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Do you think moving in together before marriage will later prevent divorce?

Asked at Walmart, 550 Congressional Drive on March 23, 2012

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Photo of Katie Gorham

“I think it could help — you get to know your partner better. Living together or traveling, they tell you a lot.”

Photo of Dana Houk

“Yes, I think it helps.”

Photo of Judy Gaus

“It just depends on the couple.”

Photo of Teron Brown

“I don’t think it’s necessary, if you take the right steps in courting.”

Comments

Rae Hudspeth 2 years, 9 months ago

I'm with Katie, traveling together is the dealbreaker or not. Away from familiar territory, irritations, TSA.. to see how that person deals with the uncontrollable circumstances and how they treat others as a result of it will tell you a lot about their character as a whole.

parrothead8 2 years, 9 months ago

Here's a suggestion: Chill out. It's really not something worth getting all bent out of shape over. I'm sure you have many more important things to do with your time than emailing and complaining about a free newspaper. Just toss it and go on with your day.

bad_dog 2 years, 9 months ago

This appears to be a great topic for the next "Sound Off" question.

Darrell Lea 2 years, 9 months ago

"Just ask the egg-head from Cambridge, on his forth marriage"

I believe you meant "fourth."

forth / adverb (chiefly archaic) / out from a starting point and forward or into view

fourth / ordinal number / constituting number four in a sequence; 4th

Bill Lee 2 years, 9 months ago

According to statistics on the subject, it doesn't help. I've always felt it's because both parties are on their best behavior since they are wanting a commitment that they haven't gotten yet. It's only after real long-term commitments (marriage) are made that people let down their walls...if then.

If you don't believe me, ask my ex-wives.

Richard Heckler 2 years, 9 months ago

Can Sam Brownback prevent divorce?

It seems if there were any known preventions.....

Marriage obviously does not prevent divorce...... there's the answer. No marriage = no divorce

If a couple is happy being together without marriage let the get on with it

If a couple is happy with marriage let them get on with it.

Loki 2 years, 9 months ago

I wonder how many times abit_pssd has been married, if any.......

I wonder if Crave has any coupons for anger control classes/sessions......

I wonder if abit_pssd complains about this to others, if so I would sign him/her up for mass junk mail offers as a patriot wishing to help save the postal system......

I think the test to determine if two people shoul marry should be to send them Crave and see how they react and if their reactions are compatible.

:)

RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

better to be pssd_off than pssd _on my old pappy always said

Scott Morgan 2 years, 9 months ago

In my case living together was the right thing to do. Not many folks did it, many family members spoke in whispers about my bride and I. There were many in our condo complex who shunned us.

Both of us were starting careers. Both of us were known as hard to get along with. Both of us really enjoyed each other and were spending a lot of time dating. One night we both simply added up the time and money of keeping two households and did the deed.

Thinking back over 30 plus years being married, I guess the couple of years spent living in sin really bonded us. We always add two years on our anniversary years.

50YearResident 2 years, 9 months ago

Marriage? Divorce? There won't be any marriages within 20 years, it's comming to an end, so there won't be any need for a divorce either. Life styles are changing. People are changing. Everyone wants to be independent. We are reverting back to our animal instinct. "catch, do, and release"

purplesage 2 years, 9 months ago

Statistically, couples who live together and then wed have higher divorce rates than those who do not do so. Way too many slip knots being tied these days; but shacking isn't the way to prevent it.

LadyJ 2 years, 9 months ago

A little apple pie doesn't hurt either.

mom_of_three 2 years, 9 months ago

I lived with my husband before marriage; celebrating 22 years of marriage this year.

RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

The little woman says my courtin' style would get me arrested for stalkin' 40 years later. Whatever. We still like each other purdy good. Most of the time.

flux 2 years, 9 months ago

Pain killers make you think you're funny and whitty when you really are not.

RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

We've missed you fluxie! Sorry to hear your meds are causing issues. Hope you recover soon!

RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

Hey fluxie, by my count 17 of the 40 comments you've made in the last 12 months have been directed at me! I'm truly honored and you are welcome to continue but you must understand . . . I'm spoken for. Your attention is for naught, there'll be no proposal, no intimacy, not so much as a hug. Whatever your itch is, you'll have to take care of it yourself. You might see about a change in meds.

labmonkey 2 years, 9 months ago

Perhaps it is irony that flux shows his face on a comment you made about stalking.

bad_dog 2 years, 9 months ago

"Where are you morels?"

