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Have you ever been bullied or been a bully yourself?

Asked at Massachusetts Street on June 21, 2005

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Photo of Joel Bogart

“Sure. While walking home from school as a kid, high school jerks would splash me by driving through puddles. I also remember having my last name twisted around and made fun of a lot.”

Photo of Carri Vereecke

“Not that I can think of. I’m sure I was picked on, but nothing I can remember. I think all kids are to some extent.”

Photo of Andrew Ryan

“Yes, I’ve been bullied a lot. In fact, I just got back from Japan, where I was bullied.”

Photo of Chawnae Holloway

“Yes, I have been bullied. In elementary school, by a group of boys. They chased me every day from the playground to my house.”

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Comments

Richard Heckler 9 years, 10 months ago

Cliques and bullies....the negative for public schools. How many times have we heard "boys will be boys"?

jayhawktownie 9 years, 10 months ago

i certainly don't have the physical stature to bully anyone physically but i assume that i have been guilty of intellectual bullying every now and then.

Hong_Kong_Phooey 9 years, 10 months ago

Yeah, I was bullied a lot in elementary school. In turn, I then bullied some people for a time because it made me feel better. Then, one day I made a kid cry and I felt really bad and I didn't bully anybody anymore.

It seems that bullying these days has become a little more violent than in the past. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems that way to me. I don't look forward to my little nieces & nephews going to school...

sunflower_sue 9 years, 10 months ago

I'm not sure how much bullying actually came from the "bullier" or how much came from my friends saying what the bullier was going to do to me?!? If my dear friends would have kept their mouths shut, I would have been blissfully ignorant instead of scared.

I think it's just our job to survive school. I hated it...and I was one of the popular kids. I really feel for the kids that are left out or that feel bullied. I think that parents (for the most part) have just stopped teaching morals to their children. Things have definitely gotten worse.

tell_it_like_it_is 9 years, 10 months ago

You can talk all the physco-babble you want about bullies..the only thing that cures them is giving it right back to them. Physical size don't really matter that much just the fact that you stick up for yourself usually will make them stop.

neopolss 9 years, 10 months ago

I remember bullying being fairly rough. I'm not sure if the bullying has gotten any worse, but for the bullies, the times have changed. You used to be able to give a kid a wedgie and hang him from a flagpole. Now, he's probably packing heat the next day and your days of bullying may be over.

I'm afraid bullying will never stop. As long as there are size differences and home issues, self esteem and human nature's desire to be king of all, the best we can do is minimize it. Actually the bullying continues even when we take a job. How many of us have jerk bosses? We've just gotten better at taking it.

Redneckgal 9 years, 10 months ago

I just read the article and I feel really bad for the little 8 year old that is being bullied. Lets see he is 8 so that would put him about in the second grade and that makes me question what are 5th and 6th graders doing at recess with the smaller kids anyway? About the question yes I was bullied once right after I first started junior high by an older girl. It went on most of the school year she would call me names and try to start fights and we'd get called to the office and they would send us off to the counsler's office to "work out our problems" that worked out REAL good! We'd walk out of the office and down the hall and she be right back at it. Finally one day she caught me in the stairway and pinched the crap out of me. I'd had plenty enough so I just turned around and socked her one. Of course that sent her away bawling her head off right straight to the principals office to tattle and I ended getting a 3 day in school suspension. But it was worth it because she never bothered me again.

gccs14r 9 years, 10 months ago

In Windows, hold down the alt key and type 154 on the numeric keypad to get a capital U with an umlaut:

Ã

130 prints an e-acute and 176 prints a degree symbol. The numeric keys across the top of the main keyboard won't work for this, so if you're on a laptop, you'll have to toggle numlock on and off to do this.

