Dr. Wes Crenshaw and Kyra Haas

Kyra: It’s time for our annual Double Take resolution tradition. Unfortunately, we’re up against some stiff opposition. According to research from early 2014, only 8 percent of people actually meet their New Year’s resolutions. Abstract, lofty aims don’t become easier to obtain just because you got a new cat calendar and toasted at midnight. Goals require small, obtainable steps coupled with dedication that lasts past January.

This New Year, I’ve resolved to resolve purposefully. One of my goals is to improve my relationship with my parents. However, one can’t just say, “That’s what I want” and leave it at that. You have to have a plan. So, here are some smaller strides we can all take toward a successful New Year of family harmony:

Resolve together. Kill two birds with one resolution by making your resolutions together. Accountability partners make it easier to meet the weekly gym visit or say “no” to that second piece of pie. Like in “High School Musical,” being “all in this together” can make dreams come true.

Plan ahead. If you resolve to spend more time with your parent or teen, set specific dates to ensure the time is actually spent together. Buy tickets to a baseball game or a local theater production in advance, or key lunch dates into your calendar weeks ahead. As in most endeavors, making a financial commitment is a great motivator toward follow-through.

Be realistic. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist and associate professor at Harvard Business School, warns that too often people set unrealistic goals, don’t meet them and subsequently feel badly about themselves. If your relationship with your child or parent is strained, then don’t jump to biweekly family game night, because the other person in the relationship is likely to be skeptical or nonresponsive. Go for watching a weekly TV show or taking a 30-minute walk together instead. Bite off a smaller chunk of the elephant, and you’ll have it eaten in no time.

Wes: The late C.R. (Rick) Snyder, a favorite professor of mine at Kansas University, did us all a favor when he took the abstract idea of hope and turned it into a practical way thinking about and solving problems. As we reflect on Kyra’s justifiable pessimism about the value of New Year’s resolutions, it’s worth looking back on what he had to say.

Snyder and colleagues saw hope as comprised of three key ingredients:

Goals. When it comes right down to it, setting a goal is nothing more than imagining objects or experiences ranging from complete impossibilities to sure things. But as Kyra points out, unrealistic goals usually yield a big goose egg in terms of outcomes, so it pays to do some self-reflection and figure out your limits. Only then can you stretch them a little to see what’s possible. This isn’t the same thing as telling kids: “You can achieve anything you put your mind to.” That’s just a platitude and it sets kids up for being more dreamy than hopeful.

Willpower. This involves how we think about our goals and the mental energy we have to achieve them. Do we believe what we want is attainable? Will getting it be useful enough to excite us as to keep trying? Do we have the patience and persistence to finish? Helping kids achieve willpower is a lot tougher than helping them set goals. For some it involves incentives, for others encouragement, and for still others a kick in the pants. Knowing your child is key to understanding how to motivate him or her.

Waypower. It’s great to believe in yourself, but if you have no plan or your plan is flawed, you’re just wishing on a star and not striving to achieve anything. Waypower is the mental plan that guides us to our goals, and it’s something parents can help kids to achieve by both modeling and specific coaching. The secret is to figure out how to offer effective strategies without taking over the whole project yourself.

It may seem a little weird to teach kids how to be hopeful, but Snyder makes a persuasive case, as does one of his other students, Shane Lopez. Resolve to check out their books and see what it takes to help kids (and maybe their parents) set goals and actually achieve them.

Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Kyra Haas is a Free State High School senior who blogs at justfreakinghaasome.wordpress.com. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.