Dear Dr. Wes and Kyra: Recently I discovered that my 12-year-old daughter is participating in private role-play boards on Pinterest focusing on sexual situations with explicit language. She uses her name and picture and has shared what state she lives in. I was horrified at the content she posted and have no idea where she obtained such knowledge or if she even understands everything she posts. Her father and I are divorced. We met with a counselor who talked to both of us about seriousness of the situation, but he doesn’t see this as a serious situation. Am I over-reacting? What are logical consequences for my daughter? I feel she needs to have more counseling to understand why she did this.

Dr. Wes Crenshaw and Kyra Haas

Kyra: I have a hard time understanding where your ex-husband is coming from. Viewing, sharing and creating explicit online content with strangers is serious, especially at age 12. Add in the personal information disclosure, and your daughter is at risk not only psychologically, but perhaps physically. You’re not overreacting and your child definitely needs more counseling.

I might be a bit optimistic, as things are changing fast, but I doubt these closed Pinterest boards are being created and added by other middle school kids. Even if the contributors are in high school or early adulthood, the sexual maturity of a 15-year-old is worlds away from that of your child. The alternative is older men and women using the boards and intentionally engaging a preteen to warp her view of sex and relationships.

Given today’s accessibility to explicit online content, it’s no surprise that more children are stumbling upon it — on purpose or not — at younger ages. Make it a priority to filter your children’s Web-accessible devices and promptly respond when a problem arises. Research indicates that children who have early exposure to sexual content online are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors, have intercourse earlier and become victims of sexual violence. You’re right, at 12, your child does not understand everything she’s posting and if this situation isn’t addressed with counseling and Internet monitoring, by the time she’s old enough to understand, she’ll be too far out of your sphere of influence to counter the real-life behaviors these online posts could portend.

Wes: Your daughter needs to be seeing a therapist trained up to the minute in sex therapy and sex education for teens. Many simply aren’t equipped to handle a case like this or they’re way behind the times, so shop wisely.

There are a lot of dangerous myths surrounding this kind of thing. At the top of the list is the idea that the Internet is scary because of roving bands of sexual predators. That myth tempts even Kyra. But we cannot afford to buy into it, because it denies the real dynamic at play here. Predators exist of course, but not as commonly as teens voluntarily and enthusiastically playing online sex games. A few years ago that was confined to known partners sending explicit pics. In the last couple of years it’s extended to a wider network of explicit chat rooms and picture exchanges. I hear about it every week now, either from those involved or those who know people who are involved. In fact, a third of all child pornography is now produced and posted by teens.

Another myth is that this is a problem of boys exploiting girls. That too happens, but it is for the most part, outdated and sexist. Quite often, girls are actively pursuing sexual contacts just as you describe and in some cases with much older partners.

The worst myth however, is that this only happens to “other people.” As you’ve now learned, few teens are magically disconnected from explicit online content. While some have no interest, others find it exciting, and to their way of thinking, safer than IRL (In Real Life) sexual involvements.

I’ve worked on this issue for many years and Kyra and I can only scratch the surface in this column. I’m developing a book that specifically addresses this and many related issues. It’s called “Consent-Based Sex Education” and includes a lot of teen input. It will be out next year.

Beyond seeing a well-trained, sex-informed therapist, the best advice I can offer is to use our PLUS model: Pause, Listen, Understand, and be Sex Positive. My website (www.dr-wes.com) has several radio and TV programs addressing these very issues and discussing the model. It will help you respond calmly to your daughter’s situation and problematize it for your ex-husband so he realizes this cannot be ignored.

— Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Kyra Haas is a Free State High School senior who blogs at justfreakinghaasome.wordpress.com. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.