enochville 9 years, 10 months ago

Middle school was the worst. African-Americans outnumbered Caucasians at my school in Georgia and race relations were very poor among the general student population. I was mostly in honors classes and the whites and the blacks got along fine there, but outside of those classes there was gang mentality. The whites would never stick up for each other and the blacks would fight as a group. Like prisoners in a concentration camp, you tried not to draw attention to yourself. In 7th grade, for some reason my friend and I, were always chased around campus after school while waiting for our bus by a group of African Americans. I didn't know their names so I couldn't tell on them. Sometimes, we would avoid them by running into a teacher's classroom. When the teacher would look for them, they would run and hide. It was so bad that I started bringing a knife to school to defend myself if a fight happened. In 8th grade, I know longer brought a knife and no chased me anymore. However, fights were a very common occurance between students and just fed the bloodlust of the spectators. One day, as a fight was breaking up outside and the crowd was disappating, I walked past on the sidewalk on my way to the principal's office. One black guy I didn't know, who also did not know me, got in my face saying I had said something about his mother. So as not to walk into him, I walked between the building and a tall bush. While I was watching my accuser getting ready to block a punch from him, a friend of his jreached his arm over the bush and punched me from the side. My instinct was to go right back over the bush at him, but I knew I would end up face down in the bush unable to do anything. So, I just laughed at him, which made him angrier. By this time the crowd had gathered around us, but I pushed my way through the crowd and entered the building. By the time I made it to the principal's office, the crowd outside had left and I didn't know the names of the instigators to tell on them. I believe that standing up for yourself is usually the best policy. Even if you don't win, the bully will move on to an easier prey. But it is suicide to try to fight a mob by yourself when they are bigger than you, because not only will you get the crap beat out of you on that occasion, the group will hate you from then on and will take every opportunity to beat you up again. I HATED middle school and was so glad to leave.

happy_me 9 years, 10 months ago

OK This is a topic I usually avoid and am going to vent abit as I was the kid everyone picked on. I Hated IT!! To this day If I see people I went to school with that picked on me I feel Violent Evil Hate (which is totally not me!!). Bullying truelly is what caused Columbine and so many other school shootings. If PARENTS would teach their children respect and not allow the "I'm better" attitude it would greatly reduce this problem. Unfortunately, most of the kids that are the bullies are the "rich, popular" kids that can "do no wrong" and therefor don't get punished until the damage is done.

Now how can we stop this?? School Uniforms are a good start If all the kids have to wear the same thing the clothing will not be an issue ie: Hey Susie when are you getting Croc's (laughter) Oh that's right you won't cuz your momma's poor (more laughter) most parents don't even consider this when buying the newest trendy things for their kids but it is a big part of the problem.

tir 9 years, 10 months ago

I wasn't bullied physically, but a couple of kids spread a really nasty rumor about me in high school and taunted me with it every chance they got, during classes, assemblies, study hall. I reported them to the school counselor, and the school's solution was to let them carry on doing exactly as they pleased, but they segregated me "for my own good" and told me to "not react" to the bullying. I hated these kids with a passion and they often drove me close to the breaking point, but I couldn't do anything to them because I was the good, studious kid, a perfect target.

Years later, I learned that they both ended up dead, having come to bad ends due to drug involvement, and I realized that they were both just pathetic individuals. They gave me a hard time back when, but hey, I'm stronger and they're, well, gone...

raven 9 years, 10 months ago

I teased a few kids and they teased me. Overall, no harm was really done. Mostly it was my friends and I who would tease one another. Not really bully though, it never got physical. Pretty tame.

raven 9 years, 10 months ago

happy_me: Are you from Eudora. I noticed you had some negative comments about it under the article. Just curious I am from Eudora and I never had any problems in school there.

enochville 9 years, 10 months ago

I think the solution to real bullying by youth is very similar to what we do to adults. Security guards should publicly arrest them and they should be assigned community service. Some people may think that is severe, but detention and suspension aren't working. Adults too often don't want to get involved. Kids need to feel that they are safe. Imagine really fearing for your well-being. When you are a youth nothing is more important than your image with your peers and your freedom to do what you want. The public humiliation of being arrested is a very strong deterant and the community service restricts them from doing what they want to do for a little while. They will think twice before bullying another kid. You can't leave it up to negligent parents to punish their kid. That doesn't work anymore for many cases.

