What qualities make a good father? / LJWorld.com

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Asked at Hy-Vee, 4000 W. Sixth St. on February 15, 2010

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“Love, reliability, sense of humor, consistency.”

— Regine Benalcazar, retired psychiatrist, Switzerland

“A sense of humor and lots of patience.”

— Heather Duris, stay-at-home mom, Independence, Mo.

“No. 1 on my list would be patience, No. 2 would probably be love, and the third one a sense of humor … It helps with the other two.”

— Jim Householder, paraeducator, Chicago

“Love and care.”

— Sebastian Higle, sixth-grade student, Lawrence

The secrets of Savvy Dads

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Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

well, first of all, someone who is PRESENT in his child's life! someone who is understanding, nurturing, loving and always has his child's best interest in mind.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

autie has it right! thumbs up :)

gphawk89 3 years, 3 months ago

Patience, patience, patience. Whey your 3yo draws a picture on the wall with crayons, gently remind him that drawing should be done on paper, and give him a hug and kiss on the forehead. When it happens the next day, do the same thing. And the next day, and the next. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, he is listening to you, and will eventually realize that you're right.

And follow autie's advice.

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

"My current wife" - Tom

Already browsing the brochures?

My next wife...

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

hey, tom, i hear ya... and congrats on your son futhering his education. that's great. i am a single mother (as you probably already know-- been divorced for years). my ex husband is a grade A turd (and i promise you, if you knew him, you would certainly agree! its not just in my mind!) and it is probably better that he is not in their lives right now as he has borderline personality disorder amongst other things.

anyway, one of the last interactions my ex had w/ my 2nd son was telling him that he should drop out of high school (so he wouldn't have to pay child support of course, but he didn't come right out and say that at the time). he didn't-- he knew i wasn't going to accept that-- at ALL-- so he stayed in. had to attend an extra semester because he piddled off his freshman year and had to repeat. but he finished and graduated last may and he is now at hutchinson community college. it feels good-- especially being a single parent and knowing that he finished high school and is attending college because of MY support and encouragement. :)

again, congrats on your children. :) consider this a cyber pat on the back.

jonas_opines 3 years, 3 months ago

The kids I know say one who buys them booze.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

sheprecedes.... wth?

M. Lindeman 3 years, 3 months ago

ShePrecedes (Anonymous) says…

i was thinking that the premier quality of being a good father is in the man who avoids being one.

a bad father is a man who has more than two kids.

rdragon writes:

Excuse me? Would you mind explaining your comments a little more.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

^^^ that's what i'm saying... that was definitely one of the most pessimistic posts i read on here in a long time (that wasn't posted by barrypenders. lol). i was wondering if sheprecedes would clarify as well.

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

Call me superstitious, but I really only enjoy muenster on Halloween.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

i wasn't quite sure why this question was posed today either. maybe it should've been "which president do you think was the greatest ever"? in that case, i'd have to say rutherford b. hayes. first of all, the man was HAWT!

LoveThsLife 3 years, 3 months ago

I think this is why they are asking http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2010/feb....

Autie..great comment and so true.

grammaddy 3 years, 3 months ago

Autie wins the "Best Dad ever" award for his comment. If you want to be in your child's memories tomorrow, you must be present in his life today.

ms_canada 3 years, 3 months ago

My grandson, sitting in a circle of kindergarten kids who had been asked to tell what was the best thing about their dad, replied, "My daddy loves me". This from a kid in a broken home. He was the only kid who mentioned love. As a kid myself, I always knew that our father loved us intensely. He was the greatest and I loved him intensely.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

aaaaaw! spacehog, that was great! :) you are the same age as my brother. he's a '65 baby and i'm a '67 baby. i was born in the last part of that year so i betcha me and your brother graduated high school the same year (seems like most of the kids in my class were '68 kids).

my dad has his problems but he's okay. he's a psychologist-- they are a strange breed anyway. but he did create some great memories for me and my brother when he could take us on vacations every summer. that was always a treat and i still cherish those times.

rbwaa 3 years, 3 months ago

in addition to all the positive comments made above, one who doesn't badmouth the mother to his children regardless of her negative attributes -- the same is true for mothers

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

space, Gerrys kid?

jedifunk 3 years, 3 months ago

At the risk of getting all schmaltzy...

