Dear Dr. Wes and Gabe: I have a problem that’s reversed from what you normally talk about in your column. My 15-year-old daughter refuses to go on birth control, even though I’m certain she’s having sex. I have offered nicely to help her get on the implant or something reliable, but it’s almost like she doesn’t care if she gets pregnant or is in denial about having sex. How do I make someone do something like this?

Wes: I’ve been down this path several times over the years, but recently not as often. Nationally, the teen pregnancy rate is down substantially and despite wishful thinking in some circles, that’s not because more teenagers are abstinent. It’s because as a society, we’ve actually done a pretty good job promoting contraception. As the guy always bellyaching about our poor (or non-existent) sex education conversations, this idea of teens as skilled consumers of contraception is a bit of a shock to me, but it’s clearly happening. Unfortunately, population statistics have nothing to do with your particular daughter.

Double Take columnists Gabe Magee and Dr. Wes Crenshaw

I too am concerned about her motivation on this issue. Way back in the 1980s research suggested that teens tended to have sex and then delude themselves into believing that they weren’t having sex or they just refused to think about it, like the kid who puts his fingers in his ears so he doesn’t have to listen to you. So, your daughter could just be in denial. However, I’m going to bet on your second theory — that she might think being pregnant at 15 is a lot neater than it is. This too harkens back to an era when teen pregnancy was romanticized, seen as a way to create love in your life, or worst of all, to delay growing up to become an independent adult.

The only way to know whether one of these uncomfortable shoes fit is to get this girl to a therapist who is thoroughly expert in 2015 teen sexuality. In the mean time, keep her out of the dating pool whatever it takes, until she agrees to be on industrial-grade contraception that she can’t accidentally or intentionally mess up. Rarely do I suggest that level of control over a teenager, but if she’s having intercourse and not taking seriously the consequences, her life is a ticking time bomb, there won’t be any take-backs, and she’ll end up with only a choice of which regret she can live with.

Gabe: You are very much in the right here. There’s no reason that any sexually active young person is not on birth control. Although there may be one or two successful teen parents here and there, they shouldn’t be the standard of comparison for your daughter. Research tells us that teenage pregnancy worsens the quality of life for not only the new parent, but also the baby and grandparents. Birth control is a simple way to reduce that risk.

As Dr. Wes suggests, you may have to use “parental law” to make sure that she is protected. But before you move to DEFCON 1, sit down and make your intentions clear. Explain that you want to give your daughter reasonable freedom while preserving her future and your own. Point out the risk and consequences for everyone involved. If you have not already done so, suggest other forms of contraception. The pill and condoms are less invasive, but judging by her reluctance to use birth control in the first place, it will probably be hard to get her to use either one reliably.

If your daughter is not convinced by these options, you need to press the issue. Get her a prescription for the pill and start providing her with condoms on a regular basis. Those are riskier, however, than the implant or shot. Each shot will last three months and the implant will last three years — the rest of her adolescent life. Either one is an effective way of preventing pregnancy. The best-case scenario is that your daughter sees the need for contraception and does so of her own volition. But if that doesn’t happen, you need to exercise your rights of parental supervision.

— Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Gabe Magee is a Bishop Seabury Academy senior. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.