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The Subversive Cultivator and his bride, the lovely Lulu, were kind enough, almost a year ago, to let Mr. Meat and Potatoes and myself hold our reception

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at their home, after we eloped in Puerta Vallarta. I was sure I could never repay them. Short of handing over our first born son in September (to which I’m sure they’d say, “Uh, thanks, but no thanks”), I wasn’t sure how to express my gratitude.

About that same time, The SC and Lulu surprised us all by eloping at their local biker bar, and will be having an official hitchin’ party in order to imbibe with friends and family this Memorial Day weekend, complete with Red Lefty, picnic fare, and the Elvis tree sculpture presiding.

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In an effort to show my love and gratitude for Tonganoxie’s hottest couple, and begin to dig myself out of the mountain of my debt to them, I volunteered some food items. The couple has decided to have pie instead of wedding cake. Because they’re rebels. So, I recruited the help of some goddess-y girlfriends and committed to making a gargantuan mess of pies, among other, less exciting edibles that we can talk about later.

Yesterday, I made 10 pie crusts, and I hope to make 15 or 20 more this week. Turns out, pie crust is easy-peasy once you get the basic system down. I am officially turning in my “pie crust haters fan club” card and resigning my membership.

Perfect Pie Crust – adapted from Ina Garten

3 C flour

1 1/2 sticks very cold unsalted butter

1/2 C frozen shortening

1 T sugar

1 tsp kosher salt

6 to 8 T ice cold water (about half a cup)

(makes 2 crusts)

Step 1:

Dice up your 1 and a half sticks of VERY COLD butter and your frozen Crisco. Put it right back in the fridge. I cannot express to you how important it is that these be as cold as they can.

Step 2:

Dump your dry goods into your food processor. Even if it’s held together with duct tape, it will be handy in this process. Give it a few pulses to mix em up.

Step 3:

Run to the fridge and get out your butter/shortening. Poke it all into your food processor and pulse until the fats get sort of pea sized. Don’t over blend.

Step 4:

Dump the contents of the food processor into a large mixing bowl, and add in your ICE COLD water. I found that if I did a whole half cup it was a little too much, but that’s okay, because you can just toss in a little more flour if you need to. Or, do less water. Whatever beats your eggs.

Step 5:

Use two forks to work the water into the butter/flour mixture until everything starts looking good and clingy. This is where I give up the ghost and put my hands in and start mixing. It’s just easier, and I’m all about tactile experiences. Work with it carefully until it forms a ball.

Step 6:

Plop the ball on a flour-dusted surface and give it a good roll, then wrap it in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge FOR HALF AN HOUR. You will be tempted to skip this step, and I know you will the first time, and then you never will again. The half hour in the fridge is an important rule, like the “DON’T CALL ME DURING LOST” rule. That important.

Step 7:

Flour your surface liberally and get out your rolling pin. Roll out your dough just as THIN as you can stand to get it. The thinner the better. I always take a knife at the end and cut the edges off, because mine never comes out pretty and round, but instead it’s all jagged and course around the perifery, kinda like me. (Well, I’m round, but I’m rough, too.)

Step 8:

At this point you can plop it in your pie pan and go to town, or you can freeze them. If you want to freeze em, just tear a piece of parchment the same size as the crust and lay it on top of the crust, and then fold it in half. (So it doesn’t stick to itself.) Then cut another, smaller, piece of parchment, and fold in half again. Put it in a freezer bag and it should keep like a champ for months.

The big question, now, is what I’ll put in all these crusts.

One Goddess Girlfriend has claimed sweet potato and key lime. Another is talking about rhubarb as if rhubarb came in the shape and size of Hugh Jackman.

I think I’ll try this “upgraded” strawberry pie, among other tried and true favorites like Dutch Apple (I prefer pies without lids) and maybe this raspberry topped lemon chess pie<, just for kicks.

Really, nothing says “Mike and Lulu” like a flakey crust and fruity center.

Happy Hitchin’, kids!!