It took me a long time to appreciate my dad. I always knew he loved me very much and would provide for me, but I took that for granted as I grew up. Now that I'm a man myself (albeit a pretty new one) and I look at all my friends who are the products of broken homes and absent fathers, I count myself blessed. Too many men see children as some kind of burden, financially, socially or otherwise. I had a father who loved (and is still married to) my mother. He WANTED to be a father and says it is the best thing he ever did with his life. What more could I ask for? I'm so lucky. I can only hope that I am as good of a father to my children as he was, and continues to be, to me and my siblings.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

and the thing is, just because a guy divorces the woman doesn't mean he divorces his children! that is so completely and utterly asinine that some men feel (or act) that way! you can still take a very active role in your kids' lives even if you don't live under the same roof anymore.

LoveThsLife 3 years, 3 months ago

"Truman was the greatest modern-day President."

Truman was a great president. Have you read his biography by David McCullough?

LoveThsLife 3 years, 3 months ago

Autie....that Mark Twain quote is priceless :)

Marcy McGuffie 3 years, 3 months ago

” Please, please know that Spacehog is only my OTS alter-ego, and I was raised right by a great mom and dad. “ Spacehog

"Whatever. I drove by your house this morning (I could tell it was yours do to the empty whiskey bottles and nitrous tanks scattered all over your yard) and you were passed out on the porch holding a kitten." The_Original_Bob

Thank goodness. I was all upset upon the revelation that Spacehog was an actual respectable citizen and nothing more than an alter-ego. Phew! Thanks for setting that straight, T_O_B!

beatrice 3 years, 3 months ago

High sperm count.

denak 3 years, 3 months ago

One of the best quotes I ever heard was: The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.

I think that is true. And before some people get upset, yes I know things go wrong and people get divorces and sometimes those divorces are warrented.

But along with Autie's excellent advice about being there, I think the other best thing for a child is for him or her to see the parents love...or at the very least...respect each other.

Dena

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

space, Just don't ever wear skinny jeans.

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

"I think the other best thing for a child is for him or her to see the parents love…" - denak

What a way to permanently emotionally scar a child!

Love should remain unseen, missionary position, lights out, door locked, and the blinds drawn for the sole purpose of procreation on Thursdays.

denak 3 years, 3 months ago

"....What a way to permanently emotionally scar a child! Love should remain unseen, missionary position, lights out, door locked, and the blinds drawn for the sole purpose of procreation on Thursdays....."

Oh my god, flashback, flashback. Why did you have to brign that up RI, now I have to go see my therapist.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

waita minute!!! autie, why do you get pancakes?? what religion do you belong to where you get pancakes and where the heck do i sign up?!

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

autie, But are you fasting after Tuesday, that is the question...

Mel, Tomorrow is Fastnacht Day, some limeys have corrupted is and call it Shrove Tuesday or Pancake Day (thin little pancake eaters call it Fat Tuesday), being the day before Smudge Day, the beginning of Lenz.

Rex Russell 3 years, 3 months ago

Love, Sacrafice, and Involvement in their lives. Guidance and giving them boundries and clear expectations. I tell my two they are allowed to be anything they want but not "nothing". I will work 3 jobs if I have to to put you through college, but don't ask me to support doing nothing or quitting. Not an option. Tell them "I have faith that you are something great just waiting to happen, now go do it." And love should be in the back of their heads, knowing I will support you in everything.

CWGOKU 3 years, 3 months ago

Ditto with Autie. Be there, participate and be patient. Why the question? Someone at the LJW have a bad day with dad recently and need some comforting. Are we all Dr. Phil today for them?
Bacon cheesebuger with dill pickle spear.

