I really thought I'd get more submissions than I did for bad poetry. Thought the commenters would be all over this one.
Hands down, this was my favorite of the entries I got. If you're a regular on the comment boards, the author will look familiar.
"I wake up all too often
and have to leave the bed.
I'd much prefer to lie there
and rest my weary head.
I come to this recliner
not wanting to partake
of any more bombardments
the Internet can make.
Bad feet will not consider
a trip to the TV,
to change another movie
and I really need to pee.
So once again you'll find me
sitting where you read me last,
at least I have not sat so long
my skin is sticking fast.
That WOULD be just the ending,
for you to read about my fate,
“What happened to Old Multi…
haven't heard from her of late?”
They found her where she always was,
her mouse in hand, eyes crusted.
The URL read by the cop
“One millionth comment posted”
- Multidisciplinary, Aug 18th 2009"
Oh, man. Good stuff.
I also really like this one:
"Sarah Palin Sarah Palin
Oh and Michael Vick
Michael Jackson dies
Bob Novak gets the stick
Wild dogs in Georgia
Pregnant moms and SUVs
Al Gore's carbon footprint
Don't cut down the trees
Anger over taxes
Anger over wealth
Anger over anything
That has to do with health
Another day on ljworld
Fishing for debris
Can't get this kind of comedy
Anywhere on TV
Feel free to add more bad poetry below. Get creative!
I want your worst poetry. You can email me or just post your worst in the comments. I promise to read them all and post some of my favorite examples of the worst poems you can conjure up. Make your high school poetry teacher cringe.
Here's mine (brace yourself):
Oh, Darnell Jackson
How I love your action
Running up and down the court
You're such a good sport
You started at KU
Oh, the things you would do
Like becoming a national champ
And heading off to the Cavalier's camp
Not only can you ball
Your heart is as big as Fraser Hall
Supporting the Boys and Girls Club
You're never one to snub
So my bad poem is for you
My favorite number, 32
Forever you'll be my favorite big man
To Darnell Jackson, Love your number one fan.
Wow, I even amazed myself on that one. Show me your stuff! Go, bad poetry, go!
I happen to have a television right above my desk and I try to keep it on some sort of cable news network. I glanced up during a lull in my day and saw the anchor talking about I Used To Believe, a Web site dedicated to adults sharing their most ridiculous childhood beliefs. It's pretty quality.
Here are some of my favorites: "I used to think the local newscasters could see me, so my mom would put on the news when she had to do house work because I behaved myself, in fear the newspeople would tell on me." (By the way, that is TOTALLY true. I will tell on you. Granted, I anchor at 10 p.m. on Sundays, so I'm guessing there aren't many badly behaved kids still up to tattle on.)
"I found my mother's 'Alien' card when I was 5 years old. I actually believed my mom was an alien, until I finally asked her and she explained that she was an immigrant."
Then there's a list of some common ones:
• If you swallow a seed, a plant will grow in your stomach.
• Chocolate milk comes from brown cows.
• Thunder is God bowling (totally guilty of believing that one).
One big belief I had when I was little was that everyone bought their children when they were babies and picked them up in a special store. My younger brother and I were adopted. I was 5 when we went and got him, and I asked if we had a receipt and could return him. Turns out it doesn't work like that.
What are some of your childhood beliefs? Anything you tell your children to believe that isn't exactly true?
There's quite a few events going on in the next few weeks in Lawrence public schools, so I thought I'd put a bug in your ear about some of them.
Tonight at 7 p.m. the Lawrence Boys and Girls Club is hosting a fundraiser/student film premiere of their original work titled "Welcome to L.A." It's $5 per person and will be shown at Liberty Hall.
Today is also National Nurses Day. I know I tried to avoid the nurse's office as much as possible as a kid, but these men and women work hard and try not to let your children get away with faking it. Say thanks.
This Saturday, the Free State High Greenhouse Science Class will be selling the plants and flowers they've been growing in the greenhouse on the school's campus. The sale goes from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and will be in the greenhouse, which is on the southwest corner of the campus. It's the second annual plant sale for Free State.
There have been quite a few administrative and school retirements, so the district will be honoring both with retirement receptions. The first is on May 13 from 4 to 6 p.m. for retiring superintendent Randy Weseman, deputy superintendent Bruce Passman and COO Mary Rodriguez. The public is welcome and refreshments will be served. It will be at district headquarters, 110 McDonald Drive.
