http://wellcommons.com/users/photos/2013/sep/04/260960/

When I think back to my dating days, I still remember the anxiety and how much I hated my cell phone when it didn’t ring. In fact, the whole experience was stressful. Whether it was waiting for a guy to call, me obsessing over every word we exchanged or figuring out a way to talk through a meal without slurping food all over myself, dating sucked. You know what’s worse than dating? Mommy dating. It’s way worse. You’re probably asking yourself, “Is that a thing?”

Yes. Yes, it is. And it sucks.

Mommy dating is the extremely nerve-racking experience that new moms go through to find their own network of mom friends. This is extremely necessary for some women (whose regular friends don’t have children) so they don’t lose their EVER LOVING MIND. There’s a reason “It takes a village” is a popular saying in parenting circles. The village is needed to reassure moms that mac & cheese for two meals in a row won’t kill their child, that hiding in the bathroom to eat the last brownie without sharing is something we’ve all done, and that tomorrow will probably suck a little less. Moms need mom friends.

I had my first baby in May 2011. In that time, I have thrust myself into mommy groups, play groups, mommy/baby classes, and weekly trips to the park all in the name of finding some mom friends.

You know in which activity I found them? I didn’t.

My mom friends fell into my lap at all the places I wasn’t looking. You know why? Because women are women (you know what I mean). And because finding a mom whom you like will only work if she also carries the following attributes:

– Her kid is not a jerk.
– She’s okay with you giving your baby the binkie from the floor.
– You can both laugh at the fact your kid just pooped outside with the dog.
– You share the same stance on Miley Cyrus.
– She’s procreated roughly the same number of times as you.

Okay, so obviously, this is my specific checklist, but the general rules are there. Kids, sense of humor, parenting style, and so on. It’s important to be able to check the boxes. If not, then it just becomes an awkward Mom-petition that stresses everyone out.

Finding the perfect mom friend is like finding a Starbucks drive-thru when you’re running on fumes and have two sleeping kids in the back seat. It’s rare. So if you’re still in the thick of the mommy dating scene, hang in there. You’ll find your unicorn soon.

You can always join our mom village on Facebook at Facebook.com/LarryvilleMom and on Twitter at @LarryvilleMom.