Generally, I’m not big on bike bling.

It’s not that I’m averse to alliteration.

And I’m not opposed to pretty. Just take one glance at my gorgeous wife (and, honey, Merry Christmas! I’ve procrastinated enough that might be the only present I get you. But, remember, it’s the thought that counts).

Anyway, I’m not against stylin’ on the bike. It’s just that enough of my rides are in the rain or snow or, this time of year, over sandy, salty, grungy roads, any glisten quickly comes off.

Hence, my bikes are pretty ordinary-looking.

I still have two gold-plated water-bottle cages — true story — that I’ve yet to install on any of my rides. I bought them on the cheap about, oh, a decade ago, and they’d look bangin’ on my regular silver steed, but the thought of road grime turning them into tarnish has led me to keep them in the box, somewhere in the garage.

That said, this time of year I can’t help but think about sparklin’ up my sled.

I spend enough time and wattage (or is it amperage?) on the Clark Griswold-worthy holiday lights around the homestead, it only makes sense that I’d want a little holiday cheer on my bikes.

I thought about it again the other day, when in the span of just a couple of hours I saw the same white SUV with mock reindeer antlers about five times in all four corners of the city.

Paranoid Me wondered if my better half finally ponied up for the private dick to shadow me around town, but Logical Me argued no self-respecting P.I. would call attention to himself with auto antlers. Paranoid Me countered that’s what I’m supposed to think and, well, the two are still slugging it out in a battle of witlessness.

But it made Martha Stewart Me — whose four-wheeled conveyance sported a snowman’s head on the antenna, until said antenna snapped off, dooming me to a static-y radio purgatory — wonder what I could do on two wheels to spread the love.

I could attach antlers to my handlebars or, better yet, my helmet.

Or I could rig up a wreath — like I’ve seen on some vehicles’ grills — up front, though it might block my headlight.

I’ve also thought about stringing battery-powered multicolored lights along the top tube, but I’m afraid they might work loose and get tangled in the pedals.

Then it dawned on me as I geared up for a chilly ride the other night I could get in the spirit and maintain body heat at the same time. A Santa hat should fit snugly under my lid, and the white puff ball at the tip could be pulled through one of the vents.

If the sight of a cyclist pedaling through the night with a Santa hat flapping in the breeze behind him doesn’t say happy holidays, I don’t know what does.