The recognition reception for 30 retiring teachers and staff will be on May 20 starting at 4 p.m. It will also be at district headquarters.
And, finally, if you've made it this far, the district has prepared a list of potential cuts that could be made if the Kansas state legislature decides to cut the base state aid per pupil again. The public is being asked for their input on what they would cut or would save. Email suggestions to email@example.com.
Whew. Now I just have to prepare myself for the next few weeks of complete business -- high school graduation is upon us!
How much do you know about the environment? Check out this Connections Academy Quizbowl Challenge, which will put you to the test. Really, it's geared toward kids, so maybe see if your kids know more than you. Even I've seen a big difference between the curriculum of my day (which wasn't that long ago) and what the kiddies are learning in Lawrence public schools.
Take a peek back at the first ever Earth Day with pictures done by National Geographic called The First Earth Day: Bell-Bottoms and Gas Masks.
Here's a cute (and super kid friendly) video about the history of Earth Day.
What are you doing to celebrate Earth Day?
Are you a teacher? Have an awesome idea for your kids but don't have the extra money to do it? U.S. Cellular is here to help.
It launched its "Calling All Teachers" campaign, which will funnel $1 million (how very Dr. Evil of them) to teachers across the country for classroom materials and educational experiences for their students.
Between now and Teacher Appreciation Week, which is May 4-8, the wireless company wants teachers to post requests on Donorschoose.org. The Web site helps public school teachers find money for class projects that go over their limited budgets.
Past winners in Kansas include a microscope and science supplies for $436, athletic equipment for a Special Olympics program costing $411, and a $141 mastering math games library.
The program is open to all public school teachers in the markets where U.S. Cellular does business, which, of course, includes Lawrence.
Donorschoose.org has gotten more than $30 million in funding for teachers during its nine years in existence.
So, get your project funded today! And if any Lawrence teachers cash in on this offer, you must let me know so we can do a story on the amazing things going on in our local schools.
I know I've raved about Lawrence High's college prep engineering class before and how they win everything and could design their way out of a cardboard box, but to show off all their skills, they need to make it to the Global Construction Challenge in Knoxville, Tenn. They swept up at KC regionals after a lot of practice.
They're having a fundraiser. They're selling themselves. No, not like that. They're selling their manual labor skills in an auction at 7 p.m. March 9 in the LHS cafeteria. If you purchase a student, you can get up to six hours of work of out them!
Here are just a few of the kids you can select from (I'm picking guys I've interviewed and that I know are awesome):
- Tyler Click, a senior, likes cars, engines, sports, music and food. He wants to study mechanical engineering in college.
- Tyler Bailey, a senior, likes baseball, football, bowling and music. He wants to go to KU to study aerospace engineering. (And is a really good sport when you ask him to call you stupid on TV. Just a side note.)
- Dylan Shmalberg, a senior, likes cycling, sports, cars, food and traveling. He'll study mechanical engineering at KU.
I mean, if I didn't live in a teeny tiny apartment and actually needed things to be fixed, these would be the kids to do it. Plus, they're raising money to get down to Knoxville to show off their skills at a national level.
If you can't be at the auction but want to help build the dreams of engineering kids (get it? Build their dreams?), you can donate to LHS Engineering, c/o Charlie Lauts, Lawrence High School, 1901 La., Lawrence, KS 66046.
