Dear. Dr. Wes & Kyra: My boyfriend thinks that we should both be on Find My Friends so he knows where I am all the time. This makes me feel he doesn’t trust me when I’ve never given him a reason. He says that’s not the reason but he won’t say why he thinks it’s necessary.

Wes: It’s always something isn’t it? Technology gives us so much and then it turns around and exacts a price in return. We want to be in touch with everyone 24/7, until we don’t want to be. There are so many ways our privacy can be invaded now; it’s hard to keep up. The one you mention is but a single example.

I’ve actually run into couples that like using location systems and feel no qualms about revealing where they are to one another. They see it easier than texting “I’m downtown. See you soon.” I say if everyone is comfortable, who are we to judge? But if I were you, I’d be skeptical of your boyfriend’s motives here. This seems more like controlling behavior than a handy way to stay in touch.

One of the topics we’re going discuss a lot in 2015 is differentiation–the idea that we each have to form our own selves in the context of our relationships; that we have to say, “This is who I am.” It doesn’t mean we become selfish and careless with our partner’s feelings. Quite the opposite, in fact. It means we can say, “Doing this is in my best interests” while also considering what’s good for our partner.

The other big topic for 2015 will be “authentic choice,” meaning that every decision you make in your relationship (and anything else) needs to be made intentionally and with real understanding and consideration of all your options.

Dr. Wes Crenshaw and Kyra Haas

In that spirit, feel free to accept your boyfriend’s invitation to join Find My Friends, if you think it meets a need for him and doesn’t bother you. Or, feel free to decline if it makes you uncomfortable, as it would Kyra and me. You’re guy will have to decide what he wants to do in response. If he keeps pestering you, remind him that about the least sexy thing on Earth is to have somebody staring at you all the time, whether with one’s eyes or with an app.

A close second is being pestered.

Kyra: I wasn’t familiar with Find My Friends before reading your letter — perhaps because from what I can tell, it’s consent-based stalking. The app’s webpage lists reasons when such action might be appropriate: group trips, family vacations, crowded airports, etc. However, the page completely avoids commenting on the many ways the app might be misused.

I can’t definitively say that your boyfriend doesn’t trust you, but his inability to articulate a reason for why location services might be necessary makes me lean in that direction.

When deciding how best to respond, realize that if distrust is the seed from which this request grew, signing in to Find My Friends will just make that worse. If one day you decide to delete the app or to hide your location, your boyfriend will begin to question you, even if he wasn’t distrustful before. It may turn into “Where are you going that you don’t want me to know and how do I know you’re telling the truth?” That situation will escalate in a hurry.

Provided your guy adequately explains why he believes cellphone tracking is important to your relationship, you will still need to advance cautiously. Healthy love is based on trust, and this app needs a bunch of it in order to operate properly. Lay down rules about when the locating should and should not occur. Agree that neither partner should have to justify his or her location and that the app should be used for convenience, not for control or to manage paranoia. And anyone who wants to switch it off, should be allowed to do so without question.

If you aren’t comfortable with letting your boyfriend — or anyone, for that matter — have access to a 1984-esque tracking of your person, then don’t download the app. You have a smartphone. If your guy wants to contact you, he can give you a call or shoot you a message. If he truly trusts you, he will believe what you say or text back to him.

Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Kyra Haas is a Free State High School senior who blogs at justfreakinghaasome.wordpress.com. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.