I was riding to work the other night on a quiet, residential street close to downtown when I saw the reflective accents on a person’s shoes in the distance.

It was dark, with very little street lighting and a nearly new moon.

I closed in on the pedestrian and saw he was walking pretty much down the middle of the street.

No worries.

I slowed down, sniffled, cleared my throat (did I mention that, with the biblical levels of pollen in the air, this wasn’t much of a stretch), tapped my headlight a bit to make it jump … you know, everything I could to alert the pedestrian to my presence without making him jump out of his skin.

Didn’t work.

We converged on a curve. I was barely creeping along, but I swung to the far left side of the road to give him as wide a berth as possible and went around him.

Just as I passed, the fella bellowed, “YOU SCARED THE (FECES) OUT OF ME!” As you can guess, however, he didn’t really say “feces.”

And the way he said it didn’t suggest, “Oh, my goodness gracious, you gave me quite a fright! Oh, dearie me. Once my heart stops pounding, I’m sure I’ll have a little chuckle that I was so frightened by a guy on a bike.”

It was more like, “Come back here, (jerk), and I’ll kick the (feces) out of you.”

I didn’t turn around, but I did throw out over my shoulder, “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

And I didn’t.

It’s not the first time I accelerated a pedestrian’s digestive tract.

My bike is rather stealthy. My main commuter is a single-speed, so there are no loud gear changes to announce my presence. And I’m pretty good about keeping the chain lubed and diagnosing most squeaks and creaks.

So, especially at night, I try to walk the line between letting peds know I’m coming early enough they’re not startled, but not so early they could, say, swing a 2X4 at my head if they were so inclined.

Some cyclists champion loud handlebar-mounted bells, but I find those rather annoying. I’d hate to startle someone and make ’em want to use the clapper on me.

Truthfully, I’ve been on the laxative end, too. I’ve been startled by faster (which is to say, all other) cyclists buzzing past. Just the other night, I was pedaling home in the dark and was lost in my thoughts. A few blocks from my home, I looked to my left and was more than a little surprised to see a man walking his huge dog.

Scared the you-know-what out of me, but I didn’t all but challenge him to a fight.

To the guy walking in the road: Sorry, man. I really didn’t mean to startle you.

Next time I’ll make even more noise so you know I’m coming. Then maybe we both can keep our (feces) where it belongs.