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I see dead things

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Like most people, I have my share of fears, both rational and ir-.

Given how much time I spend in the saddle, I guess it makes sense some of those fears are bike-centric.

Curiously, though I’m cautious and certainly aware of the bad things that can happen when cars and bikes collide, my biggest, most irrational, bike fear involves … roadkill.

In my twisted, tortured little mind, one of the worst things that could happen to me on a commute would be pedal along and encounter a bloated carcass. Rabbit, opossum, squirrel … doesn’t matter. A car approaches from the rear. I instinctively get a little closer to the curb. The car moves to the left to get around, with the dead critter between us. I get to the stinking remains the same time as the vehicle. The car’s passenger-front tire hits it, um, dead-on, and the beastie’s reeking innards spew out — all over little ol’ me.

OK, it doesn’t exactly keep me up at night, but I can’t help but think about such a nightmare scenario every time I happen upon a road waffle.

And it seems lately I’ve happened upon a lot of roadkill.

Part of it’s seasonal.

Every fall, I notice there seems to be more roadkill than normal. Then it dawns on me that this is about the time the turkey vultures migrate on down to Cabo, where, as far as I know, they stick little umbrellas in their south-of-the-border carrion and bask in the winter warmth.

With those scavengers gone, the bodies up north start piling up … or, at least, seem to be more visible on the roads.

Whether the buzzards’ fault or not, just the other day I had a regular tour de mort.

As I pulled out of my driveway, I happened upon a roadkill rabbit that spilled his guts all over my residential street. On my way to my kids’ school, I saw: two more dead rabbits, a dead squirrel, a dead mouse, two dead birds and a dead something-or-other that had been reduced to little more than fur and organs, all in a trip of just over two miles.

On my commute to work, I saw two more dead bunnies, another dead squirrel, an extremely sleepy opossum and a dead snake.

That’s a lot of death, folks, and you’d better believe I gave each and every one of the rotting corpses a wide berth.

Going to work is hard enough sometimes. I don’t need the added burden of a bunny-gut necklace, too.

Comments

geekin_topekan 5 years, 2 months ago

Since their natural predators have been eliminated or scared off they thrive. Then get run over.

Bring back the mountain lions, wolves,let the coyotes roam.Instead, they are killed off because someone doesnt want their foofoo dog to become someone else's dinner.

number3of5 5 years, 2 months ago

This guy sure can find a lot of things to complain about on his commute on a bike. If he doesn't like what he finds on the way, why not change to a car, a different route, or just quit complaining. If roadkill on the roadway bothers him, carry plastic bags and a shovel and remove them from the roadway. They didn't ask people to run over them. Their spirits need closure. Help them on their way to the creator. Just quit complaining.

Ricky_Vaughn 5 years, 2 months ago

Or how about some cheese to go with that whine?

Todd Hiatt 5 years, 2 months ago

"If roadkill on the roadway bothers him, carry plastic bags and a shovel and remove them from the roadway."

And then ship the possums to Rep. Otto.

Keep up the good work, Andrew.

make_a_difference 5 years, 2 months ago

I hear commenting on observations, not whining. Where do you hear whining?

Andrew--you gave me an "Oooooooo, gross!" moment what with the spewing!

(glad to hear that someone else's mind does these kind of things to them...I'm not alone!)

BigPrune 5 years, 2 months ago

My big pet peeve is seeing bicyclists impeding car traffic by riding in the street instead of on the bike path right next to the street, like on Clinton Parkway. There should be an ordinance and bicyclists should be ticketed. No road kill on the bike paths as well.

Mel Briscoe 5 years, 2 months ago

i feel so bad for ever little animal i see squashed on streets and highways. each one a small tragedy. awful.

sundancewierdo 5 years, 2 months ago

jthiatt (Todd Hiatt) says "And then ship the possums to Rep. Otto." Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaaaa! LMFAO!!! that gets best post of the day!

H_Lecter 5 years, 2 months ago

Good thing you don't bike past my basement.

labyrinth 5 years, 2 months ago

I just passed a deceased black snake in the road. You know you're in the country when the dead tire in front of you was once able to look back at you. Sure glad Larry and Darrel and Darrel aren't in business any more. l

labyrinth 5 years, 2 months ago

beep, beep, beep. Back up. I knew I was right, checked my memory and got a quote from a roast. We all know it was Darrel, Larry and Larry. Duh. l

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