Dear Dr. Wes and Gabe: My 13-year-old touched one of our younger children inappropriately. My husband and I disagree on how to handle this. I say we should tell the police and show him how serious this is. My husband says that won’t get him help and we should instead find a therapist. What do you advise?

Wes: I’ve changed my stance over 23 years of practice in response to societal shifts on this issue. Back in the 1990s it was clearly understood that most sex offenders were treatable, that children and society greatly benefitted from treating them, and most importantly for your situation, that with few exceptions, the teen offender’s mindset was nothing like the adult offender’s.

That’s all gone by the wayside in favor of a purely law, order and punishment approach that’s politically expedient but doesn’t emphasize the kind of healing justice necessary in these difficult cases. So, not only is your younger child at risk from your older child — which should be obvious at this point — but your older child is at risk of having his entire life derailed by an aggressive justice system. Thus, before you have anything to do with therapy or law enforcement, seek the advice of an attorney. I’ve been down this path many times and cannot stress enough how crucial this is. The police are not there to help or guide your son. They’re there to enforce the law.

Likewise, any therapist you take your children to see is legally obligated to report your son for child sexual abuse, even if it’s very clear that he didn’t understand the seriousness of his actions. From there, it’s a very short trip to juvenile offender adjudication. That might end in probation, which sounds reasonable, but it will also probably land him on the sex offender registry for the foreseeable future. Only the advice of an attorney experienced with these cases and, I’m sad to say, a lot of money, can change the direction of your son’s case right now.

For every other parent of a teen, let me assure you that this is not “one of those problems” that happens to “one of those other families.” Each of us must spend time teaching our children not only how to avoid becoming victims of sex abuse, but how to avoid becoming offenders, lest they end up as did your children.

Gabe: Children have been told endlessly to watch out for “stranger danger” — the fear that someone they don’t know is going to harm them. Although this may have a grain of truth to it, the most likely source of danger to children comes from those they know and trust. According to the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center, only 7 percent of child sex offenders were strangers to their victims, 34 percent are family members, and 59 percent are non-family acquaintances.

It’s just as important that parents make sure their kids do not become sex offenders at least as much as they ensure that they do not become victims of them. For example, children may be told that they and everyone else have “no-no” squares that they shouldn’t let anyone touch. In addition, parents should simply tell their children that enacting such behavior is wrong, including informing them of the consequences if they violate those squares. Of course, for most kids this talk won’t be needed. The problem is you don’t know which kids those are, so why not take these simple, if uncomfortable, precautions.

Some factors that contribute to children becoming juvenile sex offenders, however, can’t just be taught away. According to the Center for Sex Offender Management, 40 to 80 percent of juvenile sex offenders have been sexually abused themselves. Another 20 to 50 percent have been physically abused. In addition, 80 percent of offenders have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder. Oftentimes juvenile sex offenders emerge as a result of this trauma, so the best thing to do to help on this front is to make sure that they are not themselves suffering from an undisclosed history of abuse.

Parents can do a few other things to prevent their children from becoming sex offenders. Teach them to respect privacy and to respond to a sense of right and wrong. Supervise them in their interactions with others, and keep communication open to be sure they are not suffering at the hands of an abuser.

— Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Gabe Magee is a Bishop Seabury Academy senior. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.