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If you could have any magical power, what would it be?

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Photo of Eugene Ross

“I’d see the future. That way I could win the lottery.”

Photo of Chad Kolumber

“I guess I’d want to have super speed. I’ve always been slow.”

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“To fly… because I could go anywhere in the world.”

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“I guess I would be a genie so I could grant wishes for other people.”

Comments

riverdrifter 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd like the power to find stuff. Anything. My checkbook. A set of car keys I lost last winter when the snow was deep. There's some bullets missing from the Kennedy assassination. Civil war stuff: a friend in Tennessee finds unexploded mortars from the civil war, takes them to his basement, sips some whiskey and carefully drains the powder out of them and when he feels just right from that Knob Creek sour mash he ingnites it. Blazes him gold for an instant. It pisses his wife off 'cause it stinks up the house. I'd like to find silver and gold coins and Quantrill's trail and history. I've got a high dollar metal detector and am getting better at using it. Bottom line is, you gotta get on your prayer bones and dig and search. And dig. And search. It'd be nicer if you could just find stuff. 'There it is.'

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Gandalf 2 years, 9 months ago

Wanna read about some true magic?

The newest Potter film has earned $640.2 million worldwide: It has rung up $214.9 million domestically and an additional $425.3 million at the international box office, Warner Bros. Group president Jeff Robinov said.

Potter’s explosive opening also pushed Warners’ domestic box office take for 2011 over the $1 billion mark for an 11th consecutive year, an industry record.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/harry-potter-franchise-crosses-7-214099

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RETICENT_IRREVERENT 2 years, 9 months ago

Deja, Yes I have blossom end rot also, I think the early heat stresses we have had have screwed with the soil moisture, up, down, up, down,and those fluctuations prevented the plants from taking up proper calcium levels from the soil. I am somewhat of a scrooge when it comes to irrigating. I went the powdered milk routine to help a bit, as it is much more readily available to the plant than the egg shells. The compost I turned into the soil had enough calcium, between egg shells and dryed deer bones ground through the chipper/shredder. Just the moisture fluctuations screwed with the uptake. The peppers and eggplant, squash, melons, and cucumbers are doing just fine, no blossom end rot, same compost, same straw mulching. Go figure.
The deer took all of the green beans this year. Every single plant. Next year everything will be within charged wire except for the sweetcorn.

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estespark 2 years, 9 months ago

The ability to make a long distance phone call for only 99 cents.

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kernal 2 years, 9 months ago

The power to give some politicians a mental wake-up might be useful.

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begin60 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd ask that all the harm done by the ignorance of people who live in whitebutt states like Kansas be undone and redeemed, and that I'd be given the immediate wherewithal to move back to civilization--somewhere on the West Coast.

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goodcountrypeople 2 years, 9 months ago

I don't believe in retaliation but certainly would welcome a bit of "karma enforcement" directed at the lying liars in charge at KU and one or two other neighboring flagship universities who don't by a long shot reach KU's level of moral turpitude but still are hardly angels.

It may sound ironic, but I'd only wish that the civil rights laws that are already on the books were simply followed and enforced in good faith and that the mountain people of places like MO and KS would quit caving into brutal, conflict-of-interest authorities and get over their unconscious bigotry and ignorance.

In short, I'd wish that intelligent, aware life was appreciated and respected ( or at least not aggressed upon by fools) in those parts of the country where currently that seems highly unlikely. It would take magic or a miracle!

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LadyJ 2 years, 9 months ago

RoeDapple (anonymous) says… The raccoons has discovered my sweet corn. I don't think milk will help.

I ran across this artice about using vcr tape to keep deer and other critters out of a garden http://www.motherearthnews.com/organic-gardening/garden-deer-fence-zm0z11zhun.aspx I also read, you guys will like this one, that peeing around the edge of the garden will keep them away. Don't try if you are visible to the public though, don't want to get arrested.

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The_Original_Bob 2 years, 9 months ago

"It was actually the Ozark Mountain Daredevils." Hollis

Well played, sir.