happy_me 9 years, 10 months ago

Raven: I went to school in Eudora for about 1 1/2yrs. Hated it the entire time. We had moved from Topeka to Eudora man what a culture shock!!!

raven 9 years, 10 months ago

Happy_me: I am sorry you hated it. Eudora is my hometown. I don't live there anymore but, I always liked it fine.

tell_it_like_it_is 9 years, 10 months ago

It will be interesting to see what the schools will do with bullies. Not much I'm guessing. My kid was picked on by a teachers kid last year and when he'd had enough of it he slugged him. Now who do you think got the blame for that? Sure as heck wasn't the teacher's kid! Are they gonna go after the jocks and the rich kids? No way!

sunflower_sue 9 years, 10 months ago

happy_me, You hit one of my pet peeves...Croc's...and all other "trendy" fads that not everyone can subscribe to. I grew up dirt poor and rarely ate lunch at school because my "free-lunch card" was a different color than everyone else's. And I'm ashamed to say that I was ashamed.

Now that I have children of my own and they can have just about anything they want...they don't! I refuse to knowingly do to some kid what was done to me by being excluded for lack of money.

BTW, I was out the other day and saw an entire family wearing croc's and I had to smile because they looked like ducks walking along in a row. Quack!

Redneckgal 9 years, 10 months ago

sunflower..aren't those croc's about the dummest thing? I seen a pair in our local shoe store for $49.00!! Good Lord!!

mlemiller 9 years, 10 months ago

I don't recall being bullied by students, but I sure remember being bullied by teachers. For the most part, I loved my teachers, but I especially remember one that just had it out for me and I never knew why. This was in 9th grade and she would try to embarrass me in front of the class all the time, and she threatened to get me kicked out of the student council when I didn't do well on a test or something. I actually did very poorly in her class, and I think it is because I had such a dislike for this woman because she was so mean to me. My attitude was that she didn't deserve for me to care about her class. But I wish I would have been thinking about entrance to college when I decided I didn't care about getting a good grade.

But what do you do when you are being bullied by a teacher? I never felt like I could do anything about it without feeling like a trouble maker.

acg 9 years, 10 months ago

I can say I was lucky enough to not have been bullied, but then I came from a good ole southern background and my folks would've been mortified if we let ourselves get bullied in school. We were taught to turn the other cheek as much as possible but when it gets to be too much to bear, you whip their freakin' ass. Had to do it a few times, to, and I tell you when the "cool" crowd sees one of theirs go down in a bloody heap, they're less apt to mess with you. In 11th grade I had to shut the mouth of a popular chick who rode my butt for months, and for what reason I couldn't fathom except I was different than her. I called my mom at home one day, told her I'd had enough, she said do what you gotta do and I went back into the gym and punched that girl so hard in the mouth it broke her tooth and she bawled like a freak and my parents bought me a car. The "popular" crowd gave me a very wide berth for the next year and a half. I know some of ya'll are just horrified but a seriously good beat down sometimes will cure all.

neopolss 9 years, 10 months ago

Crocs are a blessing for those in the food service and health industry. The material is very resistant to molds, fungus, and other nasty crap, and easily cleans up. Fantastic for a hospital. They also a lot more comfortable. There's very little personality to the profession, as my wife tends to wear what everyone else does. A fashionable pair of crocs and a special set of scrubs makes her feel a little more womanly.

My two cents. Don't want something just because it is "in," but if you like it for yourself, don't be ashamed of that. A trend usually has a good reason for it becoming a trend. Being cool, and being "anti-cool" are one and the same. Buy it if you like it.

School uniforms won't reduce bullying. It simply takes away one reason to pick on someone, but I'm sure they can find plenty more.

craigers 9 years, 10 months ago

I personally think that the Crocs are some of the ugliest shoes I have ever seen.

neopolss 9 years, 10 months ago

craigers reminds me of "Negative Nancy" on SNL.

