Dear Dr. Wes & Kendra:

We’re deciding how to handle screen time for our sons, especially video games. They don’t seem very interested in social media yet. You did a column a few months ago about how badly boys are doing in our society now and we wondered if you think gaming plays a role in that.

Kendra: Because video game interaction is by definition not person-to-person, young teens may not develop social and communication skills needed to succeed. However, gaming isn’t solely to blame for the direction boys in my generation are moving.

My friends, both male and female, and I recently realized that girls are typically the ones to plan social events, especially during the summertime. While a summer exclusively socializing isn’t entirely beneficial for either gender, I see it as more productive than one spent in a basement playing video games.

Speaking as a girl who actually enjoys gaming, I do understand the feeling of accomplishment in finishing a certain level or “grok-ing” (mastering) a game. But as someone working two summer internships, I feel far more accomplished after finishing a project my boss has assigned me to do.

Although your sons may not be old enough to get payroll jobs, they may find work opportunities in the neighborhood or in unpaid volunteer positions. Even if they just volunteer at a nonprofit, or mow lawns or do chores a few hours each week, those are hours not spent staring at a screen. The goal for this season should be to allow teens a balance of productivity, socialization and lazy time. (It is summer, after all.)

So, while I believe gaming is likely not the sole cause of lackluster boys in today’s society, I think excessive time spent doing anything that isn’t productive is a bad idea for young people, even during their time out of school.

Wes: I’ve changed my views on this topic a lot over the last year. I agree with Kendra that gaming isn’t the sole reason our current culture of boys struggles with faltering achievement after high school, relationship ineffectiveness, and family dependency well into its 20s. But I’m increasingly convinced that video games play a bigger part than most of us want to admit and not necessarily for the obvious reasons.

Of course video games encourage a sedentary lifestyle. As I’ve watched this first generation of young men reach their mid-twenties, raised on low cost, super-high definition, massive multiplayer games, I’m instead concerned about how gaming fantasy influences their relationship to the world and the expectations they have for what is and isn’t possible. Video games give almost endlessly and take almost nothing in return. As metaphors for life go, that’s not a realistic one and in fact, many guys express grandiosity of purpose combined with an unfortunate lack of goal-directed energy and striving. In short, gaming has not taught them to give, but only to take.

Kendra identifies a critical difference between how boys and girls game. Many girls who enjoy gaming, but they don’t adjust their lives around it as boys often do. While many girls are addicted to Tumblr, Instagram and other social media, they seem more able to disconnect in order to do what needs to be done, just as Kendra describes. Moreover, girl-culture hasn’t been modified by these new technologies in the same way boy-culture has. Yes, girls engage in social media bullying, and many seem permanently attached to their tiny smartphone keyboards, but consistently when they get to college or trade school, those obsessions either moderate or become useful networking tools.

I’m not quite ready to say “pull the plug” on video games (wouldn’t that go over well?). But I’ll restate the urgent need for parents to cease using them as electronic sitters starting at about age 5. Increasingly, I think that’s not turning out well in adolescence and adulthood, and I have a growing list of clinical horror stories to prove it. Teach kids to treat gaming as a dessert, not as a main course.

On the Air: Join Dr. Wes and three of the Double Take finalists to discuss this and other problems boys face in today’s world on Monday on Up to Date, 89.3 FM, with Steve Kraske. They’ll take listener calls and offer hints for parents.

Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his practice Family Psychological Services at dr-wes.com. Kendra Schwartz is a Lawrence High School senior. Send your confidential 200-word question on adolescence and parenting to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.