Hollis - Have you seen Wilfred yet? I think it is on FX. The dog reminds me of you. 9:00 tonight.

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beatrice 2 years, 9 months ago

I wish I could make our politicians work together for the good of the nation instead of just for their own political and personal gains.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

In 1981? I saw Kansas and Loverboy at the Fieldhouse. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. And was completely sober.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

Oh, hell yeah! I remember Autie climbed up on my shoulders at the '76 Dirt Band concert. That's about all I remember. Seriously, when I was at LHS in the early 80's, this town was good for one concert/year. Usually at the Field House. Usually at Homecoming. When I was a little kid I know the Beach Boys played, probably without Crazy Brian. Sonny and Cher, 2 hours late due to a backstage marital spat. And when Alice Cooper was here our baby sitter took us up on the hill to watch the game. On the walk home we stopped at AFH and peeked in the windows 'cuz I heard he ripped heads off chickens and thought I might see him. I was supposed to see the Doobies in '79 but I was in a jr. high play and couldn't. My first concert was Cheap Trick in 1980 at the Fieldhouse. Despite the bad acoustics they sounded great since they played so damn loud. That was the key in that joint. Anyway, I think in about '81 or '82 the Dirt Band played at the soccer fields at 23rd and Iowa. I passed, but I have their greatest hits album. It's a 78rpm with one song on each side. Wait! I just blew it. It was actually the Ozark Mountain Daredevils. Oh, hell with it. Nevermind.

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Multidisciplinary 2 years, 9 months ago

R_I, if those tomatoes are green, and that's a buttermilk wash before dipping it in some flour, salt and cracked pepper before laying 'em in hot lard.....well alright!

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RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

The raccoons has discovered my sweet corn. I don't think milk will help.

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The_Original_Bob 2 years, 9 months ago

"I poured milk on my tomatoes."

Kind of expensive for fertilizer.

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RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

Ha! We went to see NGDB in '71 in the auditorium at KSTC! The first two bands played late so when the Dirty Band had only been playing for about half an hour the cops came in to shut it down for running after midnight. The crowd raised a stink so they let them play til 1:00AM

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autie 2 years, 9 months ago

I sawed that Nittty Gritty dirt band one time in 1976 over there to the football place in Kansas City...where them Chefs play. Them was opening up for the ZZ Top. It was a pretty good concert and didn't matter none about the heat as it was when we was younger....in 1976. Me and Hollis and Spacehog..I don't remember too much about the bi-centennial summer as there was a lot of beer and bong going on.

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The_Original_Bob 2 years, 9 months ago

Coming up.

AUG 5 Kansas City Brewer & Shipley & Nitty Gritty Dirt Band Grinders

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The_Original_Bob 2 years, 9 months ago

"It must be hell on earth to be locked into playing and singing the same song over and over again for forty friggin years." Autie

They were either just here or are coming here. I think they are openinig to Black Oak Arkansas.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

In fact, Uncle Bob owes a lot to country musicians. Most of "Blonde On Blonde" was recorded in Nashville with some local musicians. I absolutely hate that album. I call it his Marlene Dietrich album, because he sounds like he's impersonating her on most of the songs.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

Now I'm having a great day! Charlie is one of the greats. He's played with everybody. "Tokin' on a number"? I haven't heard anybody call it a "number" in forever. I first heard of it from a friend of mine from from a very small town, Troy. When he was in HS he was hanging around with some old stoner and he said "Man, I feel like a number." The stoner looked at him and said "Wanna do one?" He wasn't old enough to go to the Bull and the Beaver. But he made up for it a few years later at Ernie's in Highland. The owner, the late great Dean, used to give people cases of beer on credit.

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autie 2 years, 9 months ago

Hollis, You might as well just save yourself some time and just post a Brewer and Shipley song.

that would be "the" Brewer and Shipley song. It must be hell on earth to be locked into playing and singing the same song over and over again for forty friggin years.

Hollis...when you think you are having a bad day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=952h-A...