So, if I would have included everything in my article about the school board forum Monday night, it would have been unbearably long. Here's a quick rundown of the questions asked and where each candidate stood on the issue. (I listed the candidates alphabetically to keep it fair.)The Candidiates:Mark Bradford: Lawrence Douglas County Fire Medical chiefBob Byers: social worker and chair of the district's Equity CouncilTom Hartley: pharmaceutical rep and former chair for the Douglas County DemocratsThom Hepford: accountantMichael Pomes: KDHE geologistMichael Riley: Salvation Army's children's ministry directorVanessa Sanburn: KU grad student in social workTopic: The BudgetBradford: He wants to use analysis and data to make sure budget reductions are reliable.Byers: Education is for kids and he'd rather focus on cutting things like infrastructure, buildings and staff to a degree.Hartley: He noted the first place to cut is the place where the district spends the most — people. He recommends not filling vacancies.Hepford: He had a list of three things to focus on for cuts — administration, capital expenditures and non-academic items. Pomes: He doesn't want to take away from education or teachers.Riley: He says the cuts need to begin with administration. Sanburn: She's hoping the federal stimulus package will help the burden.Topic: Mill levy — would you support raising it?Byers, Hartley, Hepford and Pomes all said no. Riley noted the district will have to decrease spending or increase income, but he'd rather take a pulse of the community to see how they'd feel about a raise in taxes for the mill levy.Sanburn said she's hopeful there are other solutions, but an increase in the levy isn't necessarily off the table.Bradford said he believes Lawrence would support a raise in the levy to keep the education programs as they are now.Topic: Charter schools — would you support one opening now in Lawrence?Bradford, Pomes, and Hepford say no, mostly because of budget constraints and diversion of resources.Hartley thinks they provide good education, but has questions about accountability, administration and funding.Sanburn said she'd be interesting in looking into it because it can provide different types of education.Byers said he didn't know enough, but would want to take a step back a look to see if it would be possible.Topic: Teacher incentives, and basing them on student achievementAll candidates with the exception of Riley support rewarding teachers, but they did not want to base those rewards on student test performance.Riley said the rewards in teaching aren't tangible.Topic: Sports funding — cut 'em or keep 'em?All candidates agree that sports are important in educating the whole child, but had different ideas on how to potentially save money during tight times.Pomes said that maybe raising student fees (and offering scholarships for those who couldn't pay) is a way to do it.Riley and Byers want to make sure every student has the chance to participate.Hartley said maybe shortening the distance for away games could keep costs down.Topic: WRAP program — continue funding?Sanburn, Bradford, Byers and Pomes all support funding for the WRAP program.Byers also mentioned that he'd like to get other agencies involved in funding.Hartley said while it's easy to say yes to a program like WRAP and in theory he wants to support it 100 percent, the smaller budget means some things are going to have to be cut. Hepford said WRAP would probably be on his list of things not to make it past budget cuts.Riley didn't comment because he said he wasn't familiar with it.Topic: Fine arts — if they were cut, what would you do to fill the void?All candidates find the arts to be a cornerstone in education.Bradford, Sanburn, Byers and Pomes all mentioned getting outside help from other agencies like KU, Haskell or the Lawrence Arts Center to potentially help students get their dose of arts. Riley noted if cuts have to be made, they need to be made equally between athletics, arts and education.Whew.They got through a lot of stuff in an hour! The next forum is March 18. The school board kicks off this one at 6:30 p.m.I'm currently working on profiling each of them for our Election Special that will run on 6News and in the LJWorld in March. Keep a look out!
But, the money won't just rain down from above — it's targeted to specific areas. Here's the breakdown:
- $10 billion for Title I
- $12.2 billion for IDEA, the Individuals with Disabilities Act
- $250 million for the state longitudinal data systems program, which collects data to improve student learning
- $3 billion for school improvement programs
- $53.6 billion for state fiscal stabilization, which includes $5 billion for state innovation and incentive grants
Oh, how I love school board meetings. Going to them, sitting through them, thinking about them ... the list goes on. I usually know what's going to happen during them because the agenda is out before hand and I'm always in the know. (Hello, it's my job.)But last night, the board and superintendent Randy Weseman threw me for a bit of a loop.Chuck Law, this year's Master Teacher was surprised with a check for $2,500 to go along with his new title. Not only was he surprised with the award in November, Randy got him again with the big bucks.The check is just one of many provided by the KU Credit Union. They are expanding their partnership with Lawrence Education Achievement Partners to give monetary awards to outstanding teachers, specifically those who win awards from the district administration.The Lawrence Elementary and Secondary Teachers of the Year will each receive $1,000 when they are announced later this month. Next fall, the Lawrence Elementary and Secondary Horizon Award winners will each get $250. The Class Act award and a $50 prize will be given monthly to a classified staff member. There is also recognition for deserving substitute teachers.It's always nice to recognize teachers, especially with a little dough. Law said last night he's taking some fellow Free State staffers and their principal, Ed West, out to celebrate. Pretty sweet deal.