For awhile I tried to be a stylish cook. I wanted to make things that required mad kitchen skillz, things that would make Julia Child and Tom Collichio proud. I wanted to have little potato sculptures rising from a seared scallop delicately hovering in an artfully plated buerre blanc or demi glace.

I was too proud to open a can of corn. If I couldn’t make something “restaurant worthy” I wouldn’t make anything at all.

Then I married Mr. Meat and Potatoes, and that all went the way of Tickle Deodorant and high top Reeboks. That is to say, it became a distant and faintly embarrassing memory.

Now, A) I am too cheap to cook like that, and B) my husband wouldn’t eat it anyway, and C) I can admit I never really enjoyed that food either, to be honest. I also realized that while I could make a white wine reduction, I could not cut up a chicken. I had skipped cooking 101 and gone right to cooking grad school.

So I started over. I called my mom and asked her how to make chicken and noodles. This surprisingly easy dish has made it into the rotation as one of our favorite weeknight dishes, and it makes a lot so you have great leftover capability. Also, it will make your friends happy as it will remind them of their mothers, too. Especially if they are from Kansas.

If you are from Kansas, you have probably been to a county fair or two. I recommend the Sedgwick County fair, which is held in Cheney, Kansas, where my mother grew up, and I spent my summers with Gramma. At the “Cheney Fair”, as we called it, the Methodist church ladies have a vending tent wherein they sell chicken and noodles, and it is always served over mashed potatoes, and there is always a slice of white bread on the side. And that is how we do chicken and noodles at my house. Starch, on starch, with a side of starch. That’s how we roll.

Again, I don’t really have a recipe, so you’ll have to bear with my vague measurements, but I can walk you through the process.

Start with a whole chicken. Get the biggest one you can find – usually they’re pretty small. I really like those Smart Chickens you can buy at Dillon’s,

http://worldonline.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com/img/blogs/entry_img/2009/Feb/24/smart_chicken.jpg!

but the whole frozen chickens at Checkers are cheaper. Smart Chickens are supposedly hormone-free and free range. And that’s great and all, but they also are already cleaned and there’s no neck or gizzards to remove. I am all about that.

Liberally salt (I prefer kosher salt for most applications) and pepper your chicken, plop it in the crockpot, and pour in about a cup of water around it. Cook it either on low for 7 or 8 hours, or on high for four or so. Basically, you want it completely done and falling off the bone. It’s pretty hard to overcook it, so don’t worry. Crock pot chicken is awesome when it’s just finished cooking and it’s still super juicy and warm. I recommend picking at it and eating your favorite parts right away.

While your chicken is cooling, put a pot of peeled and diced potatoes on to boil. The smaller the pieces, the more quickly and evenly they will cook.

Let it cool a little, and then pull the meat off of it. This is really an art. I can clean a chicken of every last scrap of viable meat. My husband wastes half of it. You need someone with a great love of chicken and a lot of patience to really do it justice. Now, if you are really an earth-mother, you’ll save that chicken carcass and make stock, but that’s another blog altogether.

Once you have your chicken picked over and the meat is divided into bite sized portions (I do this all with my bare hands; the carnality of it really does something for me), you are ready to put it all in the pot. Start by pouring all the juices from your cooked chicken through a strainer and into a stockpot, because there will be chicken bone parts and other whatnot in there. You’ll probably have to add quite a bit more liquid. I start with the chicken juices, and go from there. If your chicken “stock” is quite salty, you might just want to use water. I usually use some water and some chicken stock from a box (recommended: Kitchen Basics – best product for the money). This is a matter of taste. I like my chicken n noodles quite salty. Especially because we’re putting it on top of mashed potatoes.

Warm that liquid over medium heat until it’s hot but not quite boiling, and then add a large bag of Reames Egg Noodles – the kind from the freezer section.

http://worldonline.media.clients.ellingtoncms.com/img/blogs/entry_img/2009/Feb/24/reames_noodles_.jpg

No need to thaw them first. I have purist friends who make their own noodles or dumplings, and that is totally their prerogative, but I can’t usually tell that much difference. I am all for the Reames product. Be careful, though, because most places toss in the kind with “no yolks” with the regular ones, and it’s easy to buy the wrong thing. I mean, I want my yolks in my noodles, thank you.

At this point you can go ahead and toss in your chicken as well, and pepper the heck out of it. Usually I am a pepper snob and I like to crack my black pepper into my dishes, but in this one I like quite a lot of black pepper, so I don’t want to bother myself with all that cranking, so I just give the Costco stuff a few liberal shakes right into the pot. Again, do this to your own personal taste. Start small, and go from there. Also, make sure the salt factor is okay with you. You can always add more. This “soup” will thicken on its own, thanks to the starch in the noodles. Just let it simmer on the stovetop until you’ve got the right consistency.

I also do the mashed potatoes how mama did ’em, for this dish. No fancy garlic and rosemary hand-mashed potatoes for this one. We like em buttery and whipped.

So, to get the desired effect, let them cool partway. This avoids gumminess when you beat them. I microwave a cup of milk and half a stick of butter together, and use that to add in while I beat (with my hand mixer) the potatoes. Too much liquid or too much beating will result in a glue-like consistency and no one wants that. You want light, fluffy peaks, no lumps. This means you need to gradually add the milk. It really only takes a few tablespoons of liquid to every pound of potatoes. Also, Yukon Golds seem to work best. You can salt and add more butter to your taters, but remember that your chicken and noodles is probably pretty salty already.

Serve the potatoes under a mass of chicken n noodles, with a side of early baby peas and a piece of white bread. (I kicked my white bread habit years ago, but I still gotta have it for this.) If you make this for a love interest, this will get you married, pregnant, or at least a second date.

For those who must have an ingredient list, here’s my best guess:

1 whole chicken

2 lbs potatoes, preferably yukon gold

1 cup of milk

1 stick of butter

1 box of chicken stock (you might not need the whole thing)

1 bag of frozen Reames Egg Noodles – yolks included

salt and pepper

white bread