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Deja Coffin 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd like to be able to go from one place to another just by thinking of the place like in the movie Jumper. Gas prices make traveling anywhere a pain in the butt.

That or be able to read people's minds.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

Today should be a watershed moment for everyone. I was not fond of Babboy when I first encountered him. It took me awhile to catch on to him, because I didn't understand him. But, bad days aside, I think he is one of the unintentionally funniest and most reasonable people here. Plus, the guy knows how to cut and run. He doesn't waste a good part of day stepping in it and replying to everyone. Jeez, is it noon already?!

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RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

I refuse to like BABBOY! I refuse to like BABBOY! I refuse to like BABBOY!

Damn . . . starting to like BABBOY . . .

What did I do wrong . . .

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autie 2 years, 9 months ago

I did the gong thing on that song at the 30 second mark. Chuck Barris lives.

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The_Original_Bob 2 years, 9 months ago

"I shall post a guitar oriented clip each day until I find one that Autie approves of"

Hollis, You might as well just save yourself some time and just post a Brewer and Shipley song.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

I shall post a guitar oriented clip each day until I find one that Autie approves of. I don't care what he thinks, I just Love this one(that was a pun for all you Cult fans). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1Db_CaDsjw

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

If you do decide to ask "Why?", please do not ask it at the Merc. I don't wanna see a bunch of long-winded comments with flowery language and remarks about Brokeback, SRS, clogs, organic gardening, yoga and global warming. Global Warming........... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjqTlt...

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prospector 2 years, 9 months ago

/ Snap fingers

Free State Beer in my hand.

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H_Lecter 2 years, 9 months ago

The power to turn myself into a woman. I'd put mirrors in the shower and...oh never mind.

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CWGOKU 2 years, 9 months ago

What is Autie's favorite brand of Scotch, and why?

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

"Why?" would be the most coolest question ever! C'mon JK/Sandy/Chad. Do it!!!

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd also like to be a Recognizable Brand, like Kim Kardashian. Remember her dad, Bob? Bob was the disco haired cheeseball that sat at O.J.'s side during the trial. Like his daughters, I don't think Bob was known for doing much of anything. He supposedly died of cancer, but I bet O.J. had something to do with it. Now Bob's wife is married to Bruce Jenner's mom.

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Flap Doodle 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd like to have super copy/paste skills so I could post the same set of crappola links hundreds and hundreds of times on this award-winning website without vomiting.

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autie 2 years, 9 months ago

CW..I think all of the questions have been asked. Except why.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

Yes. Al Pacino. The makeup makes it hard to recognize him. But since he's only 4'8" with his hair poofed up he was well-suited for both roles. I believe he also played Gilgamesh, King of Uruk. He's always so over-the-top that it wasn't much of a stretch for him.

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CWGOKU 2 years, 9 months ago

BABBOY is getting the hang of it. Well done.

Another repeat question.

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autie 2 years, 9 months ago

Hollis, is that Gollum guy in Lordy Rings and the Dauby creature in Harry P. Potter played by the same actor?

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RETICENT_IRREVERENT 2 years, 9 months ago

In other news the FDA Says Walnuts Are Drugs and Doritos Are Heart Healthy.

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Bill Lee 2 years, 9 months ago

I'd like to be able to observe the past and future. I don't want to interact with them, but as a history buff, I'd find it interesting to see what really happened, not just what historians have told us happened. Among other things, it would enable me to scale some walls on my family tree. Looking into the future might prove depressing, but if I'm going to look back, I should take at least a glance forward. I might avoid a few stumbles.