If you're searching for mushrooms, I suggest you look up Autie. I'm not sure how successful calling out for them will be; but by all means, carry on.

bevy 2 years, 9 months ago

Don't you know it is a HORRIBLE breach of mushroom etiquette to ask someone where they found their morels? My ex-husband still tries to beat me to our old huntin' grounds, every year. The jerk

ms_canada 2 years, 9 months ago

I looked at the map, no indication of morel sighting in Alberta, I wish to correct that , my back yard yields a feast every fall. Yummy morels. But the best that my yard yields are the Shaggy Manes. Those are the tall folded umbrella types that if left alone auto-digest into a puddle of black ink. but get em just emerging and they are yummy, so yummy.

ms_canada 2 years, 9 months ago

I would say it depends on how long you live together. It would have to be long enough for each party to let their hair down, open the cracks. Time to itemize all the things you felt you could never live with permanently. Oh, Oh, time to part. but that might not be easy or without rancor either. It would be sort of like a divorce, would it not. Same old. same old.

booyalab 2 years, 9 months ago

I've heard about a few studies that say it hurts. The most recent one I read about said that the divorce rate is higher specifically for couples who move in together in order to "test" the commitment. It makes sense to me that the line of thinking would not be conducive to commitment. Commitment is a personal choice, it is not something out of your control that happens to you.

deec 2 years, 9 months ago

True, but signing a legal contract does not prevent the uncommitted from straying. Adultery, abuse and money woes are huge causes for divorce. And not putting the toilet seat down.

booyalab 2 years, 9 months ago

The 'act' of signing a legal contract doesn't prevent it, but divorces are less frequent than break-ups. I think It's a difference of mindset. More people go into a marriage thinking it isn't going to end than they do going on a date. But I would bet that a lot of people do go into a marriage with a footnote (*as long as he/she doesn't cheat, hit me, leave the toilet seat up) I think the toilet seat thing is poignant, actually. People focus on themselves and their happiness within the marriage to the extent that little things that annoy them turn into horrendous tragedies.

whats_going_on 2 years, 9 months ago

In my situation, yes. If we hadn't lived together for a couple of years first, we probably would end up getting a divorce. We got our living together problems out in the open and we are better adapt to handling them.

Bob Harvey 2 years, 9 months ago

Seems somewhat ironic with all the negative comments about marriages not lasting we, at the same time, are arguing that everyone deserves the right to marry. If it doesn't work why are we trying to hard to push others into it? Suppose its because everyone has the right to screw it up right along with the rest of us.

rockchalker52 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd say it's irrelevant in most cases. What's a Crave 'zactly? I was thinkin' of throwing one at my house, but I don't know the rules.

asixbury 2 years, 9 months ago

Moving in with someone before marriage, and before becoming engaged, is definitely a good idea. You get to see your partner as they really are, not as the imagined person you've built in your mind. You will also have an adjustment period to see if you can actually put up with the person you intend on marrying. If you cannot live together peacefully before marriage, how in the world would it work after? Marriage is just a title; the wedding is for relatives. I was "married" to my husband before vows were ever spoken. If all the importance of one's relationship is put on becoming married, marriage simply becomes a hollow symbol. The date my husband and I first started our relationship is the important one for us (it's 3 years more than the wedding anniversary).

RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

http://mangafox.me/manga/akatsuki/

"Akatsuki: a powerful demon of illness which spread into victims, turning their eyes red, and slowly killing them. Usually, they take form of a strong monster connected to the victim's body. The only way to cure the victims infected with Akatsuki is to slash the victim's body with special anti-Akatsuki weapons, known as "Crave."

Christine Anderson 2 years, 9 months ago

Hell, relationships are not worth the trouble in any case.

rockchalker52 2 years, 9 months ago

Okay, a Crave is out. I'll just throw a barbecue instead. Turns out that the missus doesn't really care for monster slashers. Sheesh, just when you think ya know a person...

Celeste Plitz 2 years, 9 months ago

I lived with the ex-fiance for three years, it didn't work out. I dated my now-husband for 11 days and we eloped to Vegas. This year will be our 13th wedding anniversary. So it's just the luck of the draw, I guess. I'm so much happier, I like to say I needed to learn what I didn't want before I could recognize what I did want. And I'm glad, because I love my husband with all my heart.

Kiana Griffin 2 years, 9 months ago

I think cars are meant to be test driven, not people. People are priceless and deserve more than having their "tires kicked" by numerous people and returned to the lot. I like how John Thomas says it:

"...you're not buying a car; you're searching for the person you'll spend the rest of your life with, raise a family with, and grow old with. You're much better off to look for connection in other areas — spiritual, personal and emotional compatibilities. The last thing you need to worry about is sexual compatibility or performance... [that] is something that grows, matures, enhances over time, and surely can't be judged on a "test-drive."

You can learn a person's character without having to live with them. Try canoeing together or hanging wallpaper. You'll learn a lot right there! :)

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