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Do you think marriage is a stronger institution in Kansas than it is in other states?

Asked at Massachusetts Street on July 24, 2005

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Photo of James Mildren

“Yeah. I think it’s still a deep-rooted tradition here, and there is more social pressure to stay together than in the East or West. I think the church community has a lot to do with it.”

Photo of Tracy Oakes

“I don’t think it really matters what state you’re in. It’s about what your values are and what you make out of life.”

Photo of Kirk Bernart

“Sure, because of the way people are raised in the Midwest. It seems to be a more family-oriented area that stresses family values.”

Photo of Jen Nickels-Schaad

“I would say that’s probably a myth. I don’t think that is something a region can determine.”

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mefirst 12 years, 4 months ago

A strong marriage has nothing to do with geography or the number of churches on your street, in your city, or in your state. If that were the case, no one in KS would get divorced.

Richard Heckler 12 years, 4 months ago

The two guys who said yes...hmmmm

In our case after 25 years absolutely not. I believe if you find love go for it. All relationships require tolerance,forgiveness and realizing that most problems that arise do not designate the end of the world and probaly are not worth much hassle. Life could always be worse so make the best of what you've found and make it work. If I remember correctly falling in love is fun and might well be the most wonderful feeling on the planet. Maybe that's why some do it more often?

If you get along with your children that's even better and fun.

Could you love someone else...if you believe in love most certainly. If a relationship does not work there is somebody out there. If long term is not a person's cup of tea then it is not impossible to love more than one person.

Why would it be stronger in Kansas?Based on what? Many Kansas and federal legislators obviously don't have a clue about how far and wide love can extend and probaly should leave some matters well enough alone.

Fangorn 12 years, 4 months ago

I don't think marriage is really that strong in any state anymore.

i_tching: A couple things. First, maybe it's too early for my sarcasm/irony detector to function properly, but I don't really follow your "notion that they are someplace else" comment. Second, Kansas does indeed have a higher divorce rate than Massashusetts. But we also have a higher marriage rate. I would suggest that one factor (but by no means the only factor) affecting the divorce statistic is that the culture of the Northeast is more accepting of co-habitation without marriage. Therefore the dissolution of many relationships in Massachusetts or New York, etc., even those producing children, would not constitute a "divcorce".

sunflower_sue 12 years, 4 months ago

Ok, before I get out of KS for my 3 week vacation (;0P) I'll comment on marriage.

When I was a newbie (married 3 months) someone asked me about my marriage, I told them that I would be married forever to my hubby. They laughed and laughed and said they gave me 2 years, max. I said they were wrong. I have conviction. I'd love to throw my 15 years in their face now!

I think marriage is something that you try like heck at...every day. You don't give up because you promised not to. A state of origin has nothing to do with it. It is all up to 2 people. It's 99% give and 50 % take (yeah, you do the math). It doesn't add up and it never will. But, for it to work, both people have to feel the same way. COMMUNICATE! If you can't/won't do are doomed to failure. Even after 15 years, Somedays, I still want to strangle the man...but I won't give up on him. I promised.

I'll step off of my soapbox now and wish you all well until I return. (A 3 week road trip with kids is enough to challenge even the strongest marriage!!!) May you all be happy and safe. Take care.

p.s. Ms_C, I hear they saw another "Bigfoot". Can you explain the difference between him and the Sasquatch and the Yeti? Is it merely place of origin? ;0)

ms_canada 12 years, 4 months ago

sunflower - I believe they are one and the same, just different names given in different areas. Anyone know anymore than that, speak up. This is an important question, don't ya know!! :o) Yes, indeed, very well put. Anyone who disagrees with sunflower's assessment of marriage is full of prunes, as we used to say when i was a kid, 125 years ago. Have a really nice day everyone, anyone out there want to pray for nice weather here in my city,(Edmonton) at 9:45 it is looking rather doubtful and I have a passle of skewered chicken to BBQ.

DaREEKKU 12 years, 4 months ago

Marriage anywhere has become a joke. It is supposed to be a legaly binding contract between two people (gender should be irrelevant). Though a contract, it should have deep convictions within both people yet it seems that it is taken lightly and made a mockery of these days. The next time any of you look at your wedding band and think of all the benefits (romantic, governmental, societal) I ask that you think of all the people who can't have these benefits because of petty impositions placed on marriage by a large population of Americans.

Jayhawk226 12 years, 4 months ago

I don't even have to time to answer this question...

...not sure if it is funnier that somebody believed there was actually merit in the statement, enough to ask it as a question...or, that there will be people that actually believe the answer could be yes or no, just because they're married in Kansas.

Yikes, that was a long, long sentence.

Alright, time for my heat stroke outisde.

Jayhawk226 12 years, 4 months ago

I had to look up some actual numbers after all:

The lowest divorce rates in the country are Mass, Illinois and Iowa. Each of those three states are entirely different in so many ways. Not sure a generalization can be made whatsoever to find a true trend.

The highest divorce rate, which should surprise nobody is Nevada, followed by Arkansas.

The marriage rate in Kansas has actually declined over the last decade, while other states have remained rather steady and consistent.