"Not cool!" -Caveman from Geiko commercial

acg 9 years, 10 months ago

I'm out of the loop on what's in these days. What are these crocs you all speak of?

sunflower_sue 9 years, 10 months ago

Yeah, Croc's are just like rubber garden clogs only they are full of holes. NOT good in medical or food industry with all those holes for food and or bodily fluids to fall through! (Although, I'm sure they would be better at letting your own sweat escape). My Dr. friend just wears the solid garden clogs and puts them in her dishwasher....YUCK!

Anyone remember "Jellies"? Rubber shoes (for girls) in the early 80's? Only they were cheaper than all the other shoes because they were made of....hmmmmm, cheaper material! Now, at $1 to $2 a pair, even us "poor" kids could wear those. Croc's are marketed to a "rich kid" audience. That's where my adversion lies.

Redneckgal 9 years, 10 months ago

I remember the jellies..and the blisters they rubbed on my feet!! But they were cute and your right they were reasonably priced.

enochville 9 years, 10 months ago

Do those crocs become slimy if you sweat in them? or rub blisters? or make you feet smell like rubber?

italianprincess 9 years, 10 months ago

Okay.....here goes

My youngest attends school with the little boy featured in the paper today. They have been attending the same school since kindergarten. They both just finished the second grade and even kids their own age are bullies. Its not just the older ones who are the bullies here.

Times and changed, schools are so different ( 0 tolerance now ) and kids can be very cruel. You can teach your child to stand up for themselves like I have, but when it comes to that standing up issue they get into trouble for it.

Example: If a child was to call your child a name and no one heard anything, then your child was to call a name back and get caught he would he would be the one in trouble.

I can admit my youngest is no angel and he has had his not so great days at school. This past school year I have seen all to much of the back and forth name calling issue and he had a rough 2nd grade year. I found out that the kids in his class have been name calling back and forth for the last 3 years. How I found this out was listening to him read to me from his kindergarten journal. He had to write down things that he didn't understand. He wrote down " I don't understand why the kids call me names all the time ". I asked him why he didn't say anything to me so I could have done something and he said it was a secret. I told him thats not the type of secret you keep inside of you.

I have heard names that I have never heard before coming from these kids. I'm guessing older siblings, parents arguing, kids at school etc.

Things have changed at his school and for his and my best interest I have already put in a transfer to attend another school. He will attend a new school and all I can hope for this coming year he has a much better experience there.

happy_me 9 years, 10 months ago

acg: I would have loved to have kicked *ss and taken names unfortunately I was only 4' 7" or so and maybe 85lbs with all my winter clothes on. (I'm still only 5' 0") So I couldn't win even if I tried!!

Raven: I'm sure Eudora was great for the kids who grew up there just like any small town the new kids get picked on. Nothing personal against you or anyone currently living there.

I too grew up dirt poor and I know that what kids wear to school is a big source of whether you get picked on/ bullied.

As for me in High School I started lifting weights and became a power house (lifting more than some of the football players) even though I was small people started leaving me alone but not until after I had been beat up several times and and my self asteam (sp?) was in the toilet.

happy_me 9 years, 10 months ago

Italianprincess: I hope your son gets along better at his new school! Do you know were he will go? Just curious I have one in grade school too. @ Pinckney and there isn't very much bullying there. The teachers are really good about keeping stopped

raven 9 years, 10 months ago

happy_me: I was not offended, I am just sorry you left with a bad feeling about Eudora. It has a special place in heart as I am sure you can imagine. It is my home and I am sorry you had such a bad experience.

linux_chick 9 years, 10 months ago

I agree. The crocs look really dumb.

Too bad no one got a pic of the jayhawk lady; I would have liked to post it all in fun of course. :)

linux_chick 9 years, 10 months ago

I was teased pretty hard in 5th/6th grade for being skinny. The sticks and stones saying seems quite innaccurate; I think I would have rather gotten my butt beat everyday for 2 years.

