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What are you doing for your dad on Father’s Day?

Asked at Massachusetts Street on June 19, 2005

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Photo of Joe Pierson

“I got him a poker set from the drug store, and in a few days we’re going out for a steak dinner.”

Photo of Sara Sheldon

“I mailed him a card, and I’m going to give him a call. He lives about five hours away, so I won’t get to see him.”

Photo of Matt Belz

“I would like to set up a nice gig for him so he can watch his son play. My sister can help him with the sound and mom can stage dive if she wants. We are a very musical family.”

Photo of Beza Alemu

“We are having a celebration at our church. They are doing a big program, and we also got him a new outfit.”

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Comments

ms_canada 8 years, 10 months ago

Bob - I have some idea what you have gone through with your father or lack of father. My father in law was an alcoholic and treated his wife pretty badly. She tried to take her own life in a pretty awful way and the whole family suffered from that until she died. You may remember that I am a nurse. I looked after her in hospital. I often had to deal with my father in law in his alcoholic fazes and I know how it affected my husband. I feel badly for you. I have no real words of wisdom for you. I would just say to remember you are your own man and you must determine that you will not let this man ruin your life, dear sir. I know, too, that it is easier said than done. Just determine that you will be the best man that you know how to be. I seem to get the impression from your posts that you are a single man. Do you have good memories of your mother? If so, treasure those memories. No one can take those away from you. Just think of the happy times you had and rejoice in those, dear fellow.

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one_more_bob 8 years, 10 months ago

Comrade in Bobness, thanks. Today is also the anniversary of my mother's passing. Very long day & I will be quite relieved when the sun comes up tomorrow, which it seems to do on a regular basis.

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The_Original_Bob 8 years, 10 months ago

One More Bob -

Just one day a year. Get throught it and tomorrow it's done. My father has a very similar story to yours and he was an outstanding dad as his dad was bad news. So, if you are a dad, or will become a dad, you probably know not what to do.

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extreme_makeover 8 years, 10 months ago

I just had a thought, if I was that guy Belz's on fathers day, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy opening presents, being taken out to lunch and visiting the Waky Fest today. Quality time!

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justathought 8 years, 10 months ago

I like "thanks for the sperm" for a great card myself.

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tell_it_like_it_is 8 years, 10 months ago

My Dad wasn't the best..he always tended to take jobs that would keep him away from home for weeks at a time constuction..truck driving you name it if it would keep him away from home he would do it and when he was home he wasn't all that great to be around. But the main thing is this..I learned from him what kind of Dad I didn't want to be. And I hope I have suceeded in not being that kind of Dad at least a little bit.

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one_more_bob 8 years, 10 months ago

Guys, thanks for your kind words. I'm really a lot better with it than I was. The first couple of years after I learned the story, I wanted going to go dig up his bones, burn them & throw the ashes into a pig pen.

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Ceallach 8 years, 10 months ago

OTTR: There were many years in my life when I would have gladly bought and mailed your suggested alternative father's day card. If your dad is still living, please don't give up on him.

When I was 32 my father made a tremendous change in his life, he started attending AA meetings. I wish I could say he received an epiphany and life was roses from that day forward. However, he started changing because his boss caught him visiting the trunk of his car one morning and gave him an ultimatum. Quit, quit now or lose your job, your pension, everything! With a wife and 8 children he decided to give it a try, went through detox in KC and started attending meetings there.

We were very fortunate that during the period of "imposed abstinance" he started looking beyond his addiction and saw hope for himself. Within a couple of years he was speaking to new attendees, he became a sponsor to help others make the change and continued doing so until his death last year.

I will admit that it took several years for my skepticism to accept that the change was genuine. But it was, and he and I were able to form a very good father and daughter relationship which we enjoyed for several more years before he died.

Today I called my mother and thanked her for the many years she was both father and mother to me. I learned to love my dad inspite of the past, but my mother's love for me was something I never doubted.

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Ceallach 8 years, 10 months ago

o_m_b: The English language limits us in describing many things -- father and dad for instance. The positive expectation of such words is particularly painful to children whose "dad" or "father" were little more than sperm donors. My father was in and out of our lives for so many years that we were happy when he was away and sorry when he returned. We missed a lot, but he missed more. The unconditional love of children is a real blessing for those who value it and strive to deserve it.

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ms_canada 8 years, 10 months ago

Days like this are really difficult for some people. Mother's Day also. The need for love from a parent is so great and if it is missing, it can sure damage our emotional make-up and it is hard to love anyone. remember that there is a Heavenly Father who loves you unconditonally. Don't discount that offtotheright and bob. A lot a lot of people have found that to be true. There must be something to it, don't ya think? any way guys, I care for you even though I don't know you. I hope you can have a good day.

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lonely_guy 8 years, 10 months ago

Sara Sheldon is beautiful, don't you all think so?! I think she is!!
As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to enroll at KU for the fall semester, and maybe our paths will cross on campus somewhere!

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offtotheright 8 years, 10 months ago

Ya see there one_more-bob...you need a 'you suck' card for dear old dad!

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one_more_bob 8 years, 10 months ago

Where to begin.... my father was in jail the day I was born, my mother divorced him & after he got out of prison, he ran off & never paid a dime of child support. After my mother was gone, I tracked him down & discovered he'd been dead for 10 years. Oh yeah, I found out that he'd never actually divorced his first wife before he married my mother. What a guy, my dad.

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Mister_Joe 8 years, 10 months ago

And if such a card existed, would you actually send one to your dad, offtotheright??

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offtotheright 8 years, 10 months ago

While at Hallmark last week, thumbing through all of the sentimental 'Dad you are the greatest..' cards, I decided that I need to contact Hallmark. There needs to be at least one card available that simply reads "Dad" (open the card) and the inside reads "YOU SUCK"!

I think that would be a great seller.

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sunflower_sue 8 years, 10 months ago

Well, since my Dad passed away when I was 2, I'll be calling my Mom to thank her for also being a "Father" to me as well...She walked me down the aisle at my wedding. My sister opted for one of my brothers to do it for her, but I just couldn't imagine anyone other than my Mother being there for me. She taught us to ride bikes, took us to all night fising tournaments, took us camping, and played catch with us in the backyard. She was a great Dad!

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Redneckgal 8 years, 10 months ago

My Dad passed away when I was a senior in high school. I got my husband a nice big Sears gift certificate (his toy store!)and we're going to take him to Applebee's for a late lunch. Later I might make some home made ice cream.

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extreme_makeover 8 years, 10 months ago

It would actually be kind of cool to be Mr. Beltz's dad.

One day out of the year, anyway ;)

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italianprincess 8 years, 10 months ago

Well my dad is back in Cali, so I will be calling him to wish him a Happy Dad's Day.

I'm also going to celebrate Dad's day because I'm both mom and dad of my little family. Myself and my boys will be going to my moms house for a bbq. I have invited a friend to come along whos also the mom and dad of her little family too.

I want to wish all the dads, moms who are dads, and dads to be everyone who happens to be a dad too. Don't want to leave anyone out.

Have a fantastic day everyone.

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