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rockchalker52 2 years, 9 months ago

The power to read minds would be cool.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

I used to like magic until I got into Led Zepplin. They did a bunch of backward masking stuff and Jimmy Page was a student of Aleister Crowley. Mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear How years ago in days of old when magic filled the air 'twas in the darkest depths of Mordor, mm-I met a girl so fair but Gollum and the evil one crept up and slipped away with her her, her, yeah, and ain't nothin' I can do, no

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RETICENT_IRREVERENT 2 years, 9 months ago

autie, autie, autie, Invisibility?
You would choose a magical power to skirt and avoid personal responsibility? The issue is not to give money to a corrupt and vile government, the Synagogue of Satan under the 2nd plank of the Communist Manifesto, no, the issue is to personally do good, and help those who need help. That is the meaning behind the Parable of the Faithful Servant. This is the thing. Life is about helping your fellow man when they need some help. Voluntarily helping. These so called liberals, social liberals, not classical liberals, but people who have polluted and convoluted the idea with their own selfishness, whining and bitching about how the Government, by force, should help those that are less fortunate by taxing and then by in-efficient means distributing this "help", and by their own admission, not taking the personal responsibility of directly helping others less fortunate, yet complain when in current government short falls, the government makes cuts in programs that should be privately, and voluntarily funded.

Some people. The same people who are on the Montgomery County, Kansas Top Recipients of Farm Subsidies List , but of course are hiding, trying to be invisible behind their spousal unit's name...

Theft is theft however you look at it. That is what the 10 commandments are all about.
Though they say 10 different things, they are really all just variations on this basic premise: DO NOT STEAL.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

I think it used to be called the Sidewalk Bazaar. They changed it after the whole Bob Berdella thing. He had a shop in Westport called Bob’s Bizarre Bazaar.

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BABBOY 2 years, 9 months ago

Pointless question.

But, along the thought of one of my fav posters Hollis, I would probably just be a jedi. Then, I would not need X-ray vision and could just make women gets nakked via the jedi mind trick....

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

The powers of magic, wizardry and spell-casting are satanic and frowned upon by TBN and the 700 Club. I think they're cool with the Ouija Board. It's more of a parlor game. There's a passage I've got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you." Now I've been sayin' that for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You'd be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a mofo before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw something this mornin' made me think twice. The Sidewalk Sale. See, now I'm thinking: maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here... he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the Sidewalk Sale that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that ain't the truth. The truth is the Sidewalk Sale is weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.

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HollisBrown 2 years, 9 months ago

Again? We just got this question. My answer is the same. X-ray vision, so I can see women nekked. I even bought some of those x-ray specs out of the back of a comic book so I could check out my 5th grade teacher. They didn't work.

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RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

Magical power? Whitney gave hers up, I'll take it. That big red disapearededed button would provide all the magic I could use! Not to mention the new game I would start. "Disapearededed For A Day! WTF?" Choose random posters to vanish for 24 hours, leaving them to wonder . . .

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CWGOKU 2 years, 9 months ago

The power to get Prospector to bring me a cold beer whenever I want one

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RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

Nothing better for cleansing the pores than a drenching sweat! Soaked T-shirt, dripping on your shoes til they're water logged, sun beating down on your neck, itch from garden vines, mosquitoes and chiggers gnawing on places that don't get enough exposure most of the year! No power is more magical than enjoying what nature brings!

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g_rock 2 years, 9 months ago

Mind control! You will all be my minions and do my bidding! Bwahahahaha!

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RoeDapple 2 years, 9 months ago

HOT!! Bring it! I have enjoyed being outdoors more in the last week than the rest of the year!

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autie 2 years, 9 months ago

Ronaldo, so you're saying that we should increase taxes on those with millions and bring back capital gains? Good idea except I'm afraid Sammy boy doesn't read his bible the same way.

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RETICENT_IRREVERENT 2 years, 9 months ago

I keep hearing the Gospel According to Luke: For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

Plus, hardly anyone with magical powers get laid. I'll pass.

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Mary Darst 2 years, 9 months ago

To twitch my nose and be anywhere where the temp is less than 80 degrees.

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Russell Fryberger 2 years, 9 months ago

The power to detect and destroy child molesters and people who mistreat animals.

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Gandalf 2 years, 9 months ago

Eternal life. Watch those long term investments grow!

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Roland Gunslinger 2 years, 9 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

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