Ceallach 9 years, 10 months ago

My family was somewhat nomadic during my elementary and junior high school years. My brother and I were constantly adapting to new schools, cliques, etc. I was very fortunate that I cannot recall a bullying instance that was traumatic enough for me to remember. But I do remember the problems my brother had. I believe it is more difficult for boys to be taken in and out of schools than for girls. Girls call names and make fun of you for not wearing the right clothes, etc., but I was good at ignoring them and that was that. However, my poor brother was always getting beat up until about the 5th grade. The little Irishman had been through enough and he started fighting back. By the time he was in Junior High he had very little trouble. Occasionally some boy would try to bully him but they were unsuccessful. I have always been so proud of him because, in spite of the bullying he took, when he was big enough and determined enough to take care of himself, he did not become a bully. Some boys are not so fortunate, we had a mom that kept him mindful of what it had been like when he was little. (Although I always suspected that he looked for opportunities to defend younger kids just so he could "whoop" on the bullies :)

squishypoet 9 years, 10 months ago

I remember in 6th grade a girl that would come to our house in the morning before school so her parents could go to work would pick on me... I wasn't a morning person, so she had lots of things to taunt me with. We actually got into a slapfight once on the way to school. I also remember distinctly opening the door to get into my mom's car after school and having her shout after me, "B*tch!" I know my mom was pretty shocked to hear a 6th grader use that sort of language... I think I still had problems saying the word "butt" in front of my parents at that time, so you can imagine how I felt! The same girl picked on me in junior high for wearing tapered leg jeans... I really can't blame her for that one, though!

ms_canada 9 years, 10 months ago

Can't remember anything about bullying in school. But can I ask a question. Is it hot down there? It is just sweltering here. I sure don't know how I will sleep tonite. Think I'll have to adjourn to the downstairs bedroom, I mean the basement. It is cool down there. Well nitie nite all.

Jayhawk226 9 years, 10 months ago

I bullied some pints of Guiness tonight...take that!

Ceallach 9 years, 10 months ago

Das_Ubermime: weather.com is great. I usually check out my family's weather in south south Texas, my dad always told people he lived in North Mexico :) The Rio Grande Valley is nice, but warm -- well hot! If I complain about our heat my mom always lets me know how hot it is on her deck. Due to heat she can't get out much during the afternoon so I think she keep a running record of the rising temp in her yard.

btw, lots of us probably qualify as geeks here, with or without umlaut knowledge.

ms_canada 9 years, 10 months ago

Das ubermime - we had the tete a tete about the umlaut once before, do you remember?
But I can't figure out why you laughed. I just looked at Environment Canada weather and our current temp here in Canada is 24 deg. celcius and that is hot for us. I don't know why you mention Mexico and heaters in your above post. Anyway. You probably won't see this as it is late. 10 to 11 here I guess 10 to 12 there unless you are a night owl, you should be beddy bye. ] Ceallach an umlaut is an accent that goes above the u in some german words and poor das can't figure out how to get it into his post and neither can I. :) :)

lunacydetector 9 years, 10 months ago

adult bully symptoms

the child bully grows up to be an adult bully. do you know or have you ever known an adult bully? here are a few examples of an adult bully: They are - +a convincing, practiced liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment +a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; +excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive +uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy) +is shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's no substance +is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmaneuver most people in verbal interaction +is often described as smooth, slippery, and slimy +relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon +is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly +cannot be trusted or relied upon +fails to fulfil commitments +is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old +is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy +is self-opinionated and displays arrogance +is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe +will typically cheat on their spouse. +has no remorse

.......i could name some names.

squishypoet 9 years, 10 months ago

Lunacydetector, that entire list describes my boyfriend's father. What a creep. Blech.

ms_canada 9 years, 10 months ago

Yes we have air conditioners here. My daughter just bought a new house and she talked the builder into an air conditioner. It gets really hot where she lives. Here in Edmonton, some people have air. We don't. We can survive the few hot days that we get. Das, I think I get the bit about Mexico, now.

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