Dear Dr. Wes & Kyra: My boyfriend and I were going to go to college together near Dallas. Then, at the very end when he got his final financial aid package, his parents said they can’t afford it, so now he has to go to Colorado to school where they gave him a nearly full ride. I can’t change my plans now. We have to decide whether to break up or not. I’d like to continue, but almost nobody’s relationship survives this. I want college and my boyfriend.

Dr. Wes: This is a tough situation faced by a lot of high school couples this time of year. Kyra and I put our heads together and we could think of very few couples who successfully stayed together through freshman year of college. A great example is our Double Take Snow Day Couple from back in September 2010. Taylor and Daniel have been together since they were 16, including Daniel’s tenure at West Point. They’re getting married in August.

There are many love stories like this, but I can tell you from following a lot of them, it takes an incredible amount of work, patience, sacrifice and sexual fidelity to pull off. That’s much easier when couples are together for a few years after high school and then split up for a time after one graduates or drops out of college and gets a job, or takes a study abroad. My wife and I had to do this for a year when I was on internship. It was tough, even after we’d been married for eight years.

No one described your dilemma better than Double Take co-author Ben Markley in responding to a similar letter several years ago. He wrote, “There’s no such thing as a casual long-distance relationship,” meaning you’ll put everything you have into this relationship or it won’t work. Sit down with your guy and think through that bit of wisdom before making a final decision. It may seem super romantic to hang in there, but it’s not. It’s more often torturous and lonely and it will absolutely separate you from the college experience.

Your relationship may well be worth that price. Only you can decide. If you make it, I hope you write us back in four years, and we’ll give you the honor we give Taylor and Daniel for the love they’ve shared with our readers over the years. If you do decide to go that route, Kyra has some great suggestions.

Kyra: Several of my friends are facing the inverse of this problem. Having met their dating partners at college, they now must face the summer apart, in their respective hometowns or internship locations. In our text conversations, they often comment on just how difficult it is to be separated from their significant other for even a couple months.

If you decide your relationship is sturdy enough to withstand an even lengthier test of time, there are several ways to maintain communication, grow the relationship and curb the loneliness and torture Wes describes:

• Skype dates. In recent years, many long-distance relationships, romantic or otherwise, have been successful in part because of the availability of video chat–Skype and FaceTime being the most common. You can watch a movie together or share a meal while connected. It may also be helpful to set a schedule for these sessions because if you don’t, college could easily push this important communication aside for what seems to be more pressing.
• Monthly get-togethers. While college tends to stretch people’s wallets to the max, since your boyfriend has a nearly full ride, actually seeing each other may be more plausible, at least every once in a while. Budget your time and money to allow you to meet once a month and spend time together face to face.
• Social media. Thanks to smartphones, people can be in contact regularly, even when apart. While not a perfect substitute, apps such as Snapchat and Twitter are how most young adults stay in touch when they’re living just down the street. Use them to lighten the burden of feeling alone or disconnected when you’re farther apart.

Staying with your guy is possible, but keep in mind that four years is a long time. People change, and college tends to be where they make some of the biggest life transitions. Wes and I wish you the best.

Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Kyra Haas is a Free State High School senior who blogs at justfreakinghaasome.wordpress.com. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.