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

autie, You should really give fastnachts a try this year. They would have remained uncorrupted except for that greedy guy Duncan, who figured out that he could make extra money by making a hole in the middle and selling both.

paisley 3 years, 3 months ago

Wouldn't know. My old man was too busy chasing a bar fly. My kids wouldn't know either...their old man was too busy chasing a rich whore.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

aw man.... its a frenchie thing? i thought someone said it was a limey thing-- if so, well my mother's side is mostly english!

conservativepunker 3 years, 3 months ago

Having the guts and good sense to be a parent and not the "best friend", i.e. be willing to discipline and keep control of the brats in public, not let them runaround stores and public areas as if they were on a playground.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

rex, i co-sign. i will do whatever i have to do to help my children. however, they also need to eventually learn to help themselves and, thus, figure out what they want to do in life (or atleast initially-- many folks try on many different career/vocational "hats" in their lifetimes).

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

conpunker: oh my goodness-- i TOTALLY co-sign! i can't stand that sasquatch baby stuff in public. climbing all over stuff that is not meant to be climbed on (washers and dryers in a laundromat, chairs and tables in a doctor's waiting room) and running around like tasmanian devils in the grocery store. man i can't stand that!! my mom would've whooped my butt for acting like that! and my kids-- well i have that "mommy look" i give them that quickly conveys "okay... you've got one more chance... after that, your ass is mine...."

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

Mel, Shrove Tuesday is the Limey abomination of Fastnacht Day.

autie, Yeah, he sold holes. When he was getting on a Liberty ship, he observed the Salvation Army sisters making and giving fastnachts to the boarding troops on the dock. They were putting a nut in the middle of them before they fried them, sometimes the nut would push the dough out of the middle and create a hole. As America was fighting the Germans, the Salvation Army sisters of course could not call them fastnachts, to they coined them doughnuts. When Mr Duncan came back from the war, he remembered the doughnuts he had while boarding the troop ship, and decided to go into business selling the doughnuts. And that is how Dunkin Donuts began, from a way to use up lard before the Lenz fast,

snap_pop_no_crackle 3 years, 3 months ago

The most amusing thread ever had been disappeareded. Shazbot!

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

I am 16 stone of unadulterated id. Who are you?

beatrice 3 years, 3 months ago

snap, that actually seems like an appropriate finish -- far too many inane ramblings ended with a pull of the plug.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

spacehog, i don't usually like or agree w/ jay-z but he said that we are the world shouldn't have been remade-- that somethings are just so classic they shouldn't be touched. couldn't believe he made a good point!! i totally agree.

Mariposa 3 years, 3 months ago

Snap, are you a belly dancer? At the Aladdin Cafe? It's been a while since I was there, and I am asking because it is the only place I have heard the word shazbot and another customer asked you for a definition. Sorry, I can't remember what you said. I was in high school at the time.

snap_pop_no_crackle 3 years, 3 months ago

"beatrice (Anonymous) says… snap, that actually seems like an appropriate finish — far too many inane ramblings ended with a pull of the plug. " We can say the same thing after Biden goes back to the private sector.

Mel Briscoe 3 years, 3 months ago

mariposa, its a gen X thing. if you were born after 1977 you most likely aren't going to know that "shazbot" was a word used by robin williams' character in the late 70s television show, mork and mindy.

beatrice 3 years, 3 months ago

Child support check arrives on time without having to ask.

