My sister’s step-mother-in-law’s father (did you get that?) was an old Texas Character who lived on a compound and had a mail-order bride. Among his many cherished affectations was his penchant for talking about having “the d’betes.”

So, it turns out, despite all my best efforts to remain the picture of pregnant health (read: eating cake every afternoon at 2:30, having root beer floats for dinner on occasion, having a chocolate donut as a side dish to my eggs and hash browns for breakfast), I, too, have The D’betes. The gestational, pregnancy kind. I’m so excited to talk about it at every available opportunity.

This is, of course, going to mean major changes in my diet – further changes, that is, from my already limited list of available foods. It used to be that my major food groups were potatoes, pork, beef, and Jack Daniels. I already cut one food group out, but I added in the sugar group, and felt that it balanced things out nicely.

Now, the sugar group, and the potatoes group have to go the way of the Jack Daniels group. That means I’ll endure the long, hot, pregnant summer without the assistance of popsicles and ice cream. How bad do you feel for me now?

So, gentle readers, I come to you for assistance – for a miracle, really.

I need ideas. I need to know how you, if you have The D’betes, either gestational or otherwise, cope. What do you eat? What are your favorite treats? I don’t want to overload my baby with artificial sweeteners. I could, however, forgo my occasional sin (caffeine free diet Coke) in leiu of an artificially sweetened piece of pie or cake. Other than that, I’m just not sure where to turn.

Help me. I don’t think I’ll make it through the next ten weeks without some sweet relief.