and almond extract. Add in the drained strawberries and rhubarb and roughly chopped cranberries.

Step 4) Apply your lattice top. There’s a good tutorial here, if you’ve never done it before. Cut the butter into pats and place it randomly in the holes of the lattice. Wash the exposed crust with an egg wash and sprinkle with sugar for a beautifully golden, sparkly finish.

Step 5) Bake in the preheated oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until golden brown.

Hint: If you don’t have any of those rings that protect your pie crust edges, get some. In the meantime, put a little bit of tin foil around the edges of your crust because those thin parts tend to burn while the rest of your pie cooks.

I love the idea of this recipe, and the way it offers us something sort of refreshing amongst the heavy, creamy, savory flavors of Thanksgiving. But what I love EVEN MORE is my friend Kalli’s recipe for the perfect Thanksgiving dessert:

Ingredients:
1 Xanax
1 spoonful Cool Whip

Directions:
Wash down the Xanax with the whip.

Happy Thanksgiving!