M. Lindeman 3 years, 3 months ago

honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

mariposa, its a gen X thing. if you were born after 1977 you most likely aren't going to know that “shazbot” was a word used by robin williams' character in the late 70s television show, mork and mindy.

rdragon writes:

honeychild (Mel Briscoe)

Nanu, nanu!

misplacedcheesehead 3 years, 3 months ago

My own father was a self-centered, womanizing, wife-beating, non-supporting jackass. Countless times, he had my mother terrified, even after the divorce.(She had full custody of us, thank God. Plus, it was the early '70's, when women still stood a fair chance in these things.) He never paid a damn cent in child support. Every time mom would threaten to go to the State of Wi about it, he would threaten to take all three of us away from her. I vividly remember an incident when I was 7, where he was abusing my mom, holding her arms behind her back so he could slap her face. I saw all this. I took a bronze model of the church they were married in and hit him on the back with it, to get him off mom. He turned and started to come after me, but I was able to run away. I still remember her crying for hours, scared that she would lose us to him. Were our childhoods perfect? Far from it. But our lives would have been much, much worse if our dad had been awarded custody. The piece of cow manure didn't even show up half the times he was scheduled to have visitation. Now Tom, I've quietly been on "your side" on a lot of threads. But this one...May I ask you, was your ex really that crappy of a mother, or did you just wish to punish her for not wanting you anymore? Did she fail to provide your sons what they needed, physically or emotionally? Did your ex abuse your sons, or did she happen to have political views that differed from yours? One would be worth taking the kids away from her, the other would not. The toughest question I have for you is, did you hit your ex wife, and then paint her out to the mediator to be "crazy", because she "made it all up"? By "seedy stories", do you mean she dared to have a man in her life after you, and dared to have sex with such man? Bottom line-was she an awful mother, or did she just not fit Tom's mold of what a woman/mother should be? Was she a Democrat?

Mariposa 3 years, 3 months ago

Very well, I will assume that snap is not a belly dancer. Now that I think about it the dancer tripped over her veil and said a word that she said was German for s--t. Which would fit in the context. Speaking of remakes, I believe that the new Karate Kid with Will Smith's son Jaden, is going to be much better than the original. Jackie Chan is going to be the teacher.

snap_pop_no_crackle 3 years, 3 months ago

“Snap, are you a belly dancer?” I've had lots of different jobs over the years, but not that. ;)

RETICENT_IRREVERENT 3 years, 3 months ago

Mariposa, No dancing, but here is snap as a cereal pitchman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKyi4AKAmps

CWGOKU 3 years, 3 months ago

Really?! That you?!

beatrice 3 years, 3 months ago

spacehog, believe it or not it could have been worst: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?paged=9

Newell_Post 3 years, 3 months ago

What qualities make a good father?

A trust fund, a private pilot's license, and an active contempt for the strictures of polite society.

bearded_gnome 3 years, 3 months ago

good father: just be there! spend time, show you care!

dadof3 3 years, 3 months ago

In my opinion (and thats all it is for any of you). Trust must always remain #1 on a childs list, We have to be the ones they trust everything with, Life, emotions, secrets, physical well being, and education. #2 Unconditional Love, When your kid is 16 and wrecks your Lexus, sure get mad, disciplin even, but also forgive and show you still love, and with that #3 teach your kids everything you know then some, Help them understand their actions and learn from their mistakes. Now for those of you that have the spoiled, screaming, fit throwing heathens that don't mind you and never will, DISCIPLIN them. Sure remind them once maybe twice then after that give them something to think about. Dont proceed to beat the daylights out of them but be creative.

Bought a new van 2 years ago. Kids got in it and started jumping around acting like heathens, reminded them several times to act right, (they knew better, just got excited) a month later I came home loaded the fam up and headed out, Found the dome light in the back pulled out of the roof, I was upset but just reminded them thats not the way to treat things. 2 days later my son pulled the light out of the roof again and this time broke it shorting out the interior lights, Simple... remind him of the way to treat things, Grab his favorite little truck and a hammer and ask him to break his truck. He refused so I did. Sounds terrible and I know your thinking OMG what a horrible man... (thats your opinion) My son got over the truck and he knows how to treat other people's things (they way you wanted to be treated). He has not destroyed anything of mine in 2 years (he is 6 now) and guess what... He is my best friend, trusts me, understands me, looks up to me, learns from me, and knows I love him unconditionally. (oh and I did get him another truck later on in life)