Based upon all this scattered data, the instituation of marriage in Kansas is no more successful here than any other state.

GreenEyedBlues 12 years, 4 months ago

My parents have been married 19 years. Together they've seen through a ton of episodes in which I would have been semi-inclined to throw in the towel.

When I have problems with my partner, I give Mom a ring. And whatever she tells me sounds 100% like what Sunflower Sue said! =) She still wants to strangle Dad sometimes. With their two eldest children out of the nest, they've been left to their own devices with two teenage girls, 16 and 17. [Pray for them!] Not to mention the Hell that my older sister and I put them through! Anyway, they made it work. And they still make it work. "They promised".

Sunflower Sue, you're so bitchin'! Have a good vacation! =)

I'm with everyone else regarding geographical marriage rates. Who cares?

Hong_Kong_Phooey 12 years, 4 months ago

Dareeku: Every day I roll over and tell my wife that the only reason I married her was for did you put it?? Oh yeah... the "romantic, governmental, societal" benefits...

Don't hate the playa', hate the game.

beatrice 12 years, 4 months ago

Silly question really, as geography has nothing to do with it.

e_m: lots of money and a furnished house that is paid off? Oh no. If that were true, me and mine would have been doomed a long, long time ago. However, I agree strongly with points 2 and 3. : )

My two cents on marriage: The key to a happy marriage, in Kansas, Massachussetts, Canada, or Venus, is twofold: one, make sure the person is your best friend; two, give your partner at least the same level of respect you give your other friends. If you do this, you don't even have to work at it every day, or at least it seems that way to me.

Do you ever yell or scream at your friends if they do something you don't like? Probably not, rather you talk to them about whatever it. Do you ever belittle your friends because of how they handled a given situation? Of course not, otherwise they wouldn't take it for very long and would move on to other friends. So if you don't treat your friends this way, then you shouldn't treat your spouse that way either. Simple as that.

And yes, marriage between two people should be made available to all.

Jamesaust 12 years, 4 months ago

The "strength" of the institution is relative. Kansas is somewhere above the abysmal state of marriage in places like Arkansas and Oklahoma but far short of the stable rates of marriage in places like Massachusetts and New Hampshire. [They keep statistics on this sort of thing. Look it up! There's no need to solicit opinions about facts.] The proper question is: what do they know in Massachusetts about marriage that people in Arkansas (or Kansas) need to get a clue about?

linux_chick 12 years, 4 months ago

Why should we have stronger marriages in Kansas?

Are Kansans involved in help-regional-marriages classes that make our marriages better? Something in the water? Or is it that same-sex marriages are banned here like they are in every other state in the country ...

except Massachusetts that is.

Hmm... that's interesting.

italianprincess 12 years, 4 months ago

My parents were married for almost 25 years before my dad moved out. He had been cheating for years and they stayed together until I was 15 and my little brother was 13. I guess thats what married couples do for the sake of the kids. I think its a crock of #@&%.

My grandma and grandpa were married for for 36 years before my grandpa passed away in 1971. My grandma passed away in 2000 and never remarried. She truely loved him.....he was her true love.

I am going to be 42 this coming December and have never been married. When I do get married one day soon I'm hoping it lasts until one of us pass away.

I believe in monogamy, and to be true to one person. I also believe in being happy in a marriage. If one of the two people are not happy and begin cheating on eachother the marriage is basically gone. I wouldn't take accept it if my husband cheated and would file for divorce.

Why should a person waste another persons life if they are cheating prior or start cheating. Its not all about cheating either because other things can also wreck a marriage. Gambling, alcohol, drugs and abuse of any kind can take a toll.

MY motto here is.......

Make sure the one you plan to marry is truely the one. Don't jump into marriage to fast because you might regret it later. Make sure you know the person well enough that you feel safe and secure with them.

Theres more I could add but you get the picture here.

Kansas is not PERFECT when it comes to marriage. Its the two people involved that make a marriage work, not the state you live in.

BunE 12 years, 4 months ago

Marriage is an OK institution as long as both parties are into it, are ready to compromise and work for the best. Kansas is an OK state as longs as both parties are into it, are ready to compromise, and work for the best. If not, well everything goes to heck in a handbasket real quick.

We have an increasing divorce rate and a state government on the verge of collapse.


Ah, Ah, Kans-as.

kutwitch 12 years, 4 months ago

Oh the arrogance of people who think they are so different from everybody else.

enochville 12 years, 4 months ago

Perfect example of why there should be a separation between church and state. God defined marriage, someone put marriage into law, and now people think they can redefine marriage through legislation. Mankind may think they can redefine marriage, but only God's definition matters. As far as the legal contract goes, and partner benefits and such, man can change those, but for true marriage, mankind has no right to redefine it.

jablester 12 years, 4 months ago

This is silly. A study in the 1970's showed that around 10% of solid Kansas frontierspersons were born from someone other than who thought they were their birth parents. I get so tired of the Republican superiority mantra that WE are so much more moral than the rest of you. YOU are guilty of fraud, lies, and elephant pies. YOUR votes are from dead people, frogs and goldfish. WE have the Supreme Court on our very righteous huffy puffy side. Enough, already. ENOUGH!

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