Dr. Wes says the dangers of starting a romance with a best friend are well known, but in the case of a middle-school girl, matters become more unpredictable.

Dear Dr. Wes: I am in middle school. I am thinking about asking my best friend to be my girlfriend. We are both girls and I don’t know if she likes girls and I don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I think about dating her all the time and I’d like to at least ask her. Do you think this is a good idea or a bad one?

Wes: Based on recent clinical experience, there’s no doubt that today’s middle schoolers are in a whole new ballgame when it comes to attraction and dating. In fact, I get some version of your question every couple of weeks and we actually used this scenario as a prompt for the second contest essay this year, which Gabe won. It’s that common. I realize it will be hard for some readers to fathom, but same-sex dating doesn’t mean you identify as gay or even bisexual. For kids in your age range right now, it just means you want to date someone you like and that person happens to be a girl. And as I’ve said for a couple of years now, this is the wave of the future — the person will matter more than the label. Your generation is leading the way.

So, the chances of your friend being interested in dating you are statistically greater now than ever before. Still, no matter whether you date same or opposite sex partners, the dangers of starting a romance with a best friend are well known. You risk ruining the friendship and losing someone you care about. On the other hand, I’ve seen many relationships in which friendship catches fire and works out to be a pretty neat deal. Just be sure you plan the end from the very start.

If you weigh the costs and benefits and decide this is something you want to pursue, ask first whether your friend has ever considered same-sex dating. Many girls have given this some thought and if you have a good relationship and you’re careful to ask in a casual way, she’ll probably tell you honestly. You can judge from her response whether you should pursue things further or back off fast.

One thing I’ve learned over the years however, is when it comes to teen sexuality, you can never predict much of anything about anyone. Just proceed slowly and keep your heart as safe as possible.

Gabe: If I were in your situation right now, I would go for it. But I am a high schooler and you are a middle schooler, and things are vastly different in dating between the two. I personally recommend that you do some digging before you decide to ask her or not.

First, if you haven’t done it already, find out if your parents are opposed to same-sex dating or middle-school dating in general. It’s becoming less and less common to find parents who are, but it’s always good to check. It would be hard to cultivate a good relationship under the oversight of disapproving parents. You should also discover her parents’ attitudes as well. This may be harder to do but would be very helpful in making your decision on how to proceed.

Then of course, comes the hard part — finding out what your best friend thinks. The first and most straightforward way is to simply ask her. There is a slight risk of a very negative answer that could endanger your friendship, but it’s unlikely. You might even try getting a different person – perhaps a trustworthy guy friend – to ask her what she thinks about same-sex dating. If she doesn’t like the idea, your friendship can still exist as it did before as she will be none the wiser.

If she IS interested, you should ask her out. In the same way someone may ask out an opposite sex friend, you should approach her and tell her how you’re feeling. If she declines, assure her that you want to remain friends. If she says yes, then great! People in relationships should be friends and you’ve already completed that part of the process.

— Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Gabe Magee is a Bishop Seabury Academy senior. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.