Douglas County child abuse champion leads with compassion, empathy

photo by: Richard Gwin

From left, Mandy Nestler, Douglas County's Champion for Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention, holds Heidi Ward, 3, as her mother Amber Ward listens during Nestler's recent Healthy Families visit.

As Mandy Nestler was sitting with friends and family on a courtroom bench inside the Douglas County Courthouse, she was holding back tears.

She was about to receive the Champion for Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Award on April 6 at the Douglas County Commission meeting, and she was watching 3-year-old Heidi Ward pass out “Pinwheels for Prevention” stickers to the commissioners.

“I’m watching the little girl that I’ve worked with for three years. I get to see her happy and healthy,” Nestler said.

Nestler, 35, of Lawrence, has been a case manager in the Healthy Families program at the Lawrence-Douglas County Health Department for five years. The program provides intensive, in-home support for expecting or new parents who are overburdened by risk factors such as unemployment, single parenting, unstable housing and family history of abuse or neglect.

Help available

• The Kansas Children’s Service League offers 24-hour help for parents and youth. Contact 1-800-Children or 1800children@kcsl.org.

• Parents also can visit the American Academy of Pediatrics website healthychildren.org.

• For more information about the Healthy Families program, visit ldchealth.org/healthyfamilies or call 785-843-3060.

She has provided more than 550 home visits while working with 41 families who opted to participate in the Healthy Families program. Among them are Heidi’s parents, Amber and David Ward, of Lawrence. Nestler began working with them when they were expecting Heidi, their first child, at ages 19 and 21. They had low-paying jobs, and Amber had grown up in an unstable environment. As a child, she said she moved to multiple states to live with different caregivers, including an uncle who abused alcohol. At age 16, Amber became responsible for herself. She dropped out of high school and began working to pay for housing, food and clothes.

Today, they are married. David is working full time. Amber has earned her high school diploma and is taking online college courses. They are expecting their second child in August. “Because of our backgrounds, I think it was very helpful to have someone come in and help guide us in the right way to be good parents, and that’s what Mandy did,” Amber said. “We just kind of grew with her as parents.”

The Ward family gave Mandy hugs and high-fives after she received the award, which was given by the Douglas County Child Abuse Prevention Task Force in conjunction with National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Amber said they attended the ceremony to thank Mandy for her help and support. She described Mandy as outgoing, down-to-earth and honest. “She gets on your level and can help with nearly anything,” Amber said. “She has helped us with parenting, depression, food stamps, finding a place to live — all of it.”

Nestler said she became a licensed social worker in part because of her uncle Jack Lillard, who had bipolar disorder. He encountered a lot of social workers in his life and once he started getting treatment and managing his diagnosis, he started taking college classes to become a social worker. However, he never completed his degree because he died in a head-on vehicle collision. He was in his 40s. That, she said, was her wake-up call.

“That was a defining moment for me in moving forward and saying, ‘I’m going to do this. I’m going to school, and I’m getting my degree.’ For me, it was a really, really big deal when I graduated,” Nestler said. She earned her bachelor’s degree in social work at age 28 from Nebraska Wesleyan University in Lincoln, Neb.

“I did it for him. I did it for myself, and I did it for the people I help today,” she said.

Nestler described her teenage years as very difficult. She said she participated in a lot of risk-taking behavior. She also has struggled with anxiety and depression. She believes those experiences help her identify with the feelings her clients might be experiencing. “I’ve been on both sides of it. I think it has allowed me to have compassion and also be empathetic.”

For a couple of years, she worked at Kansas University Hospital as a social work case manager for people living with HIV and AIDS. Then, she joined the Health Department.

“It is not the quantity of home visits that makes Mandy deserving of the award — it’s the quality she provides to the families she serves,” said Pamela Cullerton, volunteer community project leader of the Douglas County Child Abuse Prevention Task Force. “She not only brings the most up-to-date research about positive parenting practices and child health and development, but skillfully engages families in difficult conversations about mental health, domestic violence, smoking and drug and alcohol use to discuss how these challenges are impacting their child.”

Nestler discusses discipline with parents. She said it is common for parents to tap their children’s hands, but then scold their children for hitting them or someone else. “That’s really confusing to children,” Nestler said.

While most parents think of child abuse as purposeful abuse, most of the time it is not, Nestler said. It’s often a reaction in the heat of the moment when tensions are high. “Many, many times a kiddo is physically hurt by their parent when there is no intention of causing harm. It’s the choice they made because they were extremely frustrated, and they often use more power than they intended to.” To avoid physical harm, Nestler will talk about recognizing trigger points and the importance of stepping away from the situation.

The Healthy Families program serves parents from pregnancy or just after a child is born until the child turns 3 to 5 years old because it is such a vital time in a child’s life for brain development and physical growth. “That’s the window of opportunity, and if it doesn’t happen then, the window lowers and it’s more difficult to make up later in life,” Nestler said. “It’s easier to help educate someone about positive parenting skills rather than help someone undo negative ones. It’s about prevention versus intervention.”

Three years ago, Nestler started a Young Parents Group because she knew it was a need among the young parents she worked with. She said they felt isolated because they no longer connected with their high school and college friends who did not have children. They also didn’t feel like they fit in with parents who were older. The Wards were among them. “We were excited to finally find a group we could connect with,” Amber said.

Nestler continues to facilitate the Young Parents Group, which meets twice a month in the Health Department’s clinic waiting room. It is open to Douglas County parents who are 25 and younger. Amber describes the meeting as a “big playdate,” where the parents talk while their children play.

Nestler said parenting is the toughest job that exists, especially for those who have additional stress in their lives. “There’s something special about being able to be there to support them and to try and help them accomplish their goals. It’s